Top 10 Stupidest Comments

[becky1287]

My brother actually called my cell phone when I was in the Er about to have to rape kit to tell me that if the judge. And jury decided I was lying I'd go to jAil. Just no sensitivity. Ugh

[blondie2002]

That's crazy that he said that.

[painuntold1326]

Mine would have to be from my ex himself. When I confronted him about him sexually, mentally, and somewhat physically abusing me, he was getting more and more angry with me about saying that he had. He said something that I would never be able to get out of my head: "If anyone had known about it, they would have guessed you liked it."

[MMarie]

"He deserves to know that what he did was rape. You have to talk to him about it."

First of all, he KNOWS what he did. How could he NOT know?

And second of all, he doesn't "deserve" anything. Why are we even talking about what HE "deserves" from me?

Edited April 19, 2010 by MMarie

[Amelia]

"Aren't you done with therapy yet?" - a male friend of mine.

"What have you done this time you silly girl" - my mum when I told her my (abusive) marriage was over

"Most of the stories you hear about r**e are made up to sell books, things that bad don't happen" - an old bf

"What the f**k are you crying about now" - my ex-husband when he held me down during sex

[hw726]

my mom said to me today...

"you just need to put all that to rest"

Edited April 26, 2010 by hw726

[BethS]

My boyfriend was HUGELY supportive, but I think "at least it was only 5 or 6 times" and "at least he didn't PROPERLY rape you" were misjudged. Somehow, it doesn't make me feel better that I wasn't "properly" raped. The things he made me do were still horrific.

[Guest JemimaPud]

Ok so it wasn't just a comment it was actions as well. My ex boyfriend used to say that to help me overcome my flashbacks of rape and triggers that he had to work through the motions of what happened physically with me over and over again to help me overcome them.

After leaving him I now know that this has affected me equally as much as the actual incident did. Why on earth would someone who supposedly loves you want to put you through your trauma over and over again under the guise of helping you?

[Jeni]

The best worst comment I ever got was from a counsellor.

I had had a night over constant flashbacks late last year. I was writing my statement for the police and everything was coming up. I was totally convinced that my father was raping me that night and as hard as I tried to remind myself that he was the other side of the world I kept having the flashbacks and I could feel him raping me and I could smell him in the room. I got out of bed and went to make a cup of tea. That didn't really calm me down and still the flashbacks kept coming.

Eventually it got to about 8 am and the statewide sexual assault hotline was open (finally!!!!) so I rang them for help.

I explained to the counsellor on the phone my history - 14 yrs of serious sadistic anal, vaginal and oral rapes by my father. I told her that I was drowning in flashbacks and was terrified. And she said

Oh, you're just missing your abuser. You'd be better if you would just go to your boyfriend and have sex. That'll make you feel better and you won't miss your abuser so much

What the hell!!!!!

1) my father was sadistic and cruel and I fought him every inch of the way for 14 years and I had just told the counsellor this.

2) because of my father I have been totally terrified of men - I'm working on it, truly I am.

and so I don't have a boyfriend because of my father's abuse

and

3) I have been terrified of sex for years. I'm working on this too! I was celibate (read too chicken to find a man and have a relationship let alone sex) for 14 yrs after the abuse ended. Then I had a relationship (to conquer the sex thing - what a p*ss poor reason for dating a guy!) for 9 months and since then I have been celibate for 11 yrs because I am working on my issues with my abuse and not willing to project my abuser or my issues onto some poor guy. BUT at the time of this call I was getting close to going to put myself out there to find my man of steel (read emotionally well put together man) and the response of this so call counsellor really hurt and angered me

I was devastated.

As stupid comments go, it was the worst I have ever heard.

It set me back miles on my journey.

BUT

because I was so distressed that day my mother went looking for support and she found the most amazing support agency ever and they have been really good and supportive since. So I found a silver lining to my cloud, but geez I wish my life wasn't so many clouds. Kinda getting bored with clouds.. need some sunshine and rainbows. Anyone got a rainbow going spare???

[McKenna90]

I was raped and kidnapped by my uncle 10 years ago, and we were having a family outing. My uncle is not part of the family anymore fyi. But my grandma-his mother- was just like "i'm not saying it was your fault but maybe you lead him on. Or flirted with him. He wouldn't just do that out of the blue" Wow i was only 10 years old. How could i lead him on? He was 35 years old. Sighhhh no wonder why i am still having nightmares.

[McKenna90]

My boyfriend was HUGELY supportive, but I think "at least it was only 5 or 6 times" and "at least he didn't PROPERLY rape you" were misjudged. Somehow, it doesn't make me feel better that I wasn't "properly" raped. The things he made me do were still horrific.

Wow girl i am so sorry. I gotten that comment before.

[GakinaAwiiya]

Can I play? Stupid comments I'VE had directed at me:

1. "Why would a guy want to get involved in issues like rape? Are you gay or something?"

