Top 10 Stupidest Comments

[silverknitter]

Here are my faves

1. We think about that which we need to know (huh? I dont even know what that means!)

2. Give it over to God. He wouldnt let one of his creatures suffer (excuse me???)

3. Well, at least you can't really see the scars from anything (that makes me feel better)

4. Just let roll off of you,like water from a duck's back (Of course..that makes perfect sense, maybe I can grow wings too!)

5. Did you like it? (oh yes sign me up for humiliation and years of low self-esteem)

6. So this made you queer right? (nope, I'm just queer. sigh)

7. Well that explains why your so f@cked up

8. I dont think all that bad stuff could happen to one person...maybe the assault, maybe the beatings, but not all of it...maybe you're lying about one of them (WTF?)

9. So you'll never be normal now (just what is normal anways, a town in Illinois?)

10. Well,dont tell anyone its embarrassing. (embarrassing? thats it?)

I could go on, but you get the idea

[sheblynn]

i have posted on this before but i remeber some that made me feel just awful about myself was that

you dress a certain way

you are so pretty that someone couldnot help himself

i felt terrible i remeber i cut myself a few times and burned some of my hair because i thought if i mad myself unattractive then he wouldnot be after me

[emach12]

One of the most distastfull comments that I ever heard, was from a member of my band who's day-job is a prosecuting attorneyin the State of Connecticut;

He was commenting on reading one of our singers internet blog, she had divulged in her blog that she was raped twice in her life...

He said that 'there is something about woman whom say they are raped twice, they love to play the victim'

He chastised her for putting herself in that position...

And that, is coming from an ADA....

I quit the band shortly after.

The guy is an ass....

[Athel]

A friend about my rapist. "Wow, you're so lucky to have someone who fancies you that much."

I musn't have explained properly, either that or she has a wierd idea of what lucky is.

[Emyoy]

I continued seeing the therapist my controlling ex-girlfriend and I had been seeing together.

She talked with my "higher self" and told me: "Well, it makes a lot of sense that you're feeling so guilty about leaving her. You were partners with her in 5 or 6 of your former lives, and you left her in all those lives for no good reason."

Needless to say, I never went back. I seriously believe that bad therapists should have their own circle in hell.

[dannyboy]

Most of the odd comments I've gotten, I never think of as strange at the time. It usually takes quite a while before i think back on it as being something that might shock me if I heard it said to another.

From a former girlfriend after explaining things to her:

"I sure can pick'em."

From another former girlfriend:

"are you trying to tell me you're gay?"

As a kid when I once mentioned how much it hurt, I was told to "sleep it off." and, of course, most commonly. "be a man about it."

[alli]

I told a mutual friend (a friend of mine and of his) what happened a couple of days after, just a quick description of what happened because I was confused and did not know what to do.

She said 2 things that stuck with me...

She said 'well I knew you had been with him' (meaning I had slept with him that night)

and that 'you had been together before'... (so I guess that overrides everything?)

needless to say I did not stick around to discuss this or anything else any further with her.

[Karly]

been reading this thread and thought I might toss a few in here

comments made about my r*pe

last night in nasty voicemail from one of the *friends* I was drinking with that night

You weren't THAT fucked up that night...and he didn't rape you...so quit dragging us into this shit

yeah..you're right dumbass..cuz YOU were there while I was drinking instead of off somewhere fucking his friend...oh yeah..and u were there too when he had me shoved up against a door and I couldn't get out...gee...thanks a lot bitch..oh and thanks for draggin ME into it...remember who was driving that night? ahem!

from my bf when I called him from the ER room the day it happened

why the hell did you get so drunk to begin with?

I dunno..maybe I was missing your sorry ass cuz u were out of town? thanks a lot for the fucking support babe...

*side note*...hes been very supportive since he came home...

And I remember my mom askin me this the day I came home from having my third child on what happened when I was a child...

