Jes

Top 10 Stupidest Comments

887 posts in this topic

((Fluxus))

What a frickin' moron!!! I am still trying to work out exactly what he meant by that, but any which way you look at it he needs to buy a new life.

Welcome to the board!

Take care
Em
xox

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Add this special tidbit to the fuckwit mix:

"Rape is terrible, but in the end, it's up to you to defend yourself."

Uh...excuse me?  So because I wasn't able to get away it's my fault for being raped?  Well it all becomes clear to me now!  What on earth was I whineing about?  Thank you for your wisdom oh intelligent one.

"There are those who will take advantage of the drunken ones and influence their decision, but ultimately, YOU GOT YOURSELF THERE, I don't care if someone slipped something into your drink; the slipper did not force you to continue drinking your beverage or whatever the case may be. I'm sure there are those instances where you may be forced into doing it from some threat or whatever, but ultimately: You got yourself there. Period. You chose to go, you chose to hang out with those people, you chose to form the opinion of those people, you chose to trust them."

And they betrayed that trust didn't they?  And exactly what opinion did I form?  Oh my gosh did I forget to take the "please rape me, I'm easy!" sticker off my shirt when I went out?  Stupid me.  I'll have to be more careful who I trust next time, won't I?  Stupid halfwit. ::snort::

But hey, I'll just take up knitting, order me some chinese food and wear a paper bag over my head so my long hair won't show and nobody will bother me, right?

Utter, utter morons.  

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First one: "It doesn't count because he's your boyfriend. It's just what happens when you don't give out. They have rights too you know."

and

"It couldn't have been THAT bad....she was only a woman after all. How much could a woman have done to you?"

the second one was from my school counsellor when i started shaking and disappearing in one of our sessions. She also told me that I couldn't apply for special consideration to get into uni because "I haven't suffered any major trauma, only mild incidents." Mild incidents my arse. luckily i got in without it...but seriously, fuck her.

and this one really freaked me out once...we were discussing this sexual abuse case between a teacher and student that was in the news for AGES here, in legal studies at school last year. One of my classmates said that he didn't think the case qualified as sexual abuse because it seemed the the teacher and the student were actually in love...that it was a real 'lolita' situation. he said that if you go back to your abuser again and again then it's not really abuse...and my teacher (a hardcore feminist - you'd think she'd know better) said that she agreed with him on his opinion that the two loved each other and therefore it wasn't abuse. For fuck's sake. I could have thrown up then and there. She was a schoolgirl. He was a teacher. She was like 13 or something. He was about 40. He had sex with her. 20 years later she confronted him about his abuse. Obviously it was.

Sometimes people are so thick it almost makes me laugh.

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This isn't something stupid that was said to me, I just thought about it when I saw kitsa's reply about the teacher and student...

I grew up way out in the sticks... Our school district was the largest district in the state area wise, but one of the smaller one's student population wise (there were about 80 in my graduating class and only around 300 in the whole school - freshman through senior yrs)...

Anyway... Teacher student relationships ran rampant (am I saying that right?) in my opinion... In one summer there were three girls that got married to teachers as soon as they graduated... All the teachers and students were at the same school (mine) and Not one teacher was less than 33 yrs old... No one questioned what was going on - it was just accepted... One of the relationships was between the school health nurse's daughter and a 38 yr old teacher (they had been dating since she was a sophmore)...  NONE of them were pregnant however...

In the village i grew up in (population 389 I believe - once we became incorporated that is), there were two divorces bec of fathers wanting to marry the babysitter in about a two yr span of time... One "couple" I knew (bec. she babysat me)... She was in high school and they hired her to babysit... Within about a year he was divorced and he and the babysitter were "dating" (in secret, although you don't keep secrets like that in small towns - she was about 15 maybe - it happened like 25 yrs ago and I don't live there anymore)... They got married when she was 18...

Mouseisa

P.S. The kicker in the story with the babysitter i knew?  His wife lost the kids bec he was married and according to the court system that meant he could provide a more stable environment...

They're still together and their newest business?  They own and run a day care center...


(Edited by mouseisa at 7:45 am on July 19, 2002)

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Grey,
I understand where your coming from.  It's like if you do something drastic in front of someone (like say, escape from a locked metal box while blindfolded with your hands tied behind your back or something equally Houdini-like), and the person just shrugs and walks away.  An ex-boyfriend did that once, and he was a little self-centered, but not everyone is.  The person you told might just not have known how to deal with it.  
But explainations aside, it still makes one feel a little unnoticed....
Hugs to you, if it's OK...:)

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((grey))

God it's really shit when you get NO response whatsoever, 'specailly when it probably took a #### of a lot of courage for you to email her in the first place. Certainly a lot more courage than she had to say absolutely nothing, no matter how sympathetic you can be to why she didn't. Sorry you had to deal with that ((hugs)) - I've been in similar circumstances myself. Not a nice thing to contend with, I know.

Take care, luv Lea. :)

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This one is pretty good (aaahhhmm bad).  I did an article in the news paper saying I was a survivor...going to the Rainn Run and to educate people.  Well 2 days ago a co-worker (male and yes thinks he knows everything, even how all survivors are treated...btw he believes all the myths) said that he meant to ask that since I was "out" and did the thing in the paper was I going to take "him" to court.  To my disbelieve he started going off about it....yo dude my choice, too long ago and no proof...it's only my word against his and I like breathing!!!  We work at a radio station you can tell who's working from a 100 miles away.  He went off about how the cops would save me...it would take a cop 24 hours per day with to get that if I 'took him to court' and then who's going to save my dogs when I'm not home...aaron hates dogs and knows it would get to me fastest to hurt them.  Then my coworker jack ass (his name is jack too so fitting) started to try to guilt me into doing something that could cost me my life at the very least ruin it.  Craziest thing is and I shoulda told him he was acting just like aaron had the habbit of after he raped me....but my position at that job is shaky at the moment so I didn't do co worker/rapist act a like comments.

