Alex12345 Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 May trigger** This one was from my abuser (my 10 years older brother in law) after touching me all over as an excuse for what he did "you have beautiful breasts, the boys will go crazy for you (I was 12 or 13 at the time...)." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
graydog Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 "but nothing really happened" Yeah that's a winner. My husband took comfort in that for a long time because he thought since there was no actual "penetration," that it was "OK." That is until I was willing to tell him the more graphic details and he realized that "penetration" wasn't needed to make it an assault and have impact. In my husband's defense, I just don't think he was ready to deal with the reality. He has come a long way, since the "nothing really happened," phase. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alex12345 Posted March 2, 2013 Share Posted March 2, 2013 Yeah, I struggled myself with that one for many years. Because there was no penetration, no violence, I didn't think I could say I had been abused and had the right to feel bad about it. I'm glad your husband is now more aware of the effects of it, no matter what... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cherline Posted March 6, 2013 Share Posted March 6, 2013 Not sure if this fits here... 'First world problems.' Loads of people, when talking about anxiety and depression issues. Holy pants, yeah, of course. 'Cause as I'm not dying of thirst, I'm just a whiny b*tch. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bowspearer Posted March 18, 2013 Share Posted March 18, 2013 burkeev, there's nothing weird about that at all. What it means is that your abuser failed to destroy your compassion and in turn, your humanity. Be proud of yourself if anything- you've ultimately won. Snd86 I do think your father's remark, while disconnected with reality, is understandable. Let's face it, the guy was statutorily raped by a female child sex predator and the world told him it was a rite of passage- just as it continues to tell underage male child rape victims to this day (even making them pay child support when it results in a child)- to the point where he was brainwashed into believing that his being violated by a pedophile was the equivalent of consensual sex between two adults. How else could he have responded to your ordeal without also being forced to face the reality of what he endured. I truly hope that does change for him at some point though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
madisonmatey Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 My last ex (though one of the sweetest and most understanding men ever) when I told him i was thinking about going to T:<p>"I don't know if a therapy will help...what you really need is a boyfriend who will help you forget this"<p> But to get back to the Top 10 part I think Lea's therapist definitely is number one<p>That's the solution girls (and boys...yep Troy, posting in this thread means you have to get out the needles too)...let's all start knitting...not only will that erase all our problems, we could also knit something useful...like a brain for people in desperate need of one <p>Art *heading off to buy needles and wool* <p>(Edited by ArTeMiS at 8:04 pm on July 2, 2002) I really think crafting/art is one of the best therapeutic thing I do. When I was in the middle of my abuse I was failing school because I was always daydreaming I think trying to separate myself from reality. Thats really when I started to become very creative because it was just a release from reality. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thundere Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 One stupid comment I got after confiding about the rape attempt was "you shouldn't be outside late at night." Well first of all, I wasn't out, I was at home in my apartment minding my own business. Not like I wanted the guy to call my door bell. I don't go out alone at that time of day, and even if I was it's not my fault what he tried to do, is it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lumina Posted September 16, 2013 Share Posted September 16, 2013 It's hard to pick just a few...so many. Let's see: 1. That's all that happened/that's it? (as if it wasn't that bad) 2. Feeling better now? (after telling story, as if telling is a magical cure) 3. Stop being a baby /and/ it's not like he finished the job (after sexual assault that wasn't rape) 4. Stop thinking about it? Aren't you over it yet? Just stop living in the past. It was a long time ago why does it still bother you? 5. Why are you so sensitive? (implying a lack of character or that feelings are not legitimate) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bamama Posted September 16, 2013 Share Posted September 16, 2013 Wow... Just wowww. People are really stupid sometimes and they odd to think before they say. I'm happy I haven't gotten any bad comments from anyone, yet. And wow.. Your mother?^ Of all people... That's terrible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
browneyedgirl Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 I remember telling my best friend at school. All she said was "Its not the worst thing in the world" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tagen Posted September 25, 2013 Share Posted September 25, 2013 At the school I went to we had to do a stupid course in senior years, just for the girls called 'back off'. It was meant to be 'how not to get raped 101'. I refused to go, knowing it was triggering, but asked my friend about it after and apparently it was all about self defence against rapists and how you shouldn't ask them to use a condom because that could be taken as consent. What crap.. Anyway, 4 years later they are still running this course and my fiance's little sister comes home and says 'I don't know how anyone could be dumb enough to be raped, you just run away or fight them or kick them in the balls!' Ugh young ignorance... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tagen Posted September 25, 2013 Share Posted September 25, 2013 Oy.. So many ignorant hatefull people!!! From a socalled friend/coworker.. when I said that having to go and have STD testing done following the rape was emotional : ex-friend: "Quit being a baby, You're being overly dramatic. All women have to go to the gyno, and you comparing it to rape is offensive." My so called victims advocate pulled the " I'm sure you'll be more careful in the future" line on me.. As if I was raped because I wasn't careful :P/>..... My relationship with my mother is strained.. I had my cousin tell her I was raped and wanted to be left alone.. First thing my mother does is show up crying telling me HER feelings were hurt that I didn't tell h er about the rape... My mum's reaction was the same. The school told her, and she was just upset I didn't trust her enough to tell her. Later on she decided I must be lying because I didn't tell her first and because I didn't want to talk about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluebirdy Posted September 27, 2013 Share Posted September 27, 2013 Ah, I think my ex kind of takes the cake. When I first disclosed to him he responded by dumping me. Then once we 'worked things out' he says, "you know, if we didn't get back together I was going to make sure I dated a virgin next time" (I had never had consensual sex before him). