Melanie

5 worst betrayals

148 posts in this topic

My worst betrayals...*sigh*

Having my grampa abuse me...when grampas are supposed to take you fishing and to the park and you're supposed to love them and like ebing with them.

When my parents didn't do much about it and told me never to talk about it. When they took better care of him then they did me.

When my dad let him near me even though I was shaking with terror. And he did really nothing about it because he felt guilty over his own sexual problems. (so he felt bad accusing my grampa)

When my parents refused to see my pain.

You know...sometimes I feel betrayed by the whole world. :(

I'm working on it...but am surely not past my betrayal issues yet.

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My biggest betrayal...

The day I told my mom what my brother had been doing to me for 13 years and her response was to call me names and said I was a liar.  It was the day that the slightest glimmer of hope that this may be the end of the abuse was crushed.  A new form of abuse started with my entire family....a #### I had to live in for two years until I left to start my life over.

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((((((((Hugs ))))))) for everyone.  This is a great thread, difficult, but good.

I've been thinking about this for a while now, and my worst betrayals are not by my abuser and rapist.  They didn't love me, and weren't supposed to care about me.  Really it has been the people closest to me that have hurt me the most.

My mum is probably the worst, and most of my mental health problems boil down to her never wanting or loving me.  I believe that when I was born my mum had post natal depression that was never treated.  She despised me the day I was born, and that has never changed.  She blames me for all of her mistakes, and is jealous of everything that I have done with my life that she couldn't.  I have acheived a lot in my life, but she has never once been proud.
Also, she can't bear to touch me.  As a child I was never hugged or kissed.  Even now, if I brush past her she will flinch.  This hurts more than anything else that has ever happened to me.

Michael is the father of my 4 year old son.  We were good friends for about 2 years before we got it together.  I knew it wasn't going anywhere, but my mum had just kicked me out at age 17, and I had moved away from my friends, so the company was good.  I fell pregnant, and booked an abortion.  Within two days of booking it he was gone.  He didn't even say "it's over", he just went.  Stopped answering my calls, even ignored my letters.  I lost my job and was totally alone.  I ended up cancelling the abortion, but making that choice pushed me the closest to suicide I have ever been.  I know I will never get that low again.  I found out later that he had left me for a 15 year old girl, they are still together, so she is my sons stepmum.  To be honest I don't really know how I got over it.

My dad left when I was 2, but we have always had such a great relationship.  We are very alike, another reason why my mum hates me so much, and I know he is proud of me.  The day I turned 18 he gave me £400, and basically said "thats it, I'm off the hook, my responsibility to you is over".  I felt like I'd been paid off.  When he found out I was pregnant he refused to speak to me for a year.  One day I just turned up on his doorstep and forced my way in.  It has taken me a long time to start rebuilding that trust, and I really miss my old dad.

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Yeah, after I was raped the first time, I called my friend Megan the next day and told her I thought that I ahd been sexaully assaulted the night before.  Teh first thing she said was, "Well that's what you get for going home with guys you don't know"  What sucks is that she was right.  I wish I could say that I hae done something to deal with that but at least she and I aren't friends anymore.

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My aunt, who walked in on her fiance abusing me, married him anyway. She called him a sick bastard at the time, but I refused to talk to her about it after, and I don't know what she was thinking. I guess I'm not surprised she stayed with him, I just hope she keeps him away from other girls he could hurt.

Me -- for not screaming or running away ... for staying in their house for five days ... for pretending everything was okay

Him -- for asking me to keep it a secret between the three of us

My boyfriend at the time for constantly asking me when we could have sex again, reinforcing my shame by saying he didn't think I should tell our friends, and just generally not supporting what I was going through. He's since apologized for some things and that was one of the most healing moments of my life. We were only 15, I know he did the best he could at the time.

My college friend who when I told her what had happened to me, responded with, "How could you let that happen?" I ended the friendship.

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my worst betrayal came from my mum. when i told her what had happened to me, she called me a liar, and then proceeded to ask me what i was spreading lies for, and did i not realise i was throwing away half a house when they died.. apparently a house is more important than my safety.
then i learnt that she'd suspected something for a while, and that my step dad had admitted to her when they first got together that he liked younger girls, and still thought it was ok for him to be alone with me...

i havent dealt with it... right now im just very angry with her.

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Is it possible to betray one's own self? I say this not in doubt, but in concern. My step-sister was the victim, but I see her doin gthings that seem like they coud be hurting her even more. Mostly lying to people about things happenening and going on with her cuz of wat happened, but they are not true. I am afraid for her cuz she won't talk to anyone. My mom tried to get her couseling, but she won't go, then tells everyone that mom won't do anything for her or won't be there for her and don't care about her. Why would she take a horrible thing and make it seem worse than it is?[size="3"][/size]

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I am even scared to write this but I was involved in a church that was sorta like a cult. The church split, thats a whole big messy event but then my husband left me and our 3 children. The Pastors had split and then my husband married the Pastor(WIFE). That is the 2 biggest betrayals right now. The abuse in my childhood and life I can deal with alot better I think.