Did he really do all the things u said he did...when u were 5?

nah mom...I made it all up when I was 5 years old to stir shit up...gee ma..thanks for believing me over him...and they are still together...she also apologized for staying with him...yet..still together...

gee ma..what a work of art you are..and ya wonder why I never call YOU?

yep yep yep....lots of really ignorant ppl out there

Karly

[Sassafras]

My personal favorites:

~ Friend's younger sister was raped, her sister stopped talking to her. I took her under my wing, 6 months pass, let her move in. Within a month, she had party, her drunk friend passed out on couch, I come home, lock my door, go to sleep, her drunk friend opens up door to stranger knocking in the middle of the night, passes back on couch, Sass gets raped, friend's little sister stops talking to me, blames me, calls me names, offers to talk to his D.A., makes up lies in statements, and is willing to purger herself on the stand against me. 2 things she said that I LOVE.

"You've gone nutty since this happened and I'm not the only one that thinks you've lost it. Obviously your counseling isn't working. I dealt with my rape, it took me like all of two weeks."

And...

In the statement for the judge, I quote:

"I witnessed 'Sass' giving him oral sex in the week prior to the rape. I don't believe her, she's lying. (then later in the statement) She deserved it"

NONE OF WHICH IS EVEN REMOTELY TRUE and severely affected my case.

~ Coworker and friend: raped by boyfriend years ago, found out mutual coworker/her friend raped me, and found out that I reported it.

I can't believe that she would do this TO him. I can't believe that SHE would ruin HIS life.

And in the next paragraph state how "fucked up" she still is because of her rape.

~ The guy who raped me slept with anything that moved. I knew a lot of girls/coworkers who told me they slept with him. There were two times I was out with one of the girls he was sleeping w/ and we left the bar and went to his house, watched TV, and then I went home. They would stay and do their business or not... I don't know, nor did I care. His D.A. when speaking to the judge that day in court:

"Sass is known as a pimp. She would coerce girls to come over to (assailant's) house and force them and assailant into sexual acts."

At least I'm the pimp and not the ho, right? jk

~ Friend who assailant was sleeping with for over a year at time of rape. After she finds out he raped me, I allow her to come over. She had been calling and texting him that night to booty call. Instead he chose to break into my apartment and rape me. She is very upset.

"I did this to him, now he did it to you. He always wanted me to put my hands over his throat and mouth or vice versa. Since I do it to him, he did that to you. I did this to you. I just don't understand why he doesn't like me. Why did he choose to come over here to be with you and not me? Why won't he like me, why didn't he choose me that night?"

At which point I kept comforting her the whole night. Then she turned on me and lied in statements to the judge about me and stayed with him. I won that night, right?

~ Ex-boyfriend of off and on 5 years. Within two weeks after my rape in a phone call.

"You know 'Sass', what you need to do is get out there and start "fucking". "You cant' let rape get in the way of you fucking."

Don't even get me started on this boy's ignorance.

~ Ex-boyfriend I was with when I was raped. #1. I was leading up to trial in a couple weeks. I knew my assailant had three opportunities to postpone the trial. I checked my mail one day before I was meeting up with ex. Assailant had postponed it. I was devastated and angry but kept on about my business. I show up. Ex knows it got postponed. I immediately ask about how he's doing and we preceded to talk about him for the next half hour. He then asks me about the postponement and why I'd be angry about it. And I still am calm and pleasant and say... It's just frustrating because I feel like I'm trapped in this process bla bla bla, and I just need to feel angry for the moment and then I'll be good. It's just how it goes. He says

"You were expecting this. I knew it would happen, everyone knew it would happen, even you. I don't think you should be angry. I just don't understand why you are angry, It's not like (assailant) RE-RAPED you or anything!!! Get over it.

I've never felt the wind or my soul knocked out of me from a comment in my life until this one.

#2 Told me a couple months ago that his 'boys' had asked him "If it was worth it to sleep with someone who was raped." He then tells me, his answer was

"NO, I wouldn't recommend it. But I don't regret it in my case."

I forgot that we are all lepers, my bad!

~ My rapist when he FINALLY got off me and wanted to cuddle. I asked him why he would do this to me. His response delivered with a smirk and a tone:

"Because I knew you didn't want to."

I will never forget the sound of his voice or the delivery in how he said it to me.

Grr.... Sass

[phoenixrising06]

(((((Sass)))))

(PR wiping away a tear)

Wow...some of the things you have heard and seen since your rape are beyond disgusting and unacceptable. Makes me just want to pop the younger sister, ex-boyfriend, ignorant co-workers, etc. in the head.