2. "If you care so much about rape, you must have been raped."

3. "Men should get more involved in this work" vs. "Men should stay out of it--it's a women's issue!"

4. (upon learning that I work with and befriend Survivors): "I bet you meet some real crazies!"

5. "You're a feminist? But you're a guy!"

6. "So what's it like working with all those man-hating feminists? Ill bet they give you hell!"

7. "If they would just live the way God said, this woulda never happened to them!"

8. "You teach people about domestic violence? Can you teach me how to abuse my wife and get away with it? Haw haw haw!"

9. "Some women just LIKE being abused!"

10. "Rape sure is a terrible thing. But that's what happens when our country loses its family values. Why, the way women dress these days! If we could just return to our traditional values, this wouldn't be such a problem, don't you agree?"

[Garmarna]

I was talking to a friend who knew some of my CSA history and told her how difficult it was to, in my forties, make myself deliberately learn what should have come naturally so many years ago and how it had basically ruined my life and what a struggle it was to learn new ways of living and move ahead. She has always been very social, so I thought she might have some pointers on how to be more outgoing.

She said, "Well, I believe the Lord takes care of that stuff in the next life."

I thought, "You know, that's what I should have told you six months ago when you needed help getting your share of your folks' inheritance when your sister tried to steal your share."

I had found her an attorney, told her what to do, did everything but hold her hand while she cried and whined about how mean and unfair her sister was.

I should have said that.

[Bounty]

I was raped by my now EX Husband and it took a lot for me to tell my therapist about what happened his response 'you need to get out more'.That was the only time we ever spoke about what i went through.

[Jeze]

Wow, these comments are ridiculous. And part of the reason we really need more education on topics such as sexual abuse. You wouldn't think some things need to be spelled out, but apparently they do....

One of the worst I've gotten was in response to telling someone about oral r*pe. Their response:

"Someone can't be orally r*ped, can't you just bite down or close your mouth or something?"

Um, pretty sure if that was an option, I would have done that instead of, you know, being abused. Idiot.

[wabranzo]

I finally had to tell that I had been gang rapes and the youth group leader that took me home looked at me and said things are going to be really different now ! Like how in the hell would he know I have lived with this since I was 5, rape was nothing new to me. Thats all he said to me not if I was ok nothing kust that things were going to be different. This was the same couple who spread the rumors that I wss lying Ijust wanted attention they literally said (the youth group leaders) Why would anyone rape her ! OH sure I was the unpopular chunky kid why would anyone hurt me as I write this it still hurts no wonder I would have rathered kept my mouth shut !!! its so sad

[jlandrith]

I've heard my share of stupid things since getting involved in survivor advocacy. Some of my (least) favorites are below:

1. From the Knuckle-Dragging, Beta Male Wannabes: "You were raped by a woman? Dude, I'd pay to have that happen to me!" Usually followed by, "was she hot?"

2. From the I Failed Biology 101 Coalition: "Come on, a man wouldn't get an erection if he didn't want it."

3. From the Close-minded Stereotypers Pretending to Be Feminists Gallery: "Women don't do that, rape is a crime committed by men against women."

4. From the I've Never Been Traumatized Personally, But I'm an Expert Just the Same Federation: "If you focused on the positive things in life, instead of dwelling on this icky stuff you'd get over it." This is often substituted with, "it has been XXX years, how long are you gonna let it bother you?"

5. And finally, from the I Have A Magic Calculator that Can Assign Objective Values and Hierarchies to Human Suffering Committee: "Others have been through worse, what makes your little problem so special?"

I could go on for a while longer, but I think the sarcasm is dripping enough as is now.

[Kathleen]

After one of my cousins molested me I told my mom...to which I got the response: "Well did you say no?" ...yes mom... "well did you say NO?"

...Hey, did you know that if you say 'no' more angrily it means that you mean it more?

Later in the conversation she blamed what happened to me on what I was wearing..."You know, you walk around here in your little shorts and little tank tops"...

...a few things...1~It was August...I guess I should have been wearing a wool sweater...2~He was my cousin...3~I could have been stark raving naked and he still had no right...

During another conversation regarding another molestation by another cousin my mom asked me if I had told my friend (this friend went to the same high school as the prick) When I told her that I hadn't told my friend (a lie) she responded "well good, because do you have any idea what you could have done to his reputation?"

...because I'm really worried about his reputation...well to update...this was 12 years ago...and let me tell you, THANK GOD no one found out about what he did to me because his reputation is just sparkling...he has lost his licence more than 3 times for years at a time and most recently, right after he got the state mandated breathalizer taken out of his car, he got drunk behind the wheel and decided to try and out run a cop...and ended up in a tree...(i remember everyone in my family was devastated and praying he'd be ok...I did not pray.) He's fine health wise although he did spend Christmas in the ICU...I'm looking forward to June when he goes to court...and more than likely gets jail time...each time he screws up and gets caught it's like a little drop of heavely karma

[kraut]

I told a friend my story and she responded, "Why didn't you just kick him in the balls?"