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My physical therepist [url="http://www.pandys.org/forums/public/style_emoticons/#EMO_DIR%23/trigger: warning for mention of the M word m******ing me %5Burl="http://www.pandys.org/forums/public/style_emoticons/#EMO_DIR%23/bawling.gif"]http://www.pandys.org/forums/public/style_emoticons/#EMO_DIR#/bawling.gif[/url]
my so called bf, W attepting to **** me, and then there's the worst of all being set up on date with a mawho turned out to be a serial r**ist. :angry:

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Strangely enough my mom I don't have proof, but she knew and treated me like dirt initially when I told her. She watched me suffer without doing a damn thing all these years. :angry:

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My worst: having my husband rape me after he knew what had been done to me in my past and him telling me I "had problems" when I wanted him to understand about those problems and not use them as a weapon against me.

How did I get over it? I haven't yet. Still dealing with the pain.

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- having a bf talk about how much he loved me and how beautiful I was while I was fighting to get his hands off me.

- Telling my parents I was depressed, being told "well, maybe you should get out more" and "Mom's having a lot of problems right now, so you'll have to wait." They don't know about the abuse, but you'd think the response to "I'm depressed" is not "well, we don't have time right now."

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1. Being sexually abused by my father as a small child. I worked through it in therapy with a therapist who had dealt with lots of CSA, in group, and by journaling.
2. Realizing my mother must have known. I am still working on this one.
3. Getting raped and humiliated by the priest who heard my 5th step. Getting into the Bible and coming to believe that God loves and accepts me as I am, lots of therapy, writing a book, filing a claim, speaking at the place I was assaulted.
4. Discovering my church knew the priest had been a serial rapist/abuser and still left me alone with him. Still working on it.
5. Wondering if I was set up. I will find out, if humanly possible.

[url="http://www.janeteclark.com/"]http://www.janeteclark.com/[/url]

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My worst betrayal was by my rapist.
He was like a brother to me, he was trusted in our house. I trusted him.
I feel sick knowing how he manipulated everyone in our family...
I don't want to say anymore about it.

My second worst betrayal was by my best friend at the time.
I had to pluck up so much courage to tell her, and she didn't believe me.
I automatically assumed she would of, I was in such a state of shock.
Then she spread rumors that I was " a whore who put out for anyone".
And that I lied, about everything.
She went to on to try and convince our school when we took exams, that I'd cheated.
Luckily she failed, but I can never forgive her for what she did.

My other betrayal that hit me on a religious level was that this "god" I had so much faith in put me through all this agony.
Was he "testing me"?
I don't know.
But I know I can't bring myself to believe anymore....

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The first betrayal was my first abuser;my middle school guidance counselor.I started school in the middle school in late October of my 7th grade year.I had no friends,was being bullied,could not advocate for myself and he knew that my teachers had already written me off.He knew I had a learning disability he knew how frustrated I was that I had to work twice as hard as my peers and that I still wasn't getting good grades and that all I was getting for my effort was being made fun of and mocked. I sat by myself at lunch.He would come sit with me and talk to me.He really seemed like he cared about me.We talked about books and about writing and he was always supporting me and telling me that I was smart.Then over a few weeks he started telling me how pretty I was,how much he cared about me,he told me that I was his favorite girl.I believed him.Then the "shoulder rubs" at lunch started.I knew it didn't feel right. Then during the shoulder rubs he started moving his hands down to my chest (over my clothes) and he would rub.Thanks to my learning disability I had always been told that I tend to not perceive things correctly. So when he cornered me and told me to come back to lunch I did thinking I had simply misinterpreted what happened. The shoulder rubs and him moving his hands down and rubbing and touching my chest started again.He knew that I idolized him that I thought him as my friend and he used to that to abuse me.

How did I work through it? I told on him a few years ago but nothing was really done,although he now shares an office with the principal and was taken off lunch monitor duty.

The second betrayal was by my then best friend.I had just moved into town in 97 and we became fast friends,or so I thought. She came from a very screwed up family.When I knew her she had 6 siblings the oldest a boy was in and out of jail for every charge under the sun,her older sister was promiscuous,she was I admit a bully she didn't treat me very well sometimes,her younger sister was in 6th grade and was always in trouble in school,the next youngest sister was in elementary school and had speech issues but had a mouth like a sailor and last a baby girl. All of the kids were not surprisingly very sexualized.I was 12 when A and I met,she was 11.I let her stay at my house a lot and I took her on family outings with me.I did everything I could to get her out of her house as often as possible.She repaid my kindness by 2 years later luring me over to her house after school and helping her Dad lure me into his van where he drove me into the next town and with her holding me down and egging him on he m*l*st*d me and threatened to r*p* me then told me he was planning on it but that they wanted to save some fun for the house for later.She bragged to me that she had planned the attack that she hated me and because I was such a little goody two shoes and because I was too nice.She wanted to teach me a lesson as to what happens to nice girls like me who trust too many people. She told her Dad to go as far as he wanted with me and she laughed in my face.