A friend of mine once told me that women are treacherous. She says this from being tossed under the bus one too many times in dealing w/other females. While I refuse to blanket accept this and overall denounce "us," I will give her that some females are the hardest on and lack compassion for other women...due to their own issues. Your friend's younger sister and the co-worker are perfect examples of this. It is like shining a negative/false light on you...blaming or otherwise lying and disrespecting you...takes the light off of them.

Now to your rapist. What he said to you--with tone and smirk in voice and on face--took me back immediately to what my ex-boyfriend rapist said to me the next morning as he drove me home. He said that "last night was the best. You did good. That was the best we've been." The cockiness of that, the premeditated intent. In the realm of everything we do coming back on us by two...may the universe bring them both what they truly deserve. Double

Take care,

PR

[headface]

From my ex boyfriend (that i broke up with about 5 days ago, for this very reason)

--"Well, it could have been prevented"

Oh, great! Thanks for that one, buddy. The World Wars could have been prevented, shit head. You know what else could have been prevented? You opening your big mouth and me kicking you out at 4 am as a result.

[Sassafras]

Oh my GENTLE JESUS.... that was hilarious! You speak my language headface. Seriously though, it is empowering to hear you take care of yourself. I'm so sorry he is a shit head. My defenses call people who say things like that... ignorant. I'm not sure if you have ever found this to be true, but... it turns out that people REALLY don't like to be called ignorant! Weird

Keep up the good work!

Sassafras

[headface]

[Haullie]

from my Grandmother about 2 days ago...

"well you just need to let it go."

I'm slowly trying to open up to her but it's not an easy start.

[Sassafras]

PR ~

Bless your beautiful soul! You are just warming my heart more and more every day.

Wow...some of the things you have heard and seen since your rape are beyond disgusting and unacceptable. Makes me just want to pop the younger sister, ex-boyfriend, ignorant co-workers, etc. in the head.

Yes, it was absolutely insane. It was, BY FAR, the majority of the message I got day in and day out and outweighed the positive immensely. There are no words to describe how much harshness and judgment I received (majority) in about 6 months time. That mixed in with learning the statistics around rape, what we are up against, the history of rape, and about society in all its glory .... was my harshest lesson/truth of all; especially because I knew in my heart that I did not do one thing to any of them, I was good to them. And there were many times I felt it was more of a crime than the original rape was. I have no idea cause it all hurt... how could you compare? I just thank my lucky stars that I am a stubborn and feisty little pistol, cause I do not know where I would be if I wasn't.

I remember how, for months, the same thought would flash in my mind (like a blinking red light) and shock me just as much as the time before. I would think/say to people

"All you really know about rape is that it is BAD... and would be horrible to go through; but that's all you really know. I REALLY just had NO IDEA how complicated it was; it is just soooo complicated!"

It was some deep sh** to me then and I still stand by that today, whether it may be empty words to those that haven't been through it/supported a survivor or not. Who knows? But to me, it is mind-blowing, even when you set your emotional reaction aside... the people and the reality are just mind-blowing

But that's life. I could sit here and ask why all day or I could flip 'em the bird and rebuild myself. And that's when I come to the second part of your comment. I reserve the right to do all I want in my head to these people, just as long as I don't act on it. So ga'head and pop 'em for me. It gives me a sick pleasure that I love! Anyone that wasn't/isn't up to my standards, by having any depth to them or decency, can ka ka ka ka KISS IT!

Losing 90% of my life is no exaggeration. I think we become use to having a lot of people around to varying degrees of closeness just by being thrown in the school system all the way up to high school. Then we bring some of those people into our adulthood and add them to our work friends, etc. What I came to appreciate this year is that although I was use to having a lot of people around and enjoyed the connection at the time (until they made rape "right"), a lot of them were only around just because they were around. Now, I cut any one out, no matter how close we are, if they ever compromise my heart, my health, or my worth. I got my own drill sergeant working double time inside to deal with!

