Pavitra Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 (edited) My youth director said that I shouldn't break off contanct with him, and was talking about how I should consider forgiving him for what he did. He then told me that the bible says to "Honor thy father" for a reason. What... so that they can take control over and advantage of their children??? Oh, NO no NO no no! He has it completely wrong! Honoring does NOT mean we have to have an abuser in our lives! I hate it when someone uses this commandment to guilt a person over their divorcing a parent. They always neglect to mention there are several passages in the Bible that say fathers (parents) are NOT to provoke or upset their children in any way lest they be disheartened. They have the greater burden of upholding their end of the relationship as it is given they are the ADULTS. We are also SUPPOSED to shun someone who refuses to repent. Not anywhere in the Bible does it say there's an exception for family members. You were a defenseless child, your father failed to protect you and perpetrated pure evil on you because you were simply there. Why would your pastor ignore this and make YOU the criminal for doing the right thing?! Not only that but honoring one's mother and father is a commandment that may unconditionally be broken the instant a parent demands a child do something that defies God's laws. Essentially if they make you choose between them and God, God should always win. Christ made it pretty darn clear that anyone who leads a child to sin would be better off tossed into the sea with a millstone tied about their neck. I left the church, but kept in contact with some of my friends there. That is until one of them said that "God has a plan for all of us. There must be a reason for everything." Why does my plan have to include SA? Sigh... I suppose only someone who really doesn't get it could say that. The ONLY reason I can see for the CSA, abuse and rape that I went through is the perpetrators were evil and defiling God's gift of free will. Oh and last but not least, forgiving is reserved for the repentant. God doesn't forgive someone who refuses to acknowledge that they did wrong and we're not called to do more. If God was all-forgiving, then why do we have a Hell and why are we certain evil people end up there? I'm really sorry for your experiences. Edited January 4, 2007 by itwas1983 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lehcarias Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 ((((((((((((itwas1983))))))))))) If alright with you. The things people say never fail to make me a) roll my eyes or b) shake my head in disgust. I'm glad you didn't believe what they said to you. leh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
girl_interuppted13 Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 Well I'm a big fan of the whole "EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON" i must admit that at one point i did believe that too but there's is no "reason" for what happened or i haven't found it yet lol and then there's always the "LETS JUST FORGET ABOUT IT FOR TODAY" yeah if it was that easy believe me I WOULD!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angel03 Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 stupid comments said to me (except one): "you could never have sex with a man" said by my perp "be quiet" "ugh" or "stop it" (among others) said by my mom whenever i get upset about SA on tv (and she has no idea what happened to me as an adult) "beyond repair" some woman on dateline during the 'to catch a predator' segment. no one said it to me, but i saw it on a post someone made about it, it definitely is a stupid, awful comment about SA "oh" and walking away... what my mom did after i told her what happened to me that day (I was 6). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Acosmiccastaway Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 I've never really said this before , except to my girlfriend, and once in awhile to my mother(she's very supportive, im just emmbaressed to talk with her, or anyone for that matter) i've heard before in passing, not so much directed towards me, but when other's are talking about, asian's, and *Trigger* r*pe/r*pe fantasy *Trigger*, people have said something derogitory and streiotypical something to the effect of "well most asian women, are shy and submissive" no matter what type of sexual practice, or orientation they are, the common beliefe being they are all submissive, even to the point of assualt. the above post is nothing exact, just a general thing i've heard, more then once. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwendolyn Posted March 8, 2007 Share Posted March 8, 2007 "Just BE happy. You can do it. Just STOP crying. Go on, be happy." This was a stupid series of comments for obvious reasons, but for me it was so devastating because they came from my very best friend, and I knew he was just trying to help and encourage me, to will happiness into me. Also, at that moment I decided that nobody would ever understand me and I should just shut up, and I actually stopped talking for several weeks. I think this was a setback in my recovery. I am no longer friends with this man, and the most horrible part is that it was HIS choice because he said that I was "no fun" to be around and "always thought of myself" and he completely denied the ten years of our friendship when I was not like that, and most excruciating he said: "You have always been this way" a year later...the day he decided (to tell me) I was not worth being around. And his fiance, who I think was the real destroyer of our friendship because she was threatened by me (even though I am married to a guy in our group of friends) randomly took me aside and told me that she "can't go to the gynecologist alone" (without her fiance) because she "feels like she's being raped." This woman does not have history of sexual abuse and KNOWS that I have been raped. And if, for some reason, she does have a history that she has never divulged to me, she still should know how that would effect me...know even more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~*Jenny*~ Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 From my abusive ex bf i had "well serves you right for being so sutty then" (yeah i really planned to be slutty at 7 years old, meh!) His reasons for hitting me and abusing me and well yeah all the rest of it were that i was used to it, and ideserved it becase id made him mad and i would just get on his nerves... So walking away and punching the punch bag i bought him never crossed his mind!!!! GRRR Ive also had the "cant you just forget about it" or even "oh i that it?" and of course the "maybe it was just miscommunication?" these things just make me mad, as if its not hard enough to get through something like this, let alone have to face remarks like this!!!!! (((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))) to all!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
