Top 10 Stupidest Comments

[Errapel]

Gods, some of the things that people have said are so stupid! I've had a few hurtful comments:

When I first confided in my best friend, he didn't seem to get it. Didn't quite believe me (not so much calling me a liar, just couldn't get his head around it, he seemed to think I was superwoman, bad things happening to me just didn't make sense). But it got worse. When I tried to explain that I'd sort of repressed it all, not wanting to deal with it, he interrupts saying: "Oh people don't really repress memories, the brain doesn't work like that." well thanks, your GCSE level (done age 14-15) psychology class has clearly qualified you to tell me what trauma survivors do and do not experience. Thank you for invalidating me like that, you're a real help. Said idiot (who is still a dear friend, and has matured considerably since all this) also said "Go away you're making me depressed." when I was trying to talk to him about how down I felt.

Another so-called-friend who I was trying to tell about my SI responded: "You're crazy, I don't want anything do do with you."

I was discussing why I have certain issues with sex, with a friend, and commented that it meant that I was going to have certain problems. His response? "No it isn't because you're not going to let him do that to you. You're not going to let him make you a victim." sure he probably meant that to be empowering, but it wasn't. I didn't LET my R effect me, it just does. I didn't LET the flashbacks or nightmares happen, they just do.

I was sitting on the bus chatting to an acquainted, a few weeks after my R, and he commented (though he didn't know what had happened to me) that he thought most rapes were just a girl having too much drink and regretting her sex partner the next morning.

Anyway I'm off to knit myself some Chinese food!

[Cat5]

I was reading a comment about the Anti-Rape Condom a female doctor in South Africa has developed, and one of the comments said that women put themselves in "rapeable" situations. What a freaking moron.

[darane_svatura]

Someone said to me recently - "You're not planning to have kids are you?" I said "no" and he said "Good, that's very sensible because kids whose parents abuse them usually go on to abuse their own kids. It's in their genes."

!!!

tekki, I'm both sorry and mad that someone said that to you. That is such a ridiculous and ignorant assumption, and an unbelievably hurtful thing to say.

[sktgrl119]

Me: "He [my brother] abused me physically and sexually."

My mother: "But you know your brother has ADD. There's no way that could've happened. We would know if something like that happened."

And, the fact that he has trouble focusing on his schoolwork really excuses the rape...wtf?! "We would know if something like that happened." Seriously!?? Apparently not, because it did happen and there's no way you knew where he was 100% of the time!!!

Urgh! they make me sooooooo angry!

--Michelle

[junglebook]

I think the worst one I have ever heard was from my old roommate. He didn't know about what had happened to me. He was talking about a video game and beating the other team and made the comment "ya, well, sometimes it just needs to happen. I feel the same way about rape." No idea why he would have that idea in his head anyway, but I pretty much stormed out of the room so him and my boyfriend wouldn't see me crying. Luckily, I have a very supportive boyfriend who took him aside and talked to him, and he later came in and appologized and never said anything like that again. But it was completely inappropriate and still haunts me sometimes.

[Caracola]

How's this?

"You should forgive her--can you imagine what others would think if they heard your story and how you handled such adversity with God's grace?"

Yeah, he was supposed to have been trained to talk to survivors. Great help, that one.

[sktgrl119]

Someone said to me recently - "You're not planning to have kids are you?" I said "no" and he said "Good, that's very sensible because kids whose parents abuse them usually go on to abuse their own kids. It's in their genes."

!!!

Really?!

Sorry you had to hear that response. I couldn't disagree more. There's quite a huge population of resilient survivors out there who don't abuse their kids. I would honestly be extremely afraid to do anything harmful if I had kids...I would do the best I could to give my kids all the love and support that they need to be successful. No one should ever have to experience what I have.

Here's to all the survivors who are terrific parents!!! Thank you!

[MMarie]

"You're a really nice girl. Someday you'll find a good guy, and he will treat you right."