I just could never respect anyone that can't get that rape is wrong. I am responsible for the dynamics I create and allow. Yes it hurts and I don't have as many people around, but damn if I can't look around and celebrate the fact that I only have beautiful people in my life and I gave that to myself. For me... the quality is far more satisfying than the quantity ever was.

What he said to you--with tone and smirk in voice and on face--took me back immediately to what my ex-boyfriend rapist said to me the next morning as he drove me home. He said that "last night was the best. You did good. That was the best we've been." The cockiness of that, the premeditated intent.

Your last paragraph makes me so sick. I am so sorry. I just don't know what's wrong with these people and why you had to go through that... or why even the comments had to be thrown in there on top of what you experienced. Sometimes I think that the bar is pushed in the aftermath, and it goes from SERIOUS test in life...and emotions... and survival... to inhumane. I double puke with you!

Thank you again for reaching out to me.

Sassafras

[burninginside]

>2) From the first counselor I tried: "I really think all of this wouldn't be a problem if you would just get married." <br> (I was 22).

that is a strange thing to say...and unprofessional and unconstructive imo too.

i had a counselor say to me one time, (apropos of some bad experiences from the past, actually not directly to do with the rape) "you need to move on."

um duh that's why i'm trying to get therapy...so i can move on! if i had the balls i would have been like "um thankyou for stating the blatantly obvious" the other strange thing was it was only my 3rd session or so with this person (and also proved to be our 2nd to last session).

here are a few other things that people have said or done:

my dad: i broke down and told him 4 years ago (2 years after the actual event). i wished i hadn't now and my mom still doesn't know that he knows (although knowing him, he's probably forgotten by now). anyway the first thing he said about it was, "why are you telling me?"... followed by "what were you doing drinking with people you didn't know?" (one of the factors that led to the rape)... far from the cliche dad response of "i'm gonna kill that guy", isn't it?.

my boyfriend: i didn't tell him until we'd already been going out for almost 2 years, and his reaction was to accuse me of lying to him about my sexual past. as i said in a thread i made on these boards a few weeks ago, being raped does NOT constitute having sex, never has, never will.

my now ex-friend: within a month after i confided in her that i had been raped 5 years earlier (something that i have confided in VERY few people over), she went and made a false cry of "rape" just to get sympathy and attention from people. i know now that it's because she is a compulsive liar and attention seeker (i hadn't realized at the time or else i would never have told her about my trauma) and that i shouldn't take it personally (and that she probably wasn't even thinking about what i had told her when she made the story up), but considering how soon it was after i had confided in her about what happened to me, it was more than a little insensitive (not to mention no one in their right mind should ever lie about something as serious as rape)

a guy that i was talking to about a year after it happened: "did you like it?" (WTF)

no wonder i continue to keep it a deep dark secret from most people in my life. having said that though, after browsing through this thread, it sounds like some of you have heard even more appalling responses than i have, so i guess i should count myself fortunate in some ways.

Edited August 18, 2006 by burninginside

[Sassafras]

Burninginside...

I can't STAND that! It is hard for me to not get angry when I hear that, but a counselor said that to you??? Crazy.

Sass

[burninginside]

You know when someone is trying to connect with something you've shared and it is with good intentions but it is SOOO not even in the same realm of what you went through?

In couples T session with hubby I talked about the gang rape and how utterly violating and humiliating that was. Hubby "identified" with his sense of violation after some punk spray painted the side of our garage.

Ya, it's the same thing <_<

rright...maybe if your husband is martha stewart *rolls eyes*... i won't even put on a pretense of knowing how traumatic your ordeal must been for you (because it was probably worse than what i went through). i will say i'm sorry it happened to you though. *hug*

btw, thanks for your concern, sassafras. i think the therapist who said that was just starting out her career, probably not more than a couple years out of college. i was more frustrated than anything else at the time.

My Mom after the first time:

"This happens to every girl. Just forget about it and don't tell anyone."

One of my friends after an attempted rape:

"I don't think he would do that. Everyone knows that he doesn't like you at all."

My Mom after the most recent time:

"Well. I hope that you have learned your lesson."

in response to that last one, WTF? that's insane, especially for someone to say to her own daughter. the first thing your mom said was similar to the gist of what my mom said after i got raped, basically saying i should keep it a secret from most people. what your friend said is just asinine too, not to mention disgustingly insensitive. <_<

Edited August 18, 2006 by burninginside

[BeatriceGlass]

I haven't posted on this site in a really long time, and so this might be placed in the wrong forum, but perhaps belongs here as a testament to how people's opinions and comments can change.