How did I work through this? I still haven't,I'm still trying to figure out how to work through it.

The 3rd betrayal was by the couple that I had grown up living next door to for 12 years of my life. K and his wife L were very close to me,they had 2 daughters C was born when I was 7 and S was born when I was 9. K and L both worked 12-14 hour shifts at the same company everyday but Sunday.As soon as C was born she was my responsibility after school until the early morning hours usually between midnight and 2 a.m. on Saturdays I had C all day :) when S was born I began caring for both girls everyday after school and on weekends,they were my girls as far as I was concerned.I loved those girls with every fiber of my being.I was young when I was taking care of them but that never mattered to K or L and it didn't matter to me either. Once I moved twenty minutes up the road when I was 12 I had C and S every weekend :) I did a lot of the raising of those 2 girls,they were my world. When I was 15 (a year after my attempted r*p* by my then best friend and her father) and C was 9 and S was almost 6 K and L asked me to come along on the family ski trip that winter.I agreed to go.Since I was close with both K and L I made the decision on the way up to VT in the car once the girls were asleep to tell K and L what happened to me I couldn't keep it to myself anymore. I broke down and told them what my attacker had done to me.They both turned around and looked at me,they both very harshly told me "That's disgusting,you're disgusting.We never want to hear that kind of thing out of you again" they barely said 2 words to me the entire weekend ski trip. When we got back that Sunday K dropped off L and the girls at their house and as we were driving to my house he told me he was sorry for what had happened to me but that in talking with L that they had both decided that as of that moment I was no longer allowed to see C and S,that my weekend visits where they would stay with me were over. At 15 I had pretty much raised those girls for the first 9 years of C's life and the first 6 years of S's life those were my girls. After that K and L stopped attending the church that I attend as well with the girls.I didn't see the girls for 2 straight years. At 17 during one of my drivers ed lessons I drove with my instructor to K and L's house and I walked into their house just as I always had and I told K that I wanted about 10 minutes with the girls to say goodbye.He granted me that.The next time I saw them in person was this past summer.They barely said 2 words to me.L finally admitted to my family that I had raised her daughters in the beginning and that due to circumstances that I was no longer able to care for the girls. She made it sound like she felt bad that I hadn't been able to stay in the girl's lives when really it was her decision to force me out of C and S's lives!

I'm working through this now by the fact that I've been with another family for 7 almost 8 years now.I started working for Jill and Mason at 16 helping to raise the 3 girls M,P and C (P and C are identical twin girls) M was 5 at the time and P and C were 8 months.Mason passed away 3 years ago last Friday.Right before he passed away he asked me to promise him that if anything ever happened to him that I would step up for the girls.I agreed,seeing as how I had practically been raising them for the last 6 years anyway.So for the last 3 years when I'm home on break,vacations and other days where campus is closed I have been helping Jill to raise the girls,I've been the other parent in the house hold.I love my 3 girls more than anything in this world,I am working through the previous betrayal by being there for M,P and C as much as possible and by making them the focus. Edited by SurvivorThriver

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Betrayals...
Well the first was the uncle in the family that abused me between the ages of 8-10. Never told a sole until a few years ago. Big Italian family, I didnt think they would believe me.
When I told, they(my mom and her other siblings) went to a counselor together to see if i was telling the truth!!!!
An aunt told my mom I should have kept my mouth shut instead of destroying the family. She says I did it on purpose..hmm..did uncle do it to me on pupose? w/e
I am believed by 2 other uncles, yet they all still talk to this uncle. My cousins all believe me, some told me secretly they had run ins, but made me swear to never say anything...they didnt want the problems I had.
This chester the molester uncle wanted to sue me! Said I would ruin his name...like he ruined my trust in family?
In the end, I have no trust for any of them. I have learned that I think my grandmother knew all along..as weird things were said about this uncle to my mother before gramma died. My mom still talks to this uncle too.

How I have dealt with it..well Im trying to get sober...Im an alcoholic and I dont have a whole lot to do with my mothers family.

btw..my grandma was abused by an uncle in Italy. He was a big time priest in their village. What he want he got. He wanted her and no one told him no. Whats wrong with people?!

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the biggest betrayers are my friends, who only laughed at me when i came ot the mfo help, and then told everyone about my stuggles with what had happened to me. the keep reminding me about it and they keep talking about rape as if it is a joke. i can't stand them, and they are the reason i need so much help.

