J725c Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 (edited) Double post, sorry Edited September 22, 2012 by J725c Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J725c Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 (edited) Triple post. Edited September 22, 2012 by J725c Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sadmelon. Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 "So many other people have worse life's than you" "Can't you just forget about it, and think about other things except this all the time" "I bet you'd love to see him again wouldn't you?" This was said after being asked if I had seen the guy who hurt me since it happened. These were all also said by my current boyfriend who knows what has happened to me. The last one hurting the most. Some people really have no idea :/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Camellia Posted October 1, 2012 Share Posted October 1, 2012 Sadmelon, I'm sorry. People say stupid things all the time and they just don't think. I find the last sentence by your boyfriend particularly cruel. No one in his right mind would say that. If okay, safe hugs Camellia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blondie2002 Posted October 3, 2012 Share Posted October 3, 2012 I'm so sorry you were told that sadmelon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
burkeev Posted October 6, 2012 Share Posted October 6, 2012 "So many other people have worse life's than you" Thank you for that. I have never understood how people think that knowing how much worse the world can get, is supposed to make anyone feel better. The stupidest comment I got was from my mom. I sent her a text message saying that it was all going to be okay and this wasn't the end of the world. Her reply: "Well that's easy for you to say." As if this wasn't about me at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HopeRedefined Posted October 14, 2012 Share Posted October 14, 2012 "But it wasn't like it was a stranger in a dark alley." "That would have never happened to me, I would have fought." -"Friends" (I did.) "Are you sure it was rape and not just bad sex?" (From the police officer) "It's your own fault for going to that party in the first place." (From my parents) "Why did you let yourself be alone with him?" "Are you sure it really happened?" "Losing your virginity is overrated." "You're a beautiful girl, you'll be just fine." I was trapped in a room with my r*pist at a party. When my friend realized that something was wrong and that I wouldn't just randomly hook up with someone, she ran upstairs to try and get to me. His two friends chased her down, held her back and told her to let it happen. The direct quote was "he needs this." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tangled Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 "Why don't you find a new hobby so you have something else to think about!" Yeah right..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caro Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 As sad it is this makes me smiling.... " But apart from that he beaten you up in front of the kids, apart from that, hes a nice guy " My mother " This is life. Get over it and move on " A relative " You are 40 years old and still bothering about the old storys ? " My mother so on so on.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brunnette33 Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 This is the one I hate hate hate-its been a little over 2 years for me, and I keep having people yell me-Just get over it already. That is the stupidest thing in this situation. Another is-You're still thinking about that? Don't you ever think of anything else?- Don't you realize that I live in a hell that won't stop, a reality that isnt safe anymore. I never leave my house unless I have to..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
expiredsanity Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 My favourite came from the police officer that I gave my statement to after the government told them to open a file. She said, and I quote: "A mother would never do that kind of thing." Really? Well, mine sure did. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BabyElphie Posted November 1, 2012 Share Posted November 1, 2012 After having told my ex that my SA and r*** made me feel used, we were talking about past relationships and in reference to his previous girlfriend (who he had fully consensual sex with) he said "Ooo she made me feel so dirty!". I found that really insensitive oh and yes I've had the "are you still not over that?" And another, from a "friend" when I told her about my relationship with my r**ist and when I had just had my post about him moved to the Relationship Violence forum - "so you were only together 3 or 4 months, that's not long. Why are you so bothered by it?" grrrr! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdam Posted November 3, 2012 Share Posted November 3, 2012 My favourite came from the police officer that I gave my statement to after the government told them to open a file. She said, and I quote: "A mother would never do that kind of thing." Really? Well, mine sure did. That's maddening, I've gotten similar statements about my 'father', 'he seems like such a nice guy, can't imagine he'd do something like that'....well, I don't have to imagine, I lived it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
expiredsanity Posted November 11, 2012 Share Posted November 11, 2012 Exactly! Parents aren't supposed to do these terrible, horrible things to their children, but that doesn't mean they don't. I think what the officer said stung the most, maybe because she was a person in a position of perceived authority telling me I was wrong, I was lying. It just hurt so much; it was bad enough telling her, bad enough having to admit to everything she did, but to be invalidated like that, to be told I was making it up or something, that was brutal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cassiestillyg Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 When I was in elementary school every one found or about my abuse because it was a small community. My friends, being somewhat sheltered went home and asked their parents what "rape" and "molestation" meant. Instead of explaining it to them, their parents said where did you hear that?! And they told them what had happened with me and my step dad and, again, instead