A good friend of mine, after I told her about my rape, basically told me to go out and find another man as soon as possible to avoid becoming "damaged" for ever. She also didn't want to hear me talk about it, and a variety of other things. We stayed friends, but things have never really been the same, for her attitude about my rape and also other issues.

Last week before I left to return to California for school we had a real conversation about what happened. This is the first since I told her about the rape over 4 years ago. It was the best and most supportive conversation I have had with anyone since it happened. She told me she couldn't believe she hadn't been more supportive and that she utimately was scared. No one that she knows has been raped (at least as far as she has been told) and she didn't know how to respond, or even how to begin to talk to me about something she could only imagine. As soon as I told her about my rape, it suddenly made the prospect of rape much more real to her and she feared that talking to me about it would only make that worse and she questioned whether she would have anything to say that could help me. She suggested that I go to therapy and we talked really openly about the relationship and trust issues I have as a result of the rape.

Although I still don't completely forgive how she dealt with the rape from the beginning, maybe she had her own issues to work through before she could really deal with mine. I think that the conversation we had and the closeness we have gotten back possibly makes up for our first conversation and perhaps proves that sometimes people are as shocked or scared as we are and possibly could come around in the end.

Take care all....

[confused1]

I've been slowly trying to read through this thread over the course of my membership here...but it's WAY long, so I haven't made it all the way through still.

The worst comment that I received was from a former friend that I had previously treasured dearly. I had never went into any details with him about what happened, but had made the basics of my first (and most traumatic) assault clear...which he later used as ammo whenever he wanted to hurt me.

The worst one was when he said "you just whored yourself out to him...you know you liked it"....uh, sure...guess the nightmares and flashbacks can magically go away now.

[one silent feather]

I heard once from a friend after I divulged how young I was when the incest started....

"at least you got a jump on everybody else and didn't have to feel nervous about having sex for the first time"

WTF

and let's not forget Dear Old Mom's, "are you sure"?

Edited October 5, 2006 by one silent feather

[mountaineer779]

Wow, people are so stupid sometimes. I do have to say that reading this thread has actually made me feel a bit better about my own stuff. Thanks guys.

My (now ex) boyfriend as I was telling him what happened "Well, why didn't you just kick him in the balls, or something?"

Goodness, that would have just fixed everything.

My mom: "Well, God does everything for a reason"

And that is supposed to help me feel better, how?

My counselor: not a direct quote I can't remember exactly what she said "He probably didnt think he was doing anything wrong"

And because of that he didn't do anything wrong...that makes a lot of sense.

My friend: "Yeah it's almost worse if a perp leaves his victim alive"

Thanks....

That's all I got. Perhaps I should just go knit for the rest of my life and everything will be better. YES!

P.S. Sorry if I posted wrong or w/e, it's my first post.

[Tamuril]

No, you're fine. Welcome to Pandy's, btw.

[Doctor Phogg]

From a counselor: "How old were you when you first remembered this sexual activity?"

Me: "I've always remembered it.

How could I have survived if I didn't know it was gonna happen again?"

counselor: "Yes, but how old were you when you first remembered that it happened?"

From my sister: "Do you ever remember bleeding?"

(who was there)

[mountaineer779]

Okay, I just got some more. I was talking to a friend of mine that I had avoided and been mean to because of what had happened, and he really said some stupid things. (Btw, these are quoted from AIM)

"wow sounds like this realllllly affected you"

gee, and should I have just brushed it off like nothing?

"he probably had no idea what you were thinking or feeling"

And that changes things...how?

Now, this one's my favorite...drumroll please...

"he may have thought you were interested in him"

:o What a moron....I hate it when people think they know what it's like when they have noooo clue.

I mean seriously, how could I have possilby been interested in someone eight years older than me who was also supposed to be (but wasnt grrrr) an authority figure. And really, what does it matter what he thought anyway?

And come on, where's the grrr smiley? There, that'll do