[Cat5]

I had been seeing this guy, I'll call him J... (and yes we'd been engaging in oral sex up to that point because of birth control issues), and we had plans for the weekend...we were gonna have vaginal sex because the birth control issues were handled, I had a big dinner planned and I was going to cook for him...and I was going to tell J what happened to me -- that I'd been repeatedly raped by a boyfriend I had lived with, who I will call him. After dinner, J dropped me off and was acting weird about our plans for the weekend, so I called him later that night. That's when J told me he didn't want to see me anymore. I was devastated, but not as much when, he said, "I think you've been raped...maybe more than once...and that's a lot to deal with." I asked him why he thought that and he said he'd picked up on a few things I'd said.

Why would J say something like that? There wasn't any need...J had already broke up with me and I'd accepted it. What was the point?

To make matters worse, I have been raped more than once -- two times I'd never told anyone about until I told my therapist after J's comments -- and repeatedly by A, who would also drug me and let people rape me for drugs and money. A would repeatedly tell me that no man would ever love me or want to be with once they knew what he (A) had done to me, and that I had nothing to offer a man but sex.

That's why I ended up going back to my therapist, J's words triggered my PTSD, and I started having nightmares, flashbacks and anxiety issues.

Edited June 9, 2010 by Cat5

[Cat5]

Not sure if this belongs here, but didn't know where else to put it. My brother texted me this today:

Him: H told me that studies have shown that nine out of ten people enjoy gang rapes...

I responded with are you freaking kidding me...

Him: It's a freaking joke you moron. The one out of ten is the victim...rolflmmfao

He, like the rest of my family and most of my friends, don't know that I was gang raped...geez, I wonder why I didn't tell them...

[theycallmekitty]

I disclosed to a group of guys (they'd been making rape jokes towards me and I felt comfortable enough with them to tell them WHY they needed to stop and WHY they weren't funny) and one of them said, "My girlfriend was raped, I know how you feel." Really? My brother has testicular cancer but I don't know how HE feels.

--kitty

[bearsfan89]

so i think someof the most stupidest comments are "she was promiscuous so she didnt fight, she was never raped" or "she dresses a certain way so she had it comming"these really bother me, these myths are what kept me from reporting both rapes..wish i wouldve done diffrently

[elif]

my top stupid comment award goes to my mother.

me: of course my father is denying everything, that's the classical behaviour of a perpetrator

my mother: no, no, in contrary, he is talking very openly about it

talking openly about WHAT? he claims that I must've understood something wrong. yeah, he talks openly about THAT.

me: I think it started when I was three.

my mother: no, it can't have started at three because I never left your side until that age. it must have started when you were four.

oh yeah, sorry mum I forgot, when you're four you can already give consent so it makes a huge difference if I was three or four years old...

my mother: but how can he have abused you, he was working all the time, he was hardly at home

well, let me remind you that we shared the same household for eighteen years. even if you work much and don't sleep at home every night this still leaves a lot of time for it...

it's amazing how people who usually are emotionally quite intelligent can believe themselves when they say things like that...

[purplelikeme]

I don't know if people just honestly don't know what to say and so they start spurting off nonsense or if I just have a bad habit of choosing really stupid friends, but I've heard a lot of outrageous things.

"Did the two of you have sex earlier that evening? If you did, maybe he thought the first yes was good for the whole night."

"What? You were in his bed? You gave consent just by being there. It doesn't matter what you said."

"You're a really nice girl. Someday you'll find a good guy, and he will treat you right."

"Chill out."

"You're a little bit mentally unstable right now. I mean, you're not secure or confident, and you have trust issues. You're scared out of your mind in your own bedroom." (Yeah, it's called rape-response ptsd.)

"Don't you know that I wouldn't hurt you like that? I mean, sure, I hurt you really bad emotionally, but I would never physically attack you or anything like he did." (Oh, good to know that I shouldn't expect it from you. Because I TOTALLY expected it from my attacker. And yeah, you're so trustworthy.)

"Well, sorry, but I don't have any intention of leaving Bartlesville any time soon." (After I told my best friend that I was hurting a lot and wished that we lived closer to each other.)

"Are you sure you aren't just upset that he broke up with you and blowing it out of proportion?"

"Well, if it really was rape, then you should have reported it to the police."

The worst, though, is when someone finds out and then suddenly disappears off the face of the earth. Maybe they just don't know what to say, so they ignore me to avoid the awkwardness. But all I really want is someone to offer to stay the night with me so I can sleep safely, someone to call me once in a while and say, "Hey, how are you doing? Are you okay? Do you need anything?" I just feel so alone.