Jes

Top 10 Stupidest Comments

887 posts in this topic

"yeah I know it happened, but it happened 2 years ago,"

"can't you just get over it?"

"you were only raped by one guy, it's not that bad"

"just get over it, stop letting it effect you."

These were all from my "friends"

But it feels good to get them out :)

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After talking to a friend and telling her that I just wanted to forget the whole thing, she reminded me that it was an excellent learning opportunity so I should try to take something away from it so it doesn't happen again. Needless to say, I haven't tried talking to anyone about it since. At least she didn't suggest anything about knitting or Chinese food though....

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I was also told by someone on the PostSecret app that I just shouldn't drink so much next time. Clearly that is the solution. Because sober people never get raped. It's my fault for being drunk. Idiot.

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These comments are SO MADDENING!!! UGGHHHHH! They are so infuriating!!!

I am sooo sorry that all of you got unsupportive, wrong, untrue comments!!

Take gentle care,

Camellia

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Got a great one off my mother (I rang her and told her even though we have no relationship anymore *non situation related*) she came over and all it was: Capitals are the thoughts running through my head.

You know my opinion of him, why were you even hanging out with him? (screaming in my head: BECAUSE HE WAS MY FRIEND! AND I DIDN'T PLAN FOR HIM TO GO OUT AND ATTACK ME!)

Why didn't you push him off? (BECAUSE I'VE BEEN WEAK FROM MY BLEEDING CONDITION AND I HAD BEEN DRINKING, AGAIN, I DIDN'T EXACTLY PLAN IT!)

Where was P****? *my partner* (AT HOME, BECAUSE WE'RE NOT JOINED AT THE HIP)...maybe if he went with you, it wouldn't have happened.

You know we need to talk about the family situation a little more than we need to talk about this. At least ring on Christmas Eve because the whole family will be there, and say sorry to everyone, you've hurt a lot of people. Your grandparents are wondering if they'll die before you ever get in touch. (MY RAPIST COULD HAVE KILLED ME Y'KNOW. SO ME DOING SOME CLEANING IN YOUR HOUSE AND ALSO BEING SUICIDAL IN THE PAST IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN BEING RAPED ON FRIDAY?)

Got a good one from my father-in-law on the way back from the video statement, and these include my answers that I said out loud.

P''l *brother in law* isn't happy that you've put it on facebook. (It's my body and my choice to talk about it, I shouldn't be made to feel ashamed for something I didn't do.) Also a lot of evidence from witnesses has come via my facebook inboxes...almost 60 pages of evidence.

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"You've got to put it behind you."

"Can't you have sex yet???"

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The first friend I told about my experience to was kind of insensitive about it when I tried talking about why it seemed really, off.. I said "I'm not really sure if it was consensual.. he was being really pushy about it" and he just said "it's not rape if you don't say no". I told him I did say no, twice, and he just told me to take it as a learning experience. I wasn't even saying it was rape, and it still feels like too strong of a word for what happened. It was technically the same day it happened. It's not the worst things anyone has said, but I have only told a couple people about it (two were in a class with me that even had a unit on SA and rape, and another had nearly the same thing happen to her). So it's really only that friend who has issues about it, he won't even let me talk about it.

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My mu found out against my will about my being abused by my brother. I didn't want to give her details, but she insisted.

Mum: As your mother, I think I have a right to know exactly what happened to you.

Me: All right: oral sex, mutual masturbation, and genital contact.

Mum: At least there wasn't any penetration. And are you sure you know what those terms mean? I'm not sure you know what you're talking about, and the "abuse" couldn't have been that bad.

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How about.. "I've been finding it hard to have sex with you since you told me" from my boyfriend, a few weeks after telling him about CSA.

Jerk.

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The first therapist I saw, ten mintues after meeting me --

"You should lose your virginity. You act and talk very much like a child. Starting to have sex will allow you to finally grow up. Do you have a boyfriend?"

"No."

"Do you have a male friend you'd be willing to do it with?"

At this point I left. I cried all the way home and didn't seek help again for two years.

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Your therapist sounds utterly horrible sarahsdelicacy!

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"It's a New Year, you should wipe the slate clean and start over!" WTF, why didn't I think of that sooner? gaah.gif

Edited by jdam

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I was reading a comment about the Anti-Rape Condom a female doctor in South Africa has developed, and one of the comments said that women put themselves in "rapeable" situations. What a freaking moron. http://www.pandys.org/forums/public/style_emoticons/#EMO_DIR#/mad.gif

Icam. I did not suggest that my cousin bring "the psycho" to my house. Her dumb@** thought that "brillant" idea up herself. As for W, I was only a kid I didn't know that when he wanted to talk to me that he was planning to **** me.

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Read this moments ago on another support page

""Bad men are spiritual graces sent in disguise to teach us, through torment, to love ourselves." ~ Sarah Ban Breathnach

stupid peoples I think they are just as sick as people who *R****I loved myself BEFORE IT HAPPENED

God I want to punch the person who came up with this and the person who posted it.

Edited by gingin

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double post sorry

Edited by gingin

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"You need to admit that you could have left any time you wanted." - Uhm...no, and NO.

"What you need is to let go of your anger and move towards gratitude! You should be grateful to these abusers for giving you the chance to heal." - I'd be even more grateful if they hadn't given me anything to heal from in the first place.

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"No one just gets raped, if you got raped, you asked for it." the man who replaced me as vice president of our student pagan association (later he was told to step down after threatening physical harm to one of our members) stated this a lot.

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I have to admit I am completely blown away by some of these comments. I cannot believe people have said these things to survivors, it's completely disgusting.

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A month or so after I was raped, at a follow up appointment at my GP surgery

GP - cheer up, it's not the end of the world.

