Jes

Top 10 Stupidest Comments

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I love my friends desperately, and most at least know the basics that I was raped.  After I had talked to one of them about me going to therapy and being on meds now she said:

"So, it's been worse than you've been letting on, huh? "

I know she didn't mean to bad, but I just wanted to say that nobody really knows how bad it is, but if you really want to hear it I can give you all the gory details and let you decide.  Maybe I'm overreacting, but it just hit me wrong.

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There have been so many dumb responses, it's tough to know which one to pick.  I  mean, isn't it stupid to assume a woman wanted to be raped?  

But I think the dumbest one came from a classmate who I was kind of friends with at the time, who asked me, "How do you know you were raped?"  

I felt like replying, well I really don't I'm just guessing.... Have I.Q.s dropped 20 points??

Lee

 

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after a recent suicide attempt, my ex bf, father of my son's words of wisdom?

(big fat trigger warning)

"next time cut up and down not side to side.  Just die and save us the time."

Thanks, pal.  You give me such hope in humanity.

Laney

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The worst thing that was said to me was said by my doctor. I have been raped 3 times by 3 different people, I suffered with depression and I told my doctor what had happened as I was considering hypnotherapy. His advice was not to have hypnotherapy but : "Think about why you put yourself in that position and try not to put yourself in that position again"

I'd like to know what that position is. No woman puts herself in the position to get raped, thats just like telling me its my fault. I have not been back to that doctor since. He set me back so far, I hated myself for weeks after he said that to me.

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Dear Kanbean -- I cannot believe a doctor, someone who is supposed to be helpful and supportive would say something like that to you-- or anyone.  Some people, even though educated to the facts, as he must be, still hang onto chauvanistic ideas about people and life.  Some people just have a hard time believing anything bad about a guy, even one who is so cruel and inhuman as to commit an act of rape.

Society prefers to give guys the benefit of the doubt and us the blame.  Go figure.

Hugs-- Lee    

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My fiance's grandpa and I were talking about the Kobe Bryant case... He said that she's probably lying, but even if she was raped, it was her fault because no 19 year old should be naive enough to go up to his room at midnight.

<sarcasm>yes, because going up to his room means she was asking for sex, even if she said she didn't.</sarcasm>

Jared's cousin, in the same conversation... "Of course she is lying, it happens all the time... the majority of so-called rape victims are lying about it." So, I said "No, actually, if you look at the statistics, it's only 2%. That's hardly a majority." he didn't have much to say after being confronted with the facts. :P

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LOL, Kristen, good for you, letting Jared's cousin have it.

One of my personal favorites (from quite awhile ago) was:  "Your brother, huh?  You must be so ashamed."

Oy.  Thanks a bunch.  Like I didn't feel ashamed already...

Or, after disclosing about one of the date rapes, I got:  "Well, what did you THINK was going to happen, drinking alone w/ him?"

Now, THERE'S a question I haven't asked myself a million times already...

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what did you think was going to happen?  probly you were gonna drink...alone...imagine, a girl who wants only what she SAYS she wants...

i wish i could think of a stupid comment...i dont know any big sports fans or id probly get an earful about how innocent Kobe is, too...

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Okay I read the first page and got pissed off.  How can someone believe that once you get raped once and become a rape victim mean that you can't dress a certain way anymore?!

But what seems to be the main point behind what everyone's saying is that they don't understand how it feels to be a victim, so they don't think it's that big of a deal.  Is that a reasonable assumption?

Actually I don't really have any stupid comments because the people I have told know what it's like to be in my shoes.  I just wanted to express my feelings is all.  Thanks.

~~Kat

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A co-worker to me, after I told him his rape "jokes" weren't funny:

"If you don't learn to laugh about it, you'll never get over it."

ugh

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Until the other day, I didn't really have anything that would have fit in this thread. Then I went back to work with my bruises and sprained wrist, hoping people wouldn't ask too many questions.

This one lady, who always says completely inappropriate things, walked into the lunchroom, looked at me, looked at my wrist and went "what did you do?" even though she already knew what had happened.

She then went on to say "why didn't you just run away like any normal person would have."

Sorry, guess I was just too busy trying to survive.

