Melanie

5 worst betrayals

148 posts in this topic

The worst betrayal for me was this. The first time I was abused, I was 8. I reported him, and my upstairs neighbor was my lawyer throughout the whole court case. One of his sons, who I basically grew up with although he's about 4 years older than me, started abusing me when I was 9 until I was 12. I had always considered him as a brother.. and it was so twisted to be abused in the home of my lawyer for the first abuse. Not to mention my parents and his parents are best friends. He still lives right above me, and is the most arrogant person I've ever seen walk the face of the Earth. He wasn't supposed to hurt me, he was supposed to be my friend.
I also felt betrayed by my parents and older sister, because they were there the entire time but never noticed what was going on with me. I know that isn't exactly real betrayal, but that's how it felt... I wish they could have protected me.

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There were two betrayals for me, while I was in school, in elementary school mind you, a boy touched me and I told the teacher and all he got was put up against a wall. Then in middle school when the popular boys were sexually harassing me, the teachers did nothing to stop it. They would do it right in the middle of class but I wasn't a popular kid and they were popular.

The second one was my sister, she was paranoid one time, freaked out and left a bruise on my arm, and then when she decided to tell me she almost had a rage attack whilst I was sleeping, I left home and my mom blamed me for leaving even though I told her that my sister was psychotic.

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1. Being SA'ed by my "godfather," father, and two cousins
2. After my sister attempted suicide she said, "After you told me what happened to you too, I just couldn't handle it."
3. My mother's alcoholism and abuse growing up
4. My silent adopted dad
5. The many ways I betrayed myself: SI, addictions, self-hatred, risky behaviors

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first was my mom. when she found out i was cutting myself she said to stop doing what my friends were doing and i was acting stupid.
second was my good friend/sisters ex-boyfriend. He knew i had issues with (hating) myself and he raped me which makes me hate myself so much more.

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A girl who I thought was my friend. She was having sex with her boyfriend in the same room I was getting raped in at that time. The next morning she told me "Well, I told him you were a virgin" as if that said she tryed to have some part in preventing him from doing that to me. :(

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The worst betrayal besides the one who attempted to rape me who was supossed to be my friend, was his wife. She threw a chiar through my kitchen window, called me a whore, and that I was "sleeping with" her husband. She would barge into my house and yell at me until I was able to get out of there. This has been tough to deal with, people not believing me, makes me feel like maybe I am those things, even though I am not. I am still working through it, this experience happend fairly recently so it is tough. I guess I have to reassure myself almost daily that they were not my true friends, and that their actions towards me does not make them right to do these things, and that one day justice will prevail. I have to believe in justice, even if it doen't happen the way I envision it. THis keeps me going anyway. One day at at time. I haven't worked through it very much yet I guess but I am trying to.

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Worst betrayal

the fact that P is a policeman


:cry:

Edited by rose13

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[quote name='Louise' date='07 March 2003 - 10:50 PM' timestamp='1047095449' post='18004']
Hello again Kevin - I'll start here with one betrayal that still rocks me from time to time.<p>My mother visited my rapist in jail. Even though I was used to never having her be on my side, that was a kind of final straw. I felt like I was having a nervous breakdown. I remember announcing it to my therapist through a sick fog, and I will never forget the way she stopped what she was saying and quietly said "I [i]beg[/i] your pardon, Lou?'<p>I battled with my sense of worthlessness, and in the end came to realise that it was about mother as a parent; my mother and her monstrous priorities, not about a lack of worth on my part. I could also understand why it had been hard for me to believe that what he did to me was really wrong.<p>I could then confront her and express my disgust. After telling me she felt sorry for him, and that he'd called her 'mum' in the visiting room, I told her I didn't want to hear about it. She said, 'oh, well, it seemed the christian thing to do, but I won't go there again'. I said, 'I don't give a toss what you do, mother. I know my feelings have never been important to you, but they are to me. Go if you want, but I think it's obscene and I don't want to hear about it'.<p>Sometimes I'm still surprised when something unfair has happened to me and people display partisan support for me.<p>I think what she did still rocks me because I don't understand how such a thing is possible - the only place I would vsit somebody who beat and raped my daughter is in the cemetary so I could piss on his grave.<p>Hugs<p>Lou xxxx
[/quote]

