Top 10 Stupidest Comments

[hopefulfortoday]

"So, are you, like, going to be a lesbian now?"

and the all time most horrible question:

"Did your body betray you?"

and the ever-present:

"Why didn't you bite his penis off?"

Some nerve.

[LilithFyre]

Can't believe he did this...but my ex-husband (a cop, mind you)...when I finally told him a few days ago, called me shortly thereafter, drunk and stupis, and asked "My GF is on a cruise, do you wanna come over and have me 'service' you to make you feel better?".

He was serious.

I flipped.

EDITED to add: Today I spoke with him, he was being 'kind'.....and he said we should get together 'Thursday or Friday so I can m*lest you'....

Again, he was serious and again I flipped. He apologized...yet...whatever....

And again, he is a damn cop for the county.

Edited January 11, 2006 by LilithFyre

[~Meg~]

This is not so much a stupid comment as a stupid action. Two days after the assault a close friend of mine who knew all of what happened and his aunt who knew as well sent me flowers saying "get well soon". I know they weren't trying to be rude, but wow. Flowers work for a lot of things, this was not one of those times.

[BeatriceGlass]

From my best friend

"You need to stop playing the victim card and figure out what is really wrong with you and preventing you from finding a long term relationship...."

She then went on to reconsider me looking for anything "long term" and then decided that the best thing for me would be "as many one night stands as it took"....

I see now that she was close to giving me perfect advice having just forgotten to point out the knitting and the chinese cooking classes....

[memphis86]

i think that the stupidest thing that i've ever heard was from a therapist that i saw only once who said that i should be thankful that i wasn't worse.

oh i had a best friend who told me that she, "hated people who dwelt on the past". that was really sweet. thank you!

Both comments really made me feel like i was making a big deal out of nothing. That made me shut up again for another few years. I can't believe how callous some people can be. It's so insensitive.

Edited January 26, 2006 by memphis86

[Guest zasspa]

Hmmm some stupid comments

Upon hearing that I had been r*ped a friend turned to me and said oh my god 'zasspa' had you waxed recently cause that would have been sooo embarrassing. OMG!!!!!

I have also got the 'well you must be a lesbian now hey' thing about a hundred times

A friend and I were having a sorta arguement one day because she had just told me that she didnt believe anything I had told her about being r*ped. When I asked her why she didnt believe me she said 'well it just doesnt fit - people that have been r*ped only ever wear baggy clothes that cover their shape and you are wearing a tight top and tight jeans. She also told me that it couldnt be true because when talking about it I had a lot of trouble looking her in the eyes. ARE YOU KIDDING!!!!!

Ive also had someone say to me once - if a person is ever r*ped the only person they should ever tell is the police. Why would they want to talk about it with anyone else other than the cops that can actually do something about it.

Needless to say I told him nothing!!!!!

[Born 83]

friends who'd helped me in the beginning, after two weeks said:

"we can't handle u. you're not dealing with it"

my step mom, when told by my dad (he told me later what she said):

"well, a girl who goes to smoke with a guy alone means only one thing"- says something about her...

like, WTF?!?!

almost forgot this one:

i was having a heart to heart with my dad, and at some point he said:"you know, a man can only restrain himself up to a point"

(or something like that. this was a long time ago...). like, thanks a lot dad!

Edited February 7, 2006 by Born 83

[pixie]

I posted at a non survivor forum once and this woman started leaving odd posts to me about how i was not telling the truth about something. Then she started posting that it was "pathetic' that I didn't tell them my real name and was 'hiding'. I told them in my intro that i was asurvivor , artist etc. just to be up front. She must have tracked me down somehow and just didn't like rape victims. I get that alot- people with very pc ideas assume that bc my rapists said i was lying that i am somehow an inveterate liar. I wasn't lying. Sorry folks- that makes 'you' a person who hurts the innocent.

If there was something i wasn't saying that i should have- it would be the details of how they raped me. The truth about how i was exploited without my consent by the people who should have helped me.

pix

Edited February 11, 2006 by pixie

[olympian151]

I finally told my wife about my CSA,

and she said

"I don't understand, it happened over 40 years ago, and you're still not over it?"

[pixie]

I'm sorry that happened (((Olympian))).