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wildnfree Posted October 1, 2013 Share Posted October 1, 2013 (edited) All of these comments are from my mother after I told her about SA/R that happened when I was with my ex. Here are her comments that go from bad, worse to downright scary: "Therapy is nice, but it won't really help you recover. Pray harder." "You'll get through this. You need to forgive and move on. Look at Maya Angelou and Joyce Meyers! They endured a lot more and turned out fine." "Think about all the poor women and children being trafficked-they have it so much worse." "What's common to one woman is common to all."-Is that supposed to make what happened okay or not so traumatic? "God allowed it to happen for a reason."- I can't begin to describe how awful it felt to hear that. "You need to tell your father what happened and ask for forgiveness."- Ask for forgiveness...are you serious?! WTH...I can't even, this comment upsets me the most! Edited October 1, 2013 by wildnfree Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fiona Posted December 3, 2013 Share Posted December 3, 2013 'Can't you just find a button inside your head and delete those memories?' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spurpop Posted December 6, 2013 Share Posted December 6, 2013 "It's like the time I got a hole in my pants. I gave myself 5 minutes to 'be italian' and get angry, and then I got over it. You need to do that too." Yes this is real. "It's not like you HAD to go in there." "I'm sure there's some school rule about what YOU did. You better be careful because you could be expelled." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady_Lovelace Posted December 15, 2013 Share Posted December 15, 2013 Oh man, i can't believe there is actual people that have said stupid things like that. I haven't had any comments really because i am very privy of what happened to me. It is already enought to hear people around me say some shitty comment regarding abused women to know that i should NEVER say anything. For example: 1. my dear granny, ever since i was a kid she would say (when we heard of a girl being abused) "well a man only goes as far as a woman allows him to" really grandma? i bet you also wanted grandpa to give you those beatings everytime he got mad at you. You should have never allowed that. 2. Granny again "your mother deserves your father talks to her that way, after all she is a bad wife" Excuse me? can we go back to point number 1. again talking about grandpa? maybe you didn't serve his soup warm enough and that is why you deserved a sucker punch in the face. 3. Ohhhh granny again. She was visiting me for a summer and we had a fight because i was making plans to go out with one of my girlfriends to the theatre, she kept on ranting i was not allowed to go and leave her alone and then finally she attacks me with the following "well, you live in a different country all by yourself, only God knows what you really have been doing while alone" mainly she call me a whore. She did the same to my mom when she was a teenager so when i told her what happened over the phone she was furious and told me she would help out to get the plane ticket changed so grandma would leave ASAP. How i loved my mom! 4. When my mother died, which was a year after my R (of course i was very emotionally distressed already), i was invited to a friends house just two months after the funeral, of course i had lost my only and most strong supporter which helped me get through that first year. I was feeling utterly destroyed and over coffee she goes "oh come on it has been 2 months you should just get over it, you are depressed the whole time, move forward" I just exploded and told her she didn't know what she was talking about and to shut it. People can be really cruel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jmk23 Posted December 17, 2013 Share Posted December 17, 2013 Possible Triggers for Language******My ex's current girlfriend trying to give me a new "perspective" on what happened:"Have you ever looked at it from his point of view? Did you say no loud enough? Did you struggle enough? You guys had talked about having sex for the first time before, he just thought that that night was "the night". Maybe he just didn't see the signals that you didn't want to. Did it feel like rape?" My ex when we talked about the rape (he was drunk and doesn't remember much):"It makes me feel better to know that at least I didn't hit you"....glad you're feeling better... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tagen Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 My mum: 'I would know if that had happened, besides if it were the truth you would have told me when you got home'. A counsellor: 'at least it was just one guy at a time, not all at once'. And my sister in law always says things like 'i would fight back' and 'I'd never let that happen to me' .. Well I didn't LET it happen to me either! > The last thing my SIL did was lend me 'one of her favourite books' that she thought I'd like, in which ......trigger..... One of the main characters kills herself, apparently because of PTSD and CSA. How is that going to help me? It might have had a good ending but I got halfway through the book and couldn't deal. Such a stupid book for her to recommend to me.. Or anyone! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blind_bird Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 The stupidest thing anyone ever said to me was: " why didn't you push him off?" " your strong right?" That was one of my friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8888 Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 "I think it was an accident." umm, no possible trigger "r victims usually like to keep on showering since they feel the abuse has made them dirty. You don't think that and hate to shower so you can't be a r victim." geesh, it's not a one size fits all kind of thing "why would a women molest a female?" Why would anyone molest anyone? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maui_on_my_mind Posted April 11, 2014 Share Posted April 11, 2014 What doesn't kill you makes you stronger...what BS!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluebutterfly Posted April 11, 2014 Share Posted April 11, 2014 From (now ex) fiancé: "I'm glad that that's all that happened to you." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8888 Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 possible sexist comment I've heard "I have the dick so I make the rules." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladysig Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 oh oh oh! i have a stupid comment! this was years ago, but still takes the cake for me. my mother, who was well aware of the fact that my father had horrifically abused me, was talking to me about a mutual acquaintance. turns out, said mutual acquaintance had been convicted of child molestation for abusing his step kids, and my mother says to me... get this... are you ready?!.... "it's always so terrible when you hear something like that about somebody that you know. i mean, it's bad enough when it's a news story or something, but when it's somebody that you've talked to and invited over for supper, it's just terrible." ...... and i'm like "or were married to for 20 years and bore 3 children by?"... *shakes head* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts