Melanie

5 worst betrayals

148 posts in this topic

Someone mentioned there mom sharing details of her sex life with them... my mom did/does that too. And when I dare(!) get mad she says; "You're so immature." Um, she shared graphic details of her sex life with her 11-year-old!

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I don't know maybe this is stupid. My worst betrayal is from the man who assaulted me. He was my uncle for god sakes. I was 9 years old. I'm just not sure how the uncle i loved could have done that to me. I mean he still tries to be part of my life but now that i know what happened, never.

Krisitn

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Goodness there are so many,

friends for making light of my rape and making me feel like i overreacted.

bf for saying that if I was a more responsible person it would never have happened and forcing me to go to the police, "if i really was sorry and loved him" then phoning the guy to make himself feel better as i begged him not too.

acquaintances for calling me a liar or continuing to speak to this guy.

the police for making me feel like the guilty one then not telling me what they had decided to do with the case. the interviewed a the guy and my friends after me but never responded to my report. that was 10 years ago and i never contacted them again through fear of opening the wound. this has left me feeling like i was to blame and my rape was not even worthy of their time. how can you heal with things left so open?

hopefully i will find some closure hear

Boo

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I may use some not-so-polite words, but it's all I've got when it comes to talking about my cousin.

#1 - I had this dress. It was navy blue, with little white words all over it, reading "I am a good girl." It had a little matching purse. My jerk-off teenage cousin would constantly harass me when I wore it, saying, "That's wrong, it should say, [i]'I am a bad girl. I am a bad girl.'[/i]" For years I believed it, and thought that my secret made me a freak, or dirty in comparison to everyone around me.

#2 - I thought he was going to marry me. Talk about messing a kid up in the head. While the abuse was going on, I thought it was okay, because I loved him and he was going to marry me.

#3 - I never got any help. It was the 1970's, and most people didn't talk about sexual abuse then. While my cousin was toted off to a psychologist (who pronounced that his accusers were 'projecting' responsibility for the abuse onto him), I was told that it wasn't my fault. That was it. There ya' go, kid...have a nice life.

Thanks, this thread has been helpful in organizing some of my hardest issues.

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1. my uncle using my need for protection to get sexual benifits when he should of been protecting me not hurting me more
2. my mother for all the yrs of hurt and pain
3. my husbane for all the yrs of abuse
4. when my mother was so calous about my miscarages and stillbirth to my bueatiful son, i broke down at the grave of my son and phisicaly couldent get up at the funeral, and my mother was sitting there saying come on kristy get up and hurry up the man wants to fill in the hole. and when i miscarried, she was asking the doctor where i was in the room with her and could here her aying did she miscarage because she eats so much junk food.
5. my mum when i was a very little girl, acusing me of having an afair with my father. i was suposed to be too young to even know what she was talking about, but i knew because i was already having sexual relations with my uncle. i felt so used and dirty and broken when she acused me of that. and it tainted the love i had for my father.

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One of the first people I told about my rape was a teacher at my school. My rapist was another teacher. She was really wonderful and talked to me and helped me tell my parents. But when the CPS said they couldn't prosecute I think she thought I was lying all along. I saw her a couple of weeks after he was allowed back at school, laughing with him whilst on bus duty. That hurt. I never spoke to her again.

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This is my first post...I'm kind of nervous.

A father is supposed to be somebody you look for to guide you, to protect you, and to show you what's right and wrong. Well, my father raped me constantly as a 5 and 6 year old child. I was betrayed by someone who should have treated me better.

I also was betrayed by my oldest brother. He molested me when I was 8.

I also feel betrayed somewhat by my mother. She should have known what was going on. My father raped me 3 or 4 times a week. I don't know how she didn't realize he was getting out of bed with her to rape me. My friend thinks she was in denial.

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even tho thye came around after awile, my dad's reaction at first really stung. but my 19 year brothers was the worst. after i realized that i had been date r*ped, and just how aful and serious it was, she called my dad. his first reaction wasnt 'is she ok?" or anything, it was the typical gguy response (sorry im just angry at all guys right now) 'why didnt she go to the police sooner'. ARGH!! my brothers rxn was bad to. he said if the court thinks im lying if this goes to trial, i would go to jail. why would someone lie about being r*ped. it made me feel awful. the worst thing is he called me in the er to telll me that, can u believe it? ouch!

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[quote name='Musikalgeak' date='04 April 2010 - 10:11 AM' timestamp='1270336281' post='1160863']
This is my first post...I'm kind of nervous.

A father is supposed to be somebody you look for to guide you, to protect you, and to show you what's right and wrong. Well, my father raped me constantly as a 5 and 6 year old child. I was betrayed by someone who should have treated me better.