GP - it's been a month now, you need to move on with your life.

GP - why are you even here? what do you expect to get out of coming here? (bearing in mind my GP had asked me to come back for this appointment)

GP - you need to report it to the police, then you will feel better again. how would you feel if another girl gets raped by him?

Seriously wish I had put in a complaint about her. You'd think GPs would be better trained to respond to things like this but apparently not.

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Oy.. So many ignorant hatefull people!!!

From a socalled friend/coworker.. when I said that having to go and have STD testing done following the rape was emotional : ex-friend: "Quit being a baby, You're being overly dramatic. All women have to go to the gyno, and you comparing it to rape is offensive."

My so called victims advocate pulled the " I'm sure you'll be more careful in the future" line on me.. As if I was raped because I wasn't careful :P.....

My relationship with my mother is strained.. I had my cousin tell her I was raped and wanted to be left alone.. First thing my mother does is show up crying telling me HER feelings were hurt that I didn't tell h er about the rape...

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Top 10 stupidest comments of my acquaintance sexual assault 4 years ago:

-perpetrator/boss/mentor: initial stages was extremely apologetic, later stating "I think it's brought us closer together" finally threatening that nobody would believe me "never happened".

-lead agent representing me to ensure there were no negative impacts to me at work after discovering I would be moving back to my home city where I purchased a condo: "Did he pay for your condo?"

ALSO when advising me when I responded to the investigator that the perp 'raped' me she said "you don't want to make that sort of accusation, don't use that word"

-Person responsible for deciding the work impact: "Well if he didn't have sex with you I won't fire him"

ALSO indicated in the future to use mediation and counseling services offered through employer to work through issues before they escalate. (guess that's what I should have been thinking about when perp forced himself on me 'oh better call a mediator to avoid the CEO having to hear about my 'personal issues')

-confide in my friends that I was having a tough time so I would be taking a few weeks off work (to avoid triggers around anniversary) friend responds: "how can just take time off like that for no reason?"

-old friend: "if he raped you why didn't you press charges?", "why did you let him in your apartment"

-man I'm foolish to love but insane to think he ever has: "Get your act together", "again with the whoa is me, it's such a turn off", "quit being so dramatic", "you should have thought about that before it happened", "you should have known, I told you he was a creepy guy", "you deserve everything that happened to you", "it's what you do, you fuck guys", "fuck off you were horny, you hung out with the guy you fucked him", "give me a break I've been there I've run the gambit of woman and how they react if they're not into it...I'm not stupid, you wanted it, it's ok", "get over it!", "how can I be with someone who tells me they can't say no", "you cheated on me, how can I trust you"

Edited to add: "just sounds like a convenient excuse to fuck guys/have a one night stand"

Edited by Why_Not

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-My ex fiance told me, "it doesn't matter what you wear, I will make you a women in one night" ( i was 19) well in that case i was a women at 6...

-My mom, after my first CSA when i was 5 "that's how dad's show their love to their daughters.." all the time I kept wondering why my dad didn't love me.

-My cousin sis. when I told her another cousin brother of ours tries to touch me down there, her response, " so, he was a teenager, teenage boys get curious you know?"

-My ex boyfriend, before raping me a**l " I slept with a prostitute so that i can do it right on you"

-My aunt. "why didn't you confort your mom 2 years ago when your dad was around, now she is alone and suffering alone." Like hello aunt, I was abused when I was 6 years, old and no one listened..

-A school friend on Fb ( i dont put my pic. on profile, messages me.. " are you still fat like you were in school" my response " Yes i ate so i could stay away from the monsters who raped me".. His response " lol, you are funny." My response, " I was raped when i was 6, NOT FUNNY". of course he is in my block lists now..

I am so overwhelmed how people think that it is funny and try to minimize it like some one stole your candy and its no big deal. I read about people everyday here. WE DONT DESERVE TO BE TREATED LIKE THIS, we are not candies, WE ARE LIVING BREATHING HUMAN BEINGS, WHO DESERVE BETTER.

safe ((( hugs))) to everyone who is okay with it.

Tara 101

A survivor, learning to survive.

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From my first boyfriend when I told him about my cousin: "Kids do that; sometimes they experiment."

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The defense attorney at court: she herself didn't up up much fight, only saying stop once, and not retaliating

It's perfectly normal to think it was consensual if he got up and showered afterwards.

Um have you ever been raped? Its the most terrifying thing to ever happen to a person when youve entrusted this person with your life like a brother, you paralyzed (not always) Have you ever had consensual sex with a woman? Who showers immediately after having sex?

A friend when I told her he had gotten a year in jail etc.: wow. Wow what? Nothing. No what? Oh I'm just shocked I didn't expect he'd get anything.

Thanks for all the love and support???? What the heck? Wanna just call me a liar and a skank like we all know your thinking?

Only had two stupidest comments so far but they stung.

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From my ex boyfriend... About two weeks before our first sex (and my first sex, not including abuse), I send him a SMS that I was sexually abused as a child by my older brother. When we saw each other next day, I didn't tell him details, just that a few people knew about that and that my brother also was a drug dealer.

First he said: Don't tell that to anyone.

Me: But I just told you that I had said that to my best friends.

Him: Well, I mean, don't tell anyone that he is a drug dealer. He is your brother.

After having sex with him, he asked me with whom I had slept before him!?!?! I was confused and said: "Nobody". He said: "You are lying".

This one is the reason I left him. We were in bed, having sex, and he told me a joke. I don't remember the whole joke, but I do remember this part: "That five year old girl is bad in bed. She is f******g like she is two". (Abuse begun when I was five, but he didn't know that)

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