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yuck how horrible...hope he's behaving himself better now hon.  ((((BIG HUGS))))

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my best friend, when I first told him said, "that guy's an #######."  I laughed when he said that, just b/c it seemed like a "duh" comment to me.

The worst comment I've ever gotten was when my friend asked, "why can't you just be over it already??? it's not like anything's going wrong NOW.  that other guy hurt you, like, what, five years ago???"  (this happened to be when my dad was in the hospital, my mom wasn't doing very well, and I was freaking out after one of my guy friends picked me up without giving me any warning he was going to do so.)

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These ridiculous comments almost wish I've not had so many supportive people around me.  Not quite though ;)  Do people ever listen to themselves?  

I crochet, and let me tell you, it solves the world's problems.  If we'd just get the whole Pandy's family crocheting, not only would we all be perfectly healed, but with a little Chinese cooking, we just might also achieve world peace!  

I love this thread, in a morbid sort of way...

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The absolute worst for me came from my own dad. I had just gotten out of the hospital and I said I didnt ever want to see my grandfather again because of what he did to me. My father's response:
"He's your FAMILY, you need to just forgive him. And if you don't ever talk to him again, I'm going to make you quit going to your therapist because he obviously is making this a bigger deal than it is."
Thanks dad, I love you too.

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An ex-girlfriend of mine, upon learning that I'd been raped: "Is that why you're a lesbian?"
Yes, that's it.  I really was born liking men, but after that, I was just so afraid that I started liking women.  Never mind that I liked women BEFORE that.  Never mind that I was also raped and abused by a WOMAN.  Wouldn't that make me asexual, then?

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No rosponse is the worst, my ex friend just showed no respnse and went and changed the cd that was on when i told her, then she told me it was just sex and why didnt i kick him in the balls, and that she wouldnt let a guy rape her

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that's horrid!

o.O

i've never really let anyone know, so i never had any real comments made.

but the thing that hurt me the most, was my mum saying i should forget bout it, and that i need a lot of mental help, and on and on.  that hurt. and then how she pretty much treated me as tho it was no big deal and ignored me if i was down and stuff

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(((( raqueli ))))

or maybe knitting.  I'm got at that!  :)  not so good at crochet.  :(

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The stupidest comment I ever heard was from some dickhead who was trying to get into my pants about three months after the incident. He had been a casual aquaintance for a while and got along well with my dad, so I assumed he was a decent person! After we were talking for a while, I told him very basically about the incident. His first response "You can't tell ME no one would have been around at 5pm in the afternoon" - Okay! Forgot *you* were the one it happened to, not me. Surely YOU'D know the details better than I would! WTF was I thinking. Then he asked if I'd had sex since then. I told him no, and he's like "Oh, we better do something about that, you don't wanna go cold or anything"... Sensitive much? I didn't talk to him again.

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Oh, rhiannon...That one blows goats...((((((((hugs))))))))...
Like we don't say that to ourselves enough...
Here's to finding more THINKING people in the world...
Love, Heather.

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The stupidest comment I ever got was from a local "counselling and support" center:  I called and asked for help.  I asked if they had any groups for male survivors, and was told "of course"... and promptly given an appointment.  I arrived at the group, and sat down, and was introduced... there were quite a few men there besides myself... I thought maybe I wasn't so alone out here... then the moderator asked me if I had been arrested or if I had "come of my own accord"...  
I asked "arrested for what?"... the moderator said "Child ab*se, mol*station, r*pe...", and I replied that I didn't realize that being abused was something you got arrested for.  The moderator then told me "males are the perps and females are the victims."  I am male: the group was for perps!

I hear all the time that males are not really victims of abuse.  It's as ignorant as saying a female "asked for it." Unfortunately it's gender blind.

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My god, SilentFlight. What an AWFUL experience! Grrrr at that Centre, I can't believe that they did that. :angry:


I have another stupid comment, don't think I've ever posted it here.

I recently told a new friend about what happened to me. I really respect him for his religious beliefs - I think his attitude toward life is one of the things that I enjoy most about him - but the way he applied that towards my revelation was truly disgusting.

He told me that maybe being raped was my karma - that it was my punishment because I had been a rapist in my last life, and what goes around comes around.

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((((SilentFlight)))), ((((Anna))))

Those are both totally obscene responses.  I can't even believe someone could say such things.  SilentFlight, I can't imagine going to a place you expect to find support and healing and instead, you're faced with people who started such pain.  And then, by the one supposed to be providing the support, your pain is minimized into non-existence!  How terribly wrong.

And Anna, wtf with your friend's comment?  Even if he whole-heartedly believes in karma, and that it's that simple (which seems sketchy to me, although my religious beliefs are very different), you'd think he would at least have had the sense to keep it to himself.  What purpose does that comment serve?

hugs to you both,
raqueli

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This is more of a dumb thing to do instead of a dumb thing to say,
  I was at my brothers house spending the night and we were watching tv when his gf came and knew that I had been r*ped a couple days ago. I saw that she had a game of monopoly in her hands and when she was in the kitchen and I asked my brother why she had brought the game and he said,"she wanted to play it with you"(I am 12 she is 20) Then I screamed at him(and her) "WELL WHY DIDNT SHE BRING ALONG SOME BARBIE DOLLS AS WELL!"

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I've been reading this thread for a while, thinking how fortunate I have been that nobody has made stupid comments at me. But I realized that the one stupid comment came from my father, when I confronted him about what he had done to me all those years ago:

"You mean, you and I -- we had a thing together?"

Not exactly. Not even close.

Barbara

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