of explaining it likea proper parent should they simply told my friends that they couldn't see me anymore because i was bound to do the same thing. Ignorant people. Cassie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fiona Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 (edited) Cassie, I'm sorry those parents made their kids believe YOU were the criminal... Still don't know what to think about this one, I told someone (which doesn't happen very often) and he immediately made it about them, not me: 'I feel sorry for the guys who did this to you. They must regret what they did every day.' Edited December 4, 2012 by fiona Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TimeForChange Posted December 5, 2012 Share Posted December 5, 2012 A long time ago but they really stick in my head... My mother when I called her to tell her what my father had done "You're upset just because he went for you?". My mother when I said I didn't feel like a real or complete human being and that I had to prove any worth through my job "I always thought you were like a brain box on legs". My abuser when he said "I didn't know it was wrong" - he was a psychologist in the school system! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nessieee_22 Posted December 7, 2012 Share Posted December 7, 2012 -My best friend and the first person i ever told (it was still going on): "You know, this happens to kids all the time. Idk what the big deal is?" -My boyfriend (at the time) while I was trying to figure out how to tell my parents what was happening: "I'm sick of hearing about this! If you don't tell them then I'm gonna break up with you and I will tell them myself." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SynergyMind01 Posted December 11, 2012 Share Posted December 11, 2012 (edited) After opening up to a friend... {paraphrase] "Look at Oprah, you can start moving on & start over..." How many people agree that it's really more of the manner in which the comment is nonchalantly thrown out as opposed to the actual words used? (A realization I just came across) Edited December 11, 2012 by SynergyMind01 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gonz Posted December 13, 2012 Share Posted December 13, 2012 (edited) 'I feel sorry for the guys who did this to you. They must regret what they did every day.' Someone said something very similar to me once. Something about how what they did would haunt them for the rest of their lives. First thought was "screw you for caring, for even thinking, about how they feel." Second thought was "if the guilt drives them to suicide then, yeah, that might give me a bit of comfort." Edited December 13, 2012 by Gonz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SynergyMind01 Posted December 15, 2012 Share Posted December 15, 2012 (edited) 'I feel sorry for the guys who did this to you. They must regret what they did every day.' Someone said something very similar to me once. Something about how what they did would haunt them for the rest of their lives. First thought was "screw you for caring, for even thinking, about how they feel." Second thought was "if the guilt drives them to suicide then, yeah, that might give me a bit of comfort." Mine while not as severe.... (after opening up) "imagine how your mom must feel" (referring to the guilt she is experiencing) To the person: Again, I get what you're after...but...really? People are so great with words sometimes. Edited December 17, 2012 by SynergyMind01 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fiona Posted December 24, 2012 Share Posted December 24, 2012 Gonz and Synergy, I guess we agree it's a stupid comment then The thing is, the guy who said this to me was really caring. This comment came out of nowhere and I could only stare at him. But now I keep thinking about it.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snd86 Posted December 25, 2012 Share Posted December 25, 2012 So when I told my dad that my step-dad started getting blowjobs when I was 8/9 and continued until I left at 16 he asked if I went around with a "secret smile". My dad is very proud that he lost his virginity at 14 to the old widow down the road though so that might explain his comment. My mom tells me to put it in the "I Don't Know File" She also tells me to stay off sites like this even though I told her it was really helping me, she said I was dwelling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
burkeev Posted December 27, 2012 Share Posted December 27, 2012 'I feel sorry for the guys who did this to you. They must regret what they did every day.' It's really weird, but I do feel bad for the guy who did this to me. Sometimes I think about him and feel sad because I feel like there must have been something messed up in his life for him to think that this was okay. BUT on that same note, I know that a lot of people don't feel that way (I don't really want to feel this way) and that is a really stupid comment to make to someone. I'm sorry someone said that to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolfie1 Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 (edited) I've grown so tired of the emotional invalidation that I've gotten to the point where I feel I don't have the right to talk about my abuse in person because nobody wants to hear about it. I only talk about it with a few trusted people outside of the internet. Some gems I've heard: "It wasn't that bad and you're just too sensitive." "You were too passive. You should have stood up to him better, like so-and-so would have." (But I know from experience that when in an abusive relationship, "standing up" to the person often does no good.) "You should have had more self-respect and not let yourself get abused like that." "But it was years ago!" "I don't think it's good to hang onto past hurts." EDIT: I forgot one I have been told multiple times: "At least you weren't being beaten up!" And a variant: "Just think of all the women out there who are being beaten up..." Still makes me seethe to this day. It makes me so mad that people think we "choose" to "hang onto" the pain from our abuse and if we could just forget about it we'd be over it. People also don't understand why we can't just "get over it" and never discuss it again, especially if it happened a while back. Edited March 1, 2013 by Wolfie1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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