I also was betrayed by my oldest brother. He molested me when I was 8.

I also feel betrayed somewhat by my mother. She should have known what was going on. My father raped me 3 or 4 times a week. I don't know how she didn't realize he was getting out of bed with her to rape me. My friend thinks she was in denial.
[/quote]

Musikalgeak - I hope it's okay to offer you a :hug:

I was sexually abused as a child but it was not my father. I have always wondered how my fellow survivors survive such a terrible violation; it's the worst betrayal I can imagine and I take my hat off to their - YOUR - strength. I hope you'll use this forum for support, hon, there are many members like you here.

Take care

Louise

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[quote name='becky1287' date='07 April 2010 - 09:37 PM' timestamp='1270636660' post='1162814']
even tho thye came around after awile, my dad's reaction at first really stung. but my 19 year brothers was the worst. after i realized that i had been date r*ped, and just how aful and serious it was, she called my dad. his first reaction wasnt 'is she ok?" or anything, it was the typical gguy response (sorry im just angry at all guys right now) 'why didnt she go to the police sooner'. ARGH!! my brothers rxn was bad to. he said if the court thinks im lying if this goes to trial, i would go to jail. why would someone lie about being r*ped. it made me feel awful. the worst thing is he called me in the er to telll me that, can u believe it? ouch!
[/quote]


Wow, Becky, your brother called you in the ER to tell you what would happen "if" you were lying??? That must have been horrible, sweetheart. You'll never cop anything like that here.

Take care

Lou x

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[quote name='bumblebee_hope' date='03 April 2010 - 06:48 AM' timestamp='1270237687' post='1160160']
One of the first people I told about my rape was a teacher at my school. My rapist was another teacher. She was really wonderful and talked to me and helped me tell my parents. But when the CPS said they couldn't prosecute I think she thought I was lying all along. I saw her a couple of weeks after he was allowed back at school, laughing with him whilst on bus duty. That hurt. I never spoke to her again.
[/quote]

Oh,Bumblebee, it must have hurt horribly to see her sweep it under the rug and treat your rapist as a friend after she'd engaged your trust. No wonder you never spoke to her again :hug:

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[quote name='Melanie' date='08 March 2003 - 12:10 PM' timestamp='1047143424' post='17982']
For me the worst betrayal was from my grandparents. These people are my blood and yet they let the man who abused me as child into their home. For fuck sake they make him cups of tea.
I am now the mad deranged member fo the famliy because I dare to express the opinion that this isnt right.
How did i work thru it? I said fuck the lot of you.
Mel
[/quote]
My mawmaw did allowed my cousin back into her house TO LIVE after i told her what happened and she said she believed me and that he couldn't stay at her house but a week later he was back- and she pays for everything for him- i don't get it- does she believe me and not care- or she just thinks i'm lying?? fair to say i'm a tad p.o

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Betrayals-

1. My Cousin (29) - he was my favorite cousin out of hundreds always looked forward to seeing him when i visited my mawmaw- then when i was 18 decided it was okay to molest me and then try and rape me- he was someone i thought i could count on and someone i thought was a good adult- i couldn't have been more wrong

2. My MAwmaw- she told my parents my cousin could no longer live in her house after what he did to me- a week later he was back in the house and she pays for most of his things

3. My "best friend"- it was really hard for me to talk about- and after i told her- she just blew it off and told me about how great her and her boyfriend were doing- she acted like it wasnt a big deal at all

4. Myself- i don't talk about it- i don't deny it but i avoid it- i figure if i stay positive and only think of happy things that it'll eventually go away- it's like a dark spot i'm trying to cover up with smile

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1st betrayal - My older brother, who was supposed to be the one who protects me and support me through everything in my life was actually the one who first tried to give me to his friends as payment and then he himself went after me.
2nd betrayal- My mom, she is constantly on the phone with him although she knows all of what he did. She takes him places and it seems like she and my dad are having a secret realtionship with him and I believe have even had him out to our house when I wasn't there. They help me to remember daily to remember what he did to me.

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My boyfriend at the time.

We weren't together at the time of the r*pe, but the person who did it to me was one of his friends. The next couple months after that I didn't even consider that I had been r*ped, I just thought I had been drunkenly promiscuous. When I finally began to validate my own feelings and told my boyfriend, he told me he thought I was blowing it out of proportion.

I told him it killed me inside whenever he'd hang out with him, laugh with him, or talk to him to lightheartedly. My boyfriend said he was in a tough position and didn't want to have to chose between us and be in the middle. [i]Tough position[/i]. Really? He wouldn't even notice how bothered I seemed when he'd talk to him in front of me. And the thing that I just can not understand, and probably never will, is why he thought it'd be okay to bring the asshole over to my house when I was having a party. My own f*cking house.