treshold Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 One of the most horrible things i have heard was from one of my favourite shows, ER. I can stand it when something horrible is said, but the show shows that they know its horrible, but this was done as if they truly believed it. *trigger* so the storyline was that police gunned down the kidnapper of a little girl, only the girl got a bullet too cause she was right there. Turns out she'd been abused a lot in 'that' way while being kidnapped. Ok, harsh, but at least i understand whats going on. Stuff turns bad in the ER and shes coding. Doctor starts resusitation, the normal thing to do in the circumstances. Then another doctor tells first doctor to stop, that the girl had been through enough abuse and that trying to bring her back was abusing her. Its sort of the whole 'let them finally be at peace' thing that crops up every now and again in shows. Am i the only person who is seriously freaked out by that 'let them die' mentality? Like if something bad happens to you, your so damaged that you shouldn't live. I don't get it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Madraykin Posted March 27, 2007 Share Posted March 27, 2007 not really a commet but a reaction.... I told my ex boyfriend when we were drunk. I only talk about it when I'm drunk, all my friends I've told were drunk too and they remeber and are supportive...I told him and cried and he cried too The next day he'd forgotten all about it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ayanna Posted March 27, 2007 Share Posted March 27, 2007 I have hardly told anyone, but still have a couple of responses worth adding. From my GP, after telling her of the psychological problems I was having after a nasty incident involving my (now ex) boyfriend, and having on a prior visit been told (by her of course) that counselling was available at the surgery: What do you want me to do about it? And - from the ex mentioned above, who either caused or exacerbated the psychological problems I am now experiencing- You can talk to me about your problems, I'm always here for you. My response, because I was at home and I think my family may have been around, and I was too tired to get in a fight right then, was something polite, I don't remember just what. But what I wanted to say to that particular comment was this: You're the b*****d who CAUSED the problem, why the F*** would I want to talk to you??? Would have been more appropriate, I think... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brokenhalos6 Posted March 27, 2007 Share Posted March 27, 2007 From my marriage counselor "You feel like you have been raped."....oh i just feel like it huh? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckylilley Posted March 29, 2007 Share Posted March 29, 2007 coming from a guy who had just done a whole seminar on abuse and how to go about healing, he said the biggest thing was opening up and telling someone, I went up after and told him and his response was.... "Yea thats just part of being a girl" wth is that about? so much for healing I mean if thats just part of being a girl than I should have anything to heal from I mean thats life right? ugh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
therealjws55 Posted April 19, 2007 Share Posted April 19, 2007 One of my friends said to me "Eh, personal problem" the first time I told him about it. That was...idk...not exactly what I wanted to hear..... And then someone else once asked me, when I told them about it, "Oh, well...what did you do?" What did I do? That made me think that I deserved it or something. Like I did something to want it or cause it? I don't care what you do, you can never deserve something like this... Ugh...sometimes people irritate the piss outta me...wtf is going on in their head.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
miire Posted April 29, 2007 Share Posted April 29, 2007 1. Snap out of it 2. Get over it 3. Don't sit on a pity-pot 4. Don't you think you are hypocondriac? 5. If you had a knife you would have killed him before letting him rape you 6. It's not so bad 7. Rise to the occasion 8. Think of those who are in worse situations than you (I absolutely HATE THIS ONE) 9. Stop thinking about it. 10. Stop talking about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clairebrf Posted May 3, 2007 Share Posted May 3, 2007 When my dad said, "You aren't still going on about that are you?" and "We talked about this and it is done and over with." and "You need to move on." fucker Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clairebrf Posted May 3, 2007 Share Posted May 3, 2007 I thought of another one. But this is touchy because people really don't know what to say. "I just don't know how you got through this." or "I just don't know how you are able to handle/cope with this." It is like they are saying it is over an done with. But the action may be done, but the damage is still trying to be controlled. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slinky_chix Posted May 3, 2007 Share Posted May 3, 2007 My last T told me that if I changed my sexual orientation (he hated my g/f's) and learned to be hetero (with him) he would reduce my meds and I'd feel better... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubby Posted May 3, 2007 Share Posted May 3, 2007 I read this thread and am astounded at some of the shit that people have felt it was necessary, or even appropriate, to say. I am so sorry for all of you who have had such horrible experiences in the aftermath of something which was already so horrible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blondie2002 Posted May 3, 2007 Share Posted May 3, 2007 I never had a problem with my T, because she never judged me in any way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
halo Posted May 7, 2007 Share Posted May 7, 2007 "I noticed that you like to play the rape card a lot" after I mentioned to a friend that he stopped speaking to me shortly after I was raped. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danusia007 Posted May 7, 2007 Share Posted May 7, 2007 from a crisis line worker when I tried to describe an assault cool your gonads ! wtf ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danusia007 Posted May 7, 2007 Share Posted May 7, 2007 from counsellor of the day when I was talking about a partner pressuring me into sex I was told to tell the person don't rev the engine, if you don't want to drive the car wtf !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the assaults continued Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sadie Posted May 12, 2007 Share Posted May 12, 2007 1. Snap out of it2. Get over it 3. Don't sit on a pity-pot 4. Don't you think you are hypocondriac? 5. If you had a knife you would have killed him before letting him rape you 6. It's not so bad 7. Rise to the occasion 8. Think of those who are in worse situations than you (I absolutely HATE THIS ONE) 9. Stop thinking about it. 10. Stop talking about it. I hate number 8 too!!!! How on EARTH does it help? Why would anyone say something so awful?! I'm so with you on all of those points, they're said so commonly IME and they're so awful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ayanna Posted May 17, 2007 Share Posted May 17, 2007 I had what was probably an early miscarriage in october 2004, my now ex boyfriend (who happens to be my main perp) knew my period was late but because of a death in his family a couple of weeks earlier, I didn't say I thought it was a miscarriage, just that I wasn't pregnant. When I finally did try to tell him, because I needed some support, I tried to do so gently by saying that I had never quite been able to convince myself that I hadn't been pregnant that time, and do you want to know what he said (this was last April, 18 months later)..? "I hope you don't still think you're pregnant now, do you?" (Or something very similar) What the ****??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danusia007 Posted May 18, 2007 Share Posted May 18, 2007 While trying to describe an assault to a crisis line counsellor: You're the best...... You're lucky CONFUSED !!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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