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My friend/social worker for giving up on me and leaving me alone after it all happened.

My friend/former teacher for forcing me to press charges when i didn't want to, and when i refused, saying "I can't help you then." and never talked to me again.

My "best friend" S for hanging out with my rapist even after she knew what he did to me.

My mother for knowing for 2 years but never saying anything to me and leaving me alone to deal with everything.

My friend J for hurting me again and not respecting my wishes to stop. Even after i said no.

How did i work through these? well, some of them i haven't, and a few of them i've tried to forget about. One of them i got angry and wrote a letter and gave back a gift that was given to me. Immature, yes. Harsh, yes. But it's what i felt i needed to do at the time, and i was young. Looking back i don't really regret anything i said or did to these people. I am wiser because of it. And definitely more cautious with my friendships. Edited by MovingForward56

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Hello everyone, This is my first post here. I was sexually abused from the ages of 7 to 15, by six people, four of which where family members. The abuse didn't end there but after 35 years of pain and years of therapy I can say that I am now a survivor.
I have many betrayals, first and for most is the fact my mother knew what was going on and she choose to turn a blinds eye. When my brother started doing it to people outside of my family and the police became involved she then informed all of us that it was wrong, and she walked away. But that didn't stop him....
Second, is my father who I know for a fact did to at least 3 of his children, he if I may was a pig of a person. He took things from me that I will never have again, and for a very long time he took my soul. I have no contact with any of my family now and that is great with me, I at lest don't have to worry about my children being there next victims.
Third, is my ex who does think I shouldn't stop my oldest child (his child) from seeing them, and he tells them things he has no right to do. He says the past in the past and I need to move on.
Fourth, is how society must punish the very people it is supposed to protect, the survivors and the ones they still called victims.
Fifth, is the justice system, and how when you turn to them they say it was your fault. This happened to me after years of abuse at the hands of my husband. I left the police station and made my plan to end my life because I believed it was my shame and I let him do it to me. But for the love I have for my children I wouldn't be here today.
Thank you for your time Edited by Eyeswideopen

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i agree that is betraying for someone such as a grandfather to do that to you....keep strong and in the end you will learn to just get over it!

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the biggest betryal was to myself, i put up a wall and acted like as if never happend
my secound betrayal is letting it happen again, its so hard felt so powerless so degraded
my third betrayal is to my mum who i never told, ive shared everything in my lyf not this i just cant do it cant hiurt in that way
my forth betrayal is when my father asked what was going on i lied cold blue in the face
my fifth betrayal is to my partner he has know idea what i carry on my shoulders everyday

the worst betrayal is to myself for not willing to accept it happend even now i kid myself, it never goes away no matter who's arms your in and that i will have to carry with me all my life alone a void that i cannot fill

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1. the ex. who is the reason i'm here---still working on getting through that
2. my best friend of ten years who my family took in and supported for 3 years and who then not only didn't help me, but contributed majorly to lowering my self-esteem over those 3 years, sprend rumors about me allover school, and made things even worse
3. one of the only actual friends i had during the relationship (all the others were really his friends), who told me, when i went to him about my ex. treating me badly, told me that he was just like that and it wasn't a big deal
4. the other people who were around when it was happen (like in the same room/car) and never tried to stop it or even tell me something was wrong
5. Parents. never taught me how i should be treated. not just in this case either, but never tried to make things better when i had sexist teachers and classmates who couldn't stand a girl who was smarter than them without trying.

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-The worst betrayal was by the boy who hurt me, because I thought he was my friend, and I looked up to him and trusted him. He was older than me and he told me that going out of bounds at recess wouldn't matter and then he hurt me and my friend.
-I feel like I betrayed myself and my friend when I didn't go for help while I had the chance.

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Great and necessary thread!

One of my sisters betrayed me tremendously as she orchestrated, then watched as her boyfriend (14 yrs old) raped me on my bedroom floor. She stood at the doorway and glared at me w/a hatred and a callousness in her eyes that burned into mine. My eyes pleaded for her help, and she did nothing. I was 8 years old.

My family does not know (29 yrs later). She and I don't speak of it. I honestly don't even know if she remembers. She spent my entire childhood abusing me physically, verbally and psychologically. I lived in a state of constant fear...terror really.

She forever changed the connotation of the word sister.

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my sister's husband, who i had known since i was 7 raped me in their home as my 8 and 4 year old nieces slept upstairs. My sister, who had always been my best friend drove me to the hospital and saw me self-destruct in the following years. she chose to stay with him. i haven't spoken to her since, they're having a baby at the end of december. my parents want me to talk to her, they think i should forgive and forget. they want me to "let it go" and "get over it." they go to visit, and eat dinner with him, and sleep in the bed where it happened. I don't know if i will ever really forgive them.

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