Oh, I hate hate hate this one! Like...obviously, all I need to fix all my issues is a good MAN. Like, even after having been raped by a man, finding a boyfriend/husband is still LIKE THE MOST IMPORTANT THING EVAR. And when I find this fairy tale prince, all the pain and trauma will just melt away. It's like...where exactly does taking care of myself enter into this little narrative you've got there?

It's like it doesn't even occur to some people that finding a "good guy" might really be the farthest thing from my mind at the moment. And that if I were to get into a relationship, even with a good, non-rapist type guy, that it wouldn't magically fix everything.

[MelK]

After my first trial counselling session, in which the therapist said nothing whatsoever but just sat and waited for me to say things in between long silences, she suddenly told me I'd have to pay for six sessions in advance and there was no refund if I had to cancel.

This was the first time I'd said ANYTHING to ANYONE and that was all she said to me. Apparently the method is called free association, but I had to write quite a big cheque out to her for that session. Then I never went back but found a specialist R/CSA/Trauma therapist instead.

[helden05]

From my BOYFRIEND at the time (now ex)

"Consent is always implied when you're drunk. Everyone knows that."

and another random thing he said that pissed me off was "If you tell, you're not going to get us in trouble for drinking right?" First thing he said when I told him. Not even a "S*** are you okay?"

What an ass >_<

[MMarie]

"Consent is always implied when you're drunk. Everyone knows that."

WTF. That's ridiculous. Sorry you had to hear that, especially from someone who claimed to care about you!

[helden05]

Yeah...well the person who did it to me was also his friend. He was scared of being put in the middle of it. Guess who he chose though. -_-

[sktgrl119]

After my first trial counselling session, in which the therapist said nothing whatsoever but just sat and waited for me to say things in between long silences, she suddenly told me I'd have to pay for six sessions in advance and there was no refund if I had to cancel.

This was the first time I'd said ANYTHING to ANYONE and that was all she said to me. Apparently the method is called free association, but I had to write quite a big cheque out to her for that session. Then I never went back but found a specialist R/CSA/Trauma therapist instead.

Mel K and everyone--

This sounds like unethical behavior on the part of that therapist. A therapist should not be billing for sessions before they are rendered. Plus, clients have the right to terminate treatment at any time, without being penalized (including being financially penalized.) As a mental health professional and survivor, I think its so important that you all know your rights... Unfortunately, there's professionals (and pseudo-professionals) out there who don't always use sound practices.

I'm glad that you were able to stick up for your own well-being and find a therapist who's a better fit!

[WhiteFox]

My boyfriend and I are sitting at dinner and he mentions a show we could go to that's a block away from where my abusive ex potentially still lives. I say no thanks and when he asks me why and I tell him he reaches across the table ruffles my hair like I'm five and says, "Get over it!"

I felt like saying, "Oh, get over it! Now I get it! All this time, all I had to do was get over it! How easy!"

[Marlee]

So sorry to see so many of us have been invalidated and hurt by such thoughtless comments.

's to all.

-M

[bluefiremama]

It seems to me that people just don't want to believe this it messes up thier clean perfect little boxed world views, or exposes them as purps.

My lawyer...Well I think maybe he is just not one of those guys. (speaking on my soon to be ex). What did you do? Did you fight? try to get away?

I hate this!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Chopsmum]

"Chocolate Cake"

hi

thought I'd add to the list

abusive husband

I couldnt dress prevocatively as he wished I could. It is a trigger to be watched. He then said he couldnt make love to me because I didnt care about how I dressed. I didnt turn him on. I said why? He said "men get turned on by the way you look, if you dont look the goods, we find it hard to get interested. "Its a bit like chocolate cake, you need to look like we want to eat you".

I didnt say anything even though it was hurting during penetration, and the burning was bad. I had trauma as a result. When he pulled out he said, "I didnt know you had your period".