Lou,
I read this and honestly it sounds like something my mother would do. That is just so wrong on so many levels. And then to say it is the "Christian" thing to do??? My mom knew my stepfather was molesting me and she should have known he was r*ping me, although I didn't remember that until a few years ago at the point of a near breakdown. Once the molesation went outside the family (my sister's best friend) she came to me and asked about it. My stepfather made the accusation that my sister was lesbian and he had walked in on my sister and her friend. My mom was believing this by the time I found out. I blew a fuse. I told her he did it to me and she was doing the same thing, not believing it! She got angry at what I said! Word started to get out, and I'm sure she was afraid of him being arrested, so she suddenly decided to throw him out of the house. Never mind that he beat the living hell out of me and my sister, molested and r*ped me, but word might get out in town! Fast forward to last winter. New step father. Him and my mother (who me and my sons call by first name as she has never been a mom or grandmother) begged me to move to one of their farms to take care of their horses. The day after I arrive, they have told me the farm I was to work and live at, they have put up for sale! The day AFTER I move me and my son two hours from our home. We lived in a basement with no heat. I started looking for a job since working with the horses wasn't going to be an option. My son and I came back one day when they were gone. My car got stuck part of the way up their two mile driveway. I had tried to drive on the snow covered driveway as my son has asthma. Breathing cold air sends him into an attack. The winds were blowing 60MPH and I was terrified he would have an attack as we reached the house. I wrapped a scarf around his face in an effort to warm the air, if possible he would be breathing. He was exhausted when we reached home. A few hours later, I hear knocking on the back door and my stepfather comes through it cussing and screaming "look at what you have done to your mother!" Their car got stuck (because of mine) and they had to walk. My mom was standing there with this helpless look on her face, saying nothing. He started screaming at my son and went towards him. I ran over in front of him and said hell no, if you have something to say, then settle it with me. He continued degrading me and my son. All the while my mom just stood there. As when I was a kid, I waited for her to say something, hell anything. She didn't. The next day, me and my son went to a motel. Before I left mom wasn't happy until she "justified" everything her husband said. I left knowing then, that nothing she does or says will ever surprise me. And she wonders why we call her by her first name? She never acted like a mother and never will.

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The most recent betrayel I know of happened to me tonight. My parents went out to dinner and a church service with the man who abused me as a 3 year old child. Yea, they are all buddy buddy now. Best of friends, everyone is pretending like nothing happened. They even tell me about going to dinner with this man and his wife and family. When they tell me this crap, I get all nervous and very resntful. I can totaly rellate to the stories. PS hoping I am positng right, this is my first post. Edited by shelst

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[quote name='shelst' date='03 March 2011 - 08:02 PM' timestamp='1299204176' post='1359779']
The most recent betrayel I know of happened to me tonight. My parents went out to dinner and a church service with the man who abused me as a 3 year old child. Yea, they are all buddy buddy now. Best of friends, everyone is pretending like nothing happened. They even tell me about going to dinner with this man and his wife and family. When they tell me this crap, I get all nervous and very resntful. I can totaly rellate to the stories. PS hoping I am positng right, this is my first post.
[/quote]

Hi shelst, Im so sorry to read your post that is the ultimate betrayal, I will never understand parents that can be like this, my family are the same, I have nothing to do with them anymore and my life is richer for not having them in it.I just wanted to let you know that I can relate to how youre feeling and Im sorry that your parents have done that to you, its beyond my understanding. well done for posting, the first ones are the hardest. take care of yourself, Jo :hug:

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1. My parents did nothing when my brother abused me and I turned to them for help. NOTHING. My mother alternated between labeling it as normal behavior or blaming me, and my father didn't even say boo. He only acknowledged knowing about it when I asked him several years after it started.
2. My parents befriended my rapist when he started attending their church - and they knew about the rape.
3. My ex-husband ended up sexually abusing me despite pretending to be supportive and condemning the abuse I endured.
4. My ex, at least I suspect, has gotten my oldest to turn against me and not speak to me because I cut off contact with him and will not pander to his mind games anymore.
5. My MIL twisted my situation to use it against me at her convenience and has tried to insinuate that my estrangement with my family of origin is my fault now that her son (my husband) refuses to tolerate her abuse... and yes she knows I'm an incest survivor.

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1. When I told my mother about the abuse I suffered, though initally kind, she just has done nothing but blame me for it as use it as "proof" that I'm a "hillbilly" and a "whore" and a generally awful daughter and person. (Honestly I could do 20 alone about my mother).

2. My "friend" who said; "I notice that you like to play the rape card a lot" when I made reference to him stopping to speak to me shortly after I was raped as an adult and how much it hurt.

3. The guy that befriended me online and pretended to have romantic feelings for me when he was only trying to as he later told get "gather information" about me to use to stalk/harass me with his friends. When I asked him why he said; "you seemed vulerable."

4. The people on the eating disorder support board that I was a member of. People said I "whined" and complained" because I dared look for support there. Then when my stalkers showed up and said I "made up stories about being raped so people would feel sorry for" me, everyone believed then. There was a running "joke" there that I "lied about being raped."

5. The friend who claimed I made it up to get [i]his[/i] "attention/affection."

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one boyfriend abandoned me after I was assaulted. Later coaxed me back into friendship abandoned me again. Denied my childhood abuse when i started remembering and shared with him
one told me he didn't care after
one told me he was different and assaulted me. Said I "played the raped card". Emotionally manipulated me into staying in a relationship despite the fact the the stress of it was nearly killing me in its physical manifestations.

one best-friend I lived with disrespected my need to feel safe at home
one best-friend told me I needed to get over it. Edited by loveinflames

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As much as they have tried to give me support, I feel betrayed by my best friends.

It happened on holiday by the DJ of a bar and despite the fact they were in the next room when it happened; they still went back to the same bar every night before we left because they fancied two of the bar staff....who were with them when it happened..

They heard me screaming and although they tried to stop it, they couldn't and I just don't understand how they could go back there...

I don't think I can ever forgive them for that and how guilty they made me feel for lashing out at them....

Most of all, I feel most betrayed by myself because I'd allowed myself to get into that situation and now I'm trying to pretend to everyone back home that my holiday was fantastic....I just cant face telling them the truth...

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[font="Comic Sans MS"]There have been many, but this flashes to mind because it was my mother who, once again, betrayed me. We lived in a place that was unsafe. While my mother was out, a man broke in and beat and raped me. I recognized him. When my mother arrived home, she found me bruised, vomiting, bleeding and pissed off. I wanted to go to the police and report. She put me in the shower and told me to clean up. She then stormed out when I told her I recognized him and described him to her. When she returned, I asked if we were going to the police. She said, "No. We talked and I showed him what it was like to f**k a real woman. You're not going to ruin this for me." I had no words. She did take me to the public health clinic to be patched up (a horrible, horrible experience). I was 14. A couple of weeks later after I turned 15, I left. I realized her caring about me was a lost cause and finally gave up. I joke that some women have the "mother" gene and some simply don't. [/font]

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He did....I went to talk to his wife or his daughter (both she was a family friend, and his daughter was and still is a good friend) about a male friend who had been doing things I wasn't comfortable with....he took that to a whole new level, and yes, I still feel betrayed by that sense.

My father for saying I may have "made it up" so my SO wouldn't think I was "easy" or getting around prior to getting in a relationship with him. I'm just like come on, i worked, had school, did a few extracurricular activities in school, when would I get the time or the energy to have a sex life? IDK why he said it but I still feel angry and hurt he would say that. He was barely there in that time period, we just coexisted under a roof and four walls, so yeah, he certainly has no right to make that sweeping judgement. I to this day still feel a lot of resentment and hostility over that.

Right now thats all I can think of. Edited by TekamahAkina

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:unsure: my first therapist, after 7 years of having a good relationship with me...she dumped me 1 night. no warning, no "this will be our last session on thursday"...nothing whatsoever and i thought things were going fine. just "I'm not going to see you anymore." That's it. Then she was gone. And she knew that abandonment was my biggest trigger, she knew what she was doing, she knew how hard it was going to be on me... and now she has nothing to do with me. Out of nowhere. :tear:

:glare: ex "best friend" K who just disappeared out of my life, and allowed me for a YEAR to think she was dead when she refused to answer emails, her phone, or anything. i still have no idea why she did it. we are no longer friends.



how did i deal with it? by crying for the past 6 years and not getting over it. :shy: i wish i could. i dont know how.

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My husband cheating on me after being with him for 8yrs - it's broken my heart, don't think its something I'll ever get over...

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My mother for not protecting me and allowing my father to do those awful things to me. Actually, she enabled the behavior. Then she refused to believe me and instead chose him over me.

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My worst betryal was after 25 yrs of marriage finding out my husband abused our Daughter!!!

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maybe a trigger for some ppl?