[thriver]

I want to send a hug to everyone who wants one. (I'll put it at the end for those who'd rather not.) I'm sorry you all have had to deal with such insensitive, IGNORANT people! You know, part of being aware, compassionate, loving, sensitive, etc. is asking questions if we don't know, or sometimes just keeping our mouths shut.

Here's my worst comment story:

When I decided to have a child, my CSA memories started coming to the fore. I immediately went searching for a therapist. The first one I interviewed kept making this statement over and over:

"Well, it may not have happened." "It may not have happened."

I wanted to leap over her desk and strangle her! Aaaghhhh!

Keep safe, all!

[olympian151]

OK, I wasn’t going to tell this one but with Thriver’s story I can’t help it.

The first psychiatrist that I decided to tell listened to me tell her that I had childhood memories of being abducted and r*ped (SA isn’t strong enough) when I was a child.

She told me that it was not unusual for latent homosexuals to create homoerotic fantasies and that I needed to face the fact that I was gay and the abduction was just a “fantasy”

WHAT!!! It took twenty more years before I told anyone else!

( the abduction was confirmed years by my mother)

As a side note

1st I quit going to her (duh) and

2nd I happened to run into her at a mall. She asked me if I had ever come to terms with my sexual identify.

Edited February 15, 2006 by olympian151

[thriver]

Whoa! Olympian. I am so sorry you had to deal with that nonsense. I don't say this type of thing often, because I'm trying to improve on my acceptance and tolerance....

....BUT....

WHAT AN IDIOT!

I can hardly believe that some of these people have actually had training and lots of education--like PhD's! I'm so glad you got away from someone like that. Continue taking care of yourself.

[Insignificant]

After over 8 years of marriage, I called up my Dad and told him I was filing for Divorce. I told him I had found inc*st related porn on his computer, and my Dad said, "Don't make this Ugly. He wasn't supporting you....that's enough. Do you think I would have let your younger sister sleep under his roof if I thought he was into that?"

Thanks Dad. Let's think of my younger sister and totally ignore the fact that *I* was the one sleeping in his bed all those years.

I guess I know better then to even mention all the Marital r*pe.

[Epona]

When I was fourteen I summoned up the courage to talk to the school counsellor about it and she said "Your Mother would never let anything happen to you" and dismissed what I was about to say so I shut up for the next eight years! Words eh.

[Astatine]

sorry removed did not realize it would be viewable to public. WAY too personal

Edited February 19, 2006 by Astatine

[Victoria63]

"You need to stop playing the victim card and figure out what is really wrong with you and preventing you from finding a long term relationship...."

She then went on to reconsider me looking for anything "long term" and then decided that the best thing for me would be "as many one night stands as it took"....

I see now that she was close to giving me perfect advice having just forgotten to point out the knitting and the chinese cooking classes....

I'd tried most of that by the time I was 16...

wait a minute, that's not funny...

[pallyc]

Upon telling my aunt I was sexually abused by her brother her reply was:

"Oh well, at least you weren't raped."

Edited April 19, 2006 by pallyc

[sheblynn]

one of the dumbest comments i hd gotten from my husband who is the only one i told about it was " i should have tried harder to get away" uhhhhhhh well i did try to get away fled from the guy twice both times he caught up with me the when i ran the second time there was a gun involved so i thought it was brave of me to try and run off i mean he could have shot me ( sorry if the gun thing bothers or triggers anyone)

Edited March 1, 2006 by sheblynn

[Kate]

My "lovely, wonderful" catholic school life education teacher once said (not to me specifically, but to the whole class:

"Abuse in and of itself is an evil thing. Speaking of it in the future, unless it is to take legal action against the perpetrators, is simply a continuation of that evil." Nice. Also "we all have our crosses to bear".

An oldie but a goodie - "Do you STILL think about that?"

And a friend, who knew the basic outline of my past, e.g. was csa'd, abusive ex-bf, etc, was working for a law firm, doing his articles. At dinner one night he told all of us about a new client they had who was charged with child pornography offences. Nick said "I never knew what the big deal was but I saw the pictures and wow, they are sick". How could you NOT know what the big deal is, no matter how sheltered you are?

And of course I've got the usual friends who insist on using the word rape inappropriately, even though some of them know what happened. You know, they get short-changed 5 cents and they talk about how "raped" they feel. That kind of shit.

I was once told that there was no time for "self-pity". That things happen, you just have to put it in the past and move on .

God I could go on! There's so many full of shit people it's almost laughable. If it weren't so sad.

love Kate

[Dove]

Hello everyone. Been a while since I've been here and this thread caught my eye.

My Stupidest Comment is right out of the dark ages.

I was raped. I decided to report it even though I knew I didn't have enough information to identify the scum. I called the police department and honest to gawd, the first thing, the VERY FIRST THING - even before my name - the officer on the phone asked me was

"What were you wearing?"

I hung up and never called back.

What was the use?

[squirrely]

deleted for privacy

<_<

squirrely

Edited April 5, 2006 by squirrely

[veryconfused]

Hello,

I'm new, but this thread really made me feel a lot better about some of the things that I've heard through this whole experience. Mine was a drug related sexual assault and I don't remember anything, and some of the things I've heard were:

"If you can't remember what happened, how do you know that you didn't want it to?" ummm.. well, waking up with vomit all over me, not remembering anything, with a positive drug test is a good idea.

From my boyfriend at the time: "I believe that you were raped, but I still feel I have a right to be upset with you (for cheating)"

Oh yeah... and the BEST one was: "even if you were in a coma, you didn't say 'no'"... yeah.. I got that a lot "well, did you say no?"... no, stupid, I was unconscious.. there is a witness who saw it happen... oooh, oooh, and "women need to be ready in order to have sex; you can't just have sex with a girl that is unconscious" yeah.. because we require erections for intercourse... right. note: these are all from university students in PSYCHOLOGY.. scary thought, huh?

I also had friends who believed me invite the guy to parties and expect me to come.. I read something somewhere about that happening. And also lots of comments within like 2 weeks of it happening that I should be over it already.. so I really empathize with a lot of you. Thanks for posting what you did. It's been really helpful for me to see how a lot of you seem to have developed really healthy attitudes towards this sort of thing. I hope I'll get there. I guess I"m still in the thick of it.

Hugs,

Jess xo

[pixie]

i had someone on a message board figure out who i was. She started going on and on about how I was 'pathetic' for not telling them my real name. As in my full legal name. (???) On the internet. Do i need to point out the stupidity of that? She kept saying i wasn't telling them everything. Mind you this was totally irrelevent. It was a board about global issues. I don't know why she focused in on my personal life in that context. I think she was jealous that I was a newby and got something right therefore lots of attention.

I called her on it and told her she was victim blaming. She ended up threatening me. By the end of the thread (which i left after The threat) the other board members were pointing out that she sounded like a movie villain and to chill out. I never went back to the forum bc it creeped me out.

pix

[pixie]

This wasn't intentional so much as indicitive of the way i was slandered.

a friend of mine started telling me a story about a woman who had been paid to be exploited on the internet with webcams.

As she was telling the story I began thinking it was the same as what my rapists did to me without my permission.

As the story progressed I really came to believe she was talking about me without knowing it. She called the woman alot of bad names (which i had had screamed at me in public before).

I calmly stated that maybe the idea had come from what my class mates did to me in college. That people (who were teasing me mostly) had told me I was exploited on web cams but that I never saw the cams or found out exactly what happened. No one ever told me either way. They just made fun of me doing my stretching exercises for my back, the way i did things. Stuff they shouldn't know unless they had a camera. In the very begining a friend had asked me if my perps could have put a camera in my apt anywhere bc they knew things about me they shouldn't. I developed DID during the process. By the end I really thought it was an imaginary little kid thing only i knew about.

When i almost died from anorexia (5'8", 70 lbs) two years later I told my psychiatrists what i thought happened. They said it wasn't possible and put me on antipsychotic meds. Like I'm just crazy to think someone would exploit another person like that. It's not possible.

I was really afraid to tell anyone i thought there were webcams (or something) bc i thought they would put me 'away' like the book girl, interrupted. In the book the institution is 50's like and once you were in, you stayed in. The meds messed people up really badly and you didn't get thrown out when your insurance ran out. It was set before the Reagan era when dr's began relying on medication instead of inpatient. On a side note this is part of the homeless problem. People who should be in patient are given meds they wont take and set out on the street.

pix

Edited March 13, 2006 by pixie