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Mine would probably be from my Mom right when I was telling her what happened (which was VERY hard for me to do):

"Well what I want to know is, what's your definition of rape?"

I just sat and stared at her thinking "huh???"

~Olivia~

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the first time i told my friend, who shall remain nameless, that i was raped, the frst thing she said to me was "was he at least good-looking?" what does it matter?

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The most stupidest comment I have ever heard was from the policeman who basically told me it was my wifely duty to have sex with my husband weather I wanted to or not and that marital rape never has existed or never will. What a Crock! 0:)

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When I first told my theripist about the "possible" CSA at the time, he looked up from his notes and asked :

"Do you believe in reincarnation?"

yeah, like my flashbacks were from a pastlife. Thankyou, I have enough to deal with in the present one not to have another life added on. *sighs* It really threw me off for awhile,and then I got a new T.

Crystal Anne

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(((sweetness)))

Can't believe it, that is exactly what I was asked, first guy I actually attempted to tell about the rape asked if "I was at least attracted to him a little bit."  

In his defense he apologized almost immediatley after saying it knowing how terrible it was.  But I was still quite shocked.

Oh and my dad, he once asked "Can we get past all this hatred?"  I can't even comment on that one.

-Kolee

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Where to start?

- My Mother telling me "If you don't figure out why he picked you, you'll just keep getting victimized". And, the ever popular "Aren't you over it yet?"

-A therapist I went to for problems with depression "Oh, your problem is that you don't trust men enough. You just need more boyfriends..." Um, I guess she missed the whole abusive family thing... I never went back!

-A friend "You can never go home again after a parent hits you..." I'd been going home for seven years since my mother had done the punching thing cause I couldn't leave.

-Another 'friend' "If you let it get to you, then he's won" Well, gee, I'll just have to suck it up!

I take a stickfighting class, and so help me, I have so many *inspirations* I want to practice on!!!!!

Caitlin

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When I first told my boyfriend what happened (he was the first and one of a very few people I've told), his response was, "You could've been killed. You were lucky."

The last person I told (a girl friend of my boyfriend's) said the exact same thing.

Now I know things could have been worse and I am by no means ungrateful to be alive, but "lucky" is hardly the word I'd use to describe how I feel. Hurt and isolated from any feeling of understanding between me and these people is more like it.

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I think that the stupidest thing that I have heard so far would have to be what a normally very supportive friend said to me this morning.   You have to be the bigger person and forgive them because they didn't know it was wrong.  Excuse me?    WTF?  They didn't know it was wrong?  Keep dreaming.      :angry:    Some people just shouldn't be allowed to speak.

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This wasn't a comment that was made towards me directly... but it sure did piss me off.

I overheard one of my male classmates talking to one of his friends.  He said, "I saved a woman from getting raped today!"  and the person he was talking to said, "what happened?"  And he said, "I stopped chasing her!"  and they both thought it was like the funniest thing in the world! WTF???  That was one of the most callous comments I've ever heard. I totally agree with indigo... there are just some people that shouldn't be allowed to talk!!!!

-Stefanie

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i told my friend after it happened, and her response was

-well thats not like him maybe he was really messed up.  seriously just forget about it and get over it, i mean my boyfriend cheated on me what do i do about that!

WTF!  since when is cheating worst! :angry:  who seriously says that!!!

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My dad tends to say, "Stuff a sock in it!" to people who say really annoying, dumbass things around him. I now have the lovely mental image of all the fuckwits quoted here, with startled expressions and sweaty, dirty gym socks hanging out of their mouths!!

:P  :P  :P

Any other ideas?

Caitlin

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One of the stupidest things said to me was if someone is trying to rape you, just "lie back and enoy it"!!!!

Obviously this was said by a total loser who didn't have a clue.

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Hmmmmm, my quote for the day would have to be:

"He only did it because he loves you" :oo:

And runners up goes to:

"Well, if you think about it, it was really your fault for looking at him".  :angry:

Right...and they wonder why I have issues...

Some people use the word "love" so loosely

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My close friend recently asked me this annoying question -

How come I can have compassion and understanding when you are having a physical problems (when I had breast cancer) but it is hard for me when you are facing 'mental' problems? ???????? :P

Debbles :bee:

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