1) my step dad for molesting me for so many years, and telling my mom he wasnt, and taking advantage by giving me the impression if i talked bout it the family i wanted to be real would fall apart, and my mom would be devastated
2) my mom. i can forgive her for marrying a convicted child molester(because he had been convicted 15 years ago and seemed to have recovered, even his daughter thought so, and me too at first)but when it all finally came to light she lied about seeing him AND LET HIM INTO OUR HOUSE and was sitting on his side of the courtroom while i was falling apart on the other, trying to help his legal case, and oh yeah, she defended him by saying 'he was sleep deprived' which totally explains everything!
3) the f*ckn lawyer he hired who said i dreamed it all, and 'i dont know how much sexual experience you have since youre 14, but how else would you know what male genitals feel like' i almost threw the water bottle they gave me at him
4)my friend/father-like figure/mentor-dude-person for helping me so much and then disappearing out of my life. sorta a trend with people i know

i got through it by trying really hard to make my mom understand. shes on my side now, but i stil have some issues with trusting her. the lawyer i just am pissed at from afar, and the mentor dude is just gone, so i focus on stuff i can do. not really specific or helpful, i know. Edited by BladeDancer

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I know how that feels. It's like your whole world crashes along with your computer.
After weeks of going over police statements I found I had accidentally voice recorded my assault when I put my iPod down. I cried that it vindicated me and corroborated my version of events. Some of it word for word.
Then last weekend the thing froze and I had to wipe it and restore it.

[quote name='nickita' timestamp='1288940215' post='1285501']
My worst betrayal now is the fact that my now ex husband confessed and apologised to me for what 'happened' on facebook chat log, i had no way of saving it not being computer literate... I asked the police who were already involved... 4 days later someone came to 'look at it and read it' and said that this was enough evidence to now go ahead with a charge against him, added to the other evidence that had been collected which was not enough on its own. then last night after managing to save it for several days without shutting the computer down, waiting for a special team to come and retrieve the messages so they could be evidenced... facebook has just crashed and its all lost... all of it... there is now no way to evidence it... i am devastated... and feel totally betrayed by the system now was well as him.
[/quote]

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My worst betrayal I think was my mom. I had three perps, all members of the family. My dad, my uncle, and my maternal grandfather. She knew. And she did nothing. For fourteen years of my life she knew what they were doing to me. Especially my dad, there's no denying she knew things were happening there. When I started remembering she was able to describe to me certain events in great detail to me. Not only did she know what was going on and let it continue, but she kept it to herself until this past year. It took her 22 years to tell someone, and that person was me. In ways, I think that hurts more than the damage from extensive CSA. :tear:

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A guy I was hooking up with noticed that I hesitated on some things and asked me if I had been abused in the past. I said I wasn't ready to talk about it. Later that night, he had sex with me without checking to make sure I was okay with it, despite the fact that I was clearly far too drunk to be able to decide whether or not I wanted to. Turns out he's a bit of an alcoholic, so even though my BAC was about twice as high as his, he doesn't remember anything and I'm stuck remembering everything. He doesn't even know that he betrayed me. And in answer to his question, no, I hadn't been physically or sexually abused in the past, but I had been emotionally abused. But now if he were to ask me again, I'd have to say yes to all three. How ironic.
This just happened a few weeks ago, so I'm still trying to process what happened and figure out how to cope. Edited by splath

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1. My biggest betrayal: My boyfriend at age 14... the first person I opened up to. I told him that my neighbor was forcing me to have sex with him and that I thought I might be pregnant (my 30 something year old neighbor that is). My bf of the time got mad, said I was cheating on him (yes, rape counts as the girl cheating apparently) and then shoved me into a wall. He was the first person I thought I could trust enough to confide in and get help from. Instead, I woke up after blacking out to him pulling my pants off, and raping me. And then beating me. He destroyed any trust I had left to give that I might ever be able to get help

2. My friend at age 15, who I went camping with him AND HIS MOM. I trusted him to go on a hike and he threw away my asthma medication and drank all of our water in 100+ degree weather. That night he came into my tent, held a knife to my throat, and raped me too.

3. My first counselor, who when I said I think I was raped (a bit of an understatement, I knew I had been but was scared)... she kicked me out of the appointment 50 minutes early. I got a new counselor that specializes in SA.

4. My friend 'M', who said she believed me, and took me under her wing and treated me like her baby sister. I will never forgive her for saying "I'm not mad, but I can't keep repeating myself. You need help, you are really fucked up. I know you are, you know you are, so just get over it, don't talk to me anymore" Thanks M... you could have just said you needed me to talk to someone else about my rape... instead I just wanted to die that night for feeling I had hurt you somehow.

5. A crisis line, for saying that they didn't believe me when I told them I was having memories of CSA... for actually providing a link to the False Memory Syndrome page. Thank you, because I needed to know the world doubts me just as much as I doubt myself.

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