How can anyone be so stupid and careless?

Needless to say, we are no longer a couple. The worst part is, I wasn't the one to break it off--I loved him too much. I thought eventually he'd understand and take my side. But no, he broke up with me because he just didn't feel the same way. So I basically put up with having to be around the person who r*ped me, just to get dumped in the end.

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possible *T*

1. The teacher/"mentor" who did it. He invited me to have lunch at his house. Even though I considered him a friend, I hesitated because I wasn't used to older people inviting me over like that. He sensed my hesitation and said "listen, you don't have to be afraid of me." So I did go to his house, and that was when he did it.

2. "Peter", the first friend I told. He told me that it was wrong for me to have befriended an older man in the first place- he even literally said "Well, I hate to say I told you so...". After that I gave up on seeking help or sympathy, and wound up disappearing from all my friends and just letting the perp use and blackmail me until I broke down and dropped out of college. My life would have been very different if Peter hadn't reacted that way, or if I'd had the presence of mind to dismiss him and his thoughtless words.

3. Not sure if this counts, but the perp's (supposedly separated) wife who personally contacted me and accused me of being a homewrecker and wronging her and her children. (The perp had actually told me enough about her that I know his "relationship" with her began very much like what happened with me- she was the same age and everything. He did the same thing to her and she rightfully called it R, but he eventually convinced her she was wrong, and she tragically wound up marrying him and having kids with him. My heart breaks for her, even though she shamed me.)

4. My parents for not letting me feel like I could tell them a thing like that. All my life, whenever anyone harassed or bullied me, my father blamed me and punished me strictly, and my mother let him. So telling them about the R was unthinkable, because I knew they would make life at home miserable for me. To this day, all they know is that I was frantic to stop attending university for no apparent reason.

Well, I am trying to confront my trauma and heal, and joining this forum is a part of that. I did eventually complete my degree. And I have decided I will eventually talk to my mother about it, but not until I have moved out. Edited by Atargatis

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*takes a deep breathe* The worst betrayl for my is my ex because i trusted him so much n He was the 1 who raped me

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The place where I work,Iam on workers comp because that is where it happened the worst night of my life,and the boss did nothing about it when I finally told her,he worked there another 10 months before he resigned and today the boss has never rang.I WILL NEVER GO BACK

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He was kind of my boyfriend... we weren't doing anything. Hadn't even kissed. He said that we should wait before going into a relationship. "I don't want to run and find out I should have walked." is what he said.

Funny, he didn't seem to mind running.

That was the first betrayal. 6 months of abuse. 2 months of rape and 1 month of torture.

The other betrayal... I don't know if it's worse or not... was from the school faculty. Teachers walked by as he did all this to me. They did nothing. They just walked by and never stopped him.

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+T+

Betrayals

My father and my uncle for not taking care of us (we were 2 and 5 when it started) and letting boy cousins take care of us / "play" with us when our and their mothers were sleeping.

My father for not protecting me (after I told him I was left in hospital

My ex husband for raping me anally and vaginally (I had to slide it down so it wasnt anally again)

Denying it to everyone, laughing at me when I bring up the PTSD symptoms (this happened again today)

Leaving me in hospital and taking my 4 year old on a holiday

For refusing to let my oldest son and me attend my 4 year old's birthday party

For organising child protection so that they questioned my ability to look after the little one (I was accused of trying to kill myself, self injure and have sex with a woman IN FRONT of my kids).

For leaving me unprotected at a football game and watching me go down another escalator (men taunted me).

For all of the mental abuse and gaslighting (psychological abuse)

For letting me find out he had a new partner through a real estate agent ringing up

For trying to take the kids off me completely under the view that I was mentally unwell. This was a payback for organising an intervention order against him.

For a subpoena on work, hospital and other records to try to claim that I was crazy rather than abused.

His mother

For saying that I was lucky that i didnt hurt him more when he beat me up (I slapped his face), he choked me and punched me repeatedly in the head and gave me concussion. For denying the rapes occured even though she was a survivor of a beating herself from her own husband

My brother

When I asked my brother to intervene in the abuse, he said to my mum that he couldnt cos it would "wreck Christmas".

His friend Julie

I had confided that I was in a domestic abusive situation and had previously been raped. We were getting to know eachother. I said if I have a problem with you, I will tell you. She said if I have a problem with you, I will tell you husband. She told me one night I invited them over for dinner that I should be grateful for my ex husband marrying me considering I was ........(mentally unwell). (I was told I had bipolar, turns out I have C-PTSD) I wasnt mentally unwell until I met him.