After husband left me in hospital so that he could go on holiday anyway, I asked my brother to intervene in the abuse, he said "I cant it would wreck Christmas". My father laughed when he saw my husband and said, "she wanted me to hit you."

His family, about the rapes, this is what he said that they said to him, "he obviously was unhappy all these years, thats why he raped you". They then dismissed the rapes and now tell my 5 year old that I am a liar.

Edited October 9, 2010 by Chopsmum

[Lyla]

My brother's stupid, freeze dried ex girlfriend. I have never met a dumber person than her.

I was homeless, as a result of my brother and mom's behavior.

I was couch surfing.

My bro's ex gf had a retarded bf who wanted "to kill" my brother, and allegedly after finding out I was his sister, he wanted to make sure I never came over to their place to sleep.

So my bro's freeze dried ex tried to call up my pedo stepdad, and make me go stay there.

when I asked her if she was stupid, or crazy, she replied, "You have no where else to go."

Yeah um, youth shelters. They're everywhere in my neighbourhood, and since Children's Aid didn't consider my last stint of issues at home a problem, any shelter would willingly take me,(and on my own effort, they did take me).

I was appalled that she would try to make me stay with my stepdad, who I had pressed charges against, and told her.

She called me a bitch.

All I can say is what an idiot.

[Forgethim]

My parents love me and I love them. I honor them and I trust them. I don't want to say anything bad. I know they have never experienced what had happened to me. But they love me so much that I was cared for by a doctor who might not even have experience with r*p* victim. For 13yrs, I had never been diagnosed with a medical term, but I have to take as much as 20mg + 40mg of prescribed pills that paralysed my brain and make me sick. He changed the dosage from time to time. I never get to see him for 7 weeks without knowing why. The doctor is professional and kind, but I don't need his help but he never let me go. I know I could cope with it, but they care for me so much that my brain is stuffed every moment for 13 years. You might be thinking that if I ever tell them I feel bad? They just don't let me go and let me cope.

I never know if I am wasting time here. I now don't want to persue legal action either. Why would I bother? for money or for "fame"? Do I get anything back? I don't want to care. If my doctor or my parents see this passage, please please leave me alone!!

I made you lost enough of your dignity. I feel bad for voicing this out. I hope nobody will look down on us and please just let us be part of the community. I have nothing wrong, do you, my family is any strange. We are still normal people, don't feel a bit inferior. We are not!!

We are nothing different. I just feel that I was treated differently. I don't speak word salad, but you think I am crazy. I have no idea where comes this logic!!!

Leave me alone!! I have enough of this. I almost lose trust in medications, in doctors and man. I have enough. I only know that my parents love me so much that I don't know how to give my love.

I will be myself at least I will try to. Please give me some time. I need time.

My friends, thank you for knowing and keeping me company. I know you are so good friends.

I love you all and I will try my best.

I am ok and will live a new life.

[Apophis1]

From my mom: Abused become abusers. Like that's a fact!

Well I guess that she has hurt me the worst.

~Angel

[Cat5]

From my brother: Victims are only victims because that is what they want...the way they want to be treated.

[jlandrith]

From my brother: Victims are only victims because that is what they want...the way they want to be treated.

Wow. That is a stupid comment. Perhaps it sounded smarter in his head. Too bad it escaped...

[astralvigilante]

From my brother: Victims are only victims because that is what they want...the way they want to be treated.

Wow. That is a stupid comment. Perhaps it sounded smarter in his head. Too bad it escaped...

I've been on another site where that was their primary belief and there's a huge article about how being a victim means you aren't trying or something. It was horrific.

[marev]

Oh I know. Why do they do that. It certainly isn't helpful.

[Etheris]

This probably isn't as bad as everyone elses, but after telling an occasionally immature friend that I was sexually abused as a child, he said "Oooh, now I want details".

He turned an interesting shade of yellow-white and apologised at great length after I got pissed and gave him the worst of it, in detail.

I stilll have no idea why he said that.