Lawyers

At the time I received a demand for full custody of the children and the claims that I was crazy rather than abused, they sent on the same day, what I considered a ransom request for between $50k to $100K to represent me in a family court case, without asking me how I wanted to proceed. Apparently this is unconscionable conduct and is a criminal act as they were taking advantage of me and there was a significant power difference between us at the time.

His friend Vyv

He knew I had been beaten and raped. He witnessed my ex husband laughing about my beating at a dinner in a restaurant that I paid for. He would intervene when he saw my ex get nasty at home. He was beaten himself by his wife some years back. Yet he still is supporting him 100%.

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Four of these are betrayals by people I trusted enough to tell about my rape.

5. One of my closer friends reacting to me telling her that I had been raped by saying "I have to go now."

4. My older brother getting really fucking drunk one night and starting to yell about me regarding how big of a failure I supposedly was and how I needed to "grow up" and "make some real decisions about my life." (He was the one still living at his dad's house at age 28... I was only 19.) He also accused me of thinking I was "SO WISE" since I've been through "SO MUCH," all said very sarcastically. Later I wanted to go upstairs to try and patch up the argument with him, thinking perhaps I had some part in it after all. I asked before entering his room if he was "decent." He said yes. I came upstairs to find him stark naked. He tried to say something about how he was so comfortable with me that he didn't give a fuck if I saw him naked and hoped I was comfortable enough not to care either. Needless to say I turned around and quickly left. Very triggering and gross. He still creeps me out.

3. My best friend came over to support me after a very challenging interaction with the police during which I had to call my perp on the phone and confront him. (The cops were taping the call, and I was supposed to try and get a confession from my abuser.) Anyway, after everything she KNEW I had been through that day, she started an argument about something silly, and when I told her that I wasn't in a place to talk about it, she said something like "Well, since you've just ASSIGNED yourself breaking-down status, I clearly can't say ANYTHING to criticize you!"

Yeah, I love her dearly, but part of me wonders how our friendship survived that.

2. My mother reacting to me telling her that I was feeling suicidal and needed to stop arguing with her by continuing to scream, rant, and rage about something that was none of her business in the first place, completely ignoring my need to disengage, until I was literally on the floor hyperventilating from sobbing and my dad had to intervene.

And worst of all, of course:

1. ... was my perp drugging, abusing and raping me when I had formerly loved and trusted him.

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The biggest betrayal for me was during the divorce process when church friends testified on his behalf that he was so wonderful, and also during and after the divorce I found out some of the people KNEW that he probably has a mental illness or something wrong and had known even before we got together...all those years they looked me in the eye and smiled and said how wonderful it was that we were married. It was the church betrayal more than anything for me because I had grown up in this "one and only right way on earth" and believed and trusted in it. But the good thing is that as a result I broke free from that and now see that religious group for what it truly is.

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When I lost All of my friends.

~Angel

Edited by LVangel

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Possible T

My own Mother didn't believe me. She continued to talk to him, she even asked him to come paint our house for her. I couldn't understand how she never believed me but then I started to think "Ok well she knew him for so long and they were together once so of course she doesn't want to believe the things he did to me.

Then another girl stepped forward and said he had done things to her as well and all of a sudden my Mother finally believed me and I think that hurt the most. The things I told her meant nothing. The fact that I called her screaming and crying that she come get me or find someone to come get me RIGHT THEN. The nightmares, the emails I told her he sent me. He own friend who came and got me who read/saw everything telling her what had happened and she still to my face called me a liar. Then one little girl who was a complete stranger to her came forward and suddenly she was so full of apologies for doubting me. I didn't need her then. I needed her to believe me and be there for me when it happened, when I had NO ONE to lean on for support that wouldn't throw it back in my face.

My bf at the time and the things he said to me. He used to fight with me and say things like "He knew you were a whore and knew you wanted him to watch you and record you". "You deserved all of it because your a slut". Then the next day he would turn around and tell me he wanted to kill him for what he did...

Myself because I let that man back into my life so many times because I was convinced I was paranoid until I found the camera and videos. Because I didn't tell the police right away. Because I read all of the mind fuck emails he sent me telling me he thought "I wanted him" when I should have just deleted them and never put myself through that.

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My worst betrayal now is the fact that my now ex husband confessed and apologised to me for what 'happened' on facebook chat log, i had no way of saving it not being computer literate... I asked the police who were already involved... 4 days later someone came to 'look at it and read it' and said that this was enough evidence to now go ahead with a charge against him, added to the other evidence that had been collected which was not enough on its own. then last night after managing to save it for several days without shutting the computer down, waiting for a special team to come and retrieve the messages so they could be evidenced... facebook has just crashed and its all lost... all of it... there is now no way to evidence it... i am devastated... and feel totally betrayed by the system now was well as him.

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