Top 10 Stupidest Comments

[halo]

By a "friend":

"What was it but an an unpleasant physical experience?"

[MatthewJ123]

why do people insist on saying stupid shit to us all day? really...

[GirlABroderick]

Special mention goes to the many bad victim's advocates and counselors, because they are supposed to care about you personally. Even if, for practicality's sake, good police and prosecutors are more important, a bad VA is worse emotionally.

Here are some of my favorites:

"Honey, you didn't suffer like those people."(when I had been molested but not yet raped)

"This hotline is only for people who've been raped tonight."

"I've never had a caller who swore as much as you."

"Don't talk about the details of the rape."

"We can't counsel you. You have too many problems."

"The group is only twice a year."(meaning they only formed new groups twice a year, but leading me to believe that they only met in person twice a year, so I didn't bother to sign up)

"Well, I guess we can let you join late, since you had to visit your father after his heart attack."

[Blessed1984]

I have two idiotic things that stand out to me the most:

1.While in hospital for PTSD reaction/ Su*cidal Ideation

"I know horrible things happened to you but that was a long time ago and you have your whole future ahead of you. You wouldn't want to let this ruin that so now it's time to move on. The past is in the past, you can't dwell on it forever." by psychiatrist who was supposed to help me.

My all time most annoying comment - said by intake nurse at hospital immediately following my assault simply because I wasn't sure I wanted to file a report but I was suffering from injuries from the assault and this is the only hospital around for 45 miles:

2. "Look, you have two options here; you can either give me the address where this happened so I can make the report or you can find somewhere else to treat you." I was therefore forced to give a false address.

Jen

Edited May 18, 2009 by Blessed1984

[blondie2002]

that's crazy Jen.

[ameis]

from my mom, the following day of the R I told her what had happened..

her one and only response... "Did he use a condom?"

[allthatglitters]

My (female) friend, jokingly, at dinner today: "What are you gonna, do, rape me?"

Me: "Uh... no... I wouldn't do that."

She KNOWS what happened to me. Ugh. Then after dinner, I was getting off the elevator and another (male) friend stuck out his leg to stop me from leaving and said, "let's go for a ride" in a really creepy voice. It's not his fault, he was just joking and he doesn't know, but I'm MAJORLY triggered by people using their legs to block me from moving.

It was a bit of a rough evening.

[Dream_Msty]

How bout this one. This is after I said I couldn't tell the child workers people:

'...guess you blew that chance...'

Stupidity lol

[bettylou]

the first time i reached out:

sex after marriage is the best.Keeping away from people who love female body for pleasure is very important.

he was supose to be a conculer, he dident even anser the question i asked; im only 20

b

[Artemis]

This one was by my boyfriend - or ex, I don't know what he was at that point technically because that was the night he broke up with me.

I had been crying and trying to tell him what was wrong (he kept asking and I kind of thought I hadn't any choice but telling him) for about an hour before I could get out that I was raped again recently (he knew about the old stuff) and that I thought it was starting to catch up with me.

His first question was "did you report it?" and he became totally angry and pissed off when I told him I wouldn't and he insisted I had to (plus tell someone else and yada yada) - anger really scares me, especially as it was clearly directed at *me" - and then he came out with this gem:

"This is why women are not respected as much as men"

This clearly is a stupid comment- but it seems much, much more stupid if the person who made the comment tells you not even half an hour later that they have been abused by a priest as a child and that (him being 33 years old) I am the FIRST person he ever TOLD... wtf??? I was nice enough not to point how just how much he was contradicting himself...

Actually, the breakup is killing me, but when I think back to that convo I actually believe that it'thats for the best really- and I am REALLY glad that I didn't tell him about the recent rape before.... had I done that expecting support or compassion or something it would have done a lot of damage...

[Angel_Kitty]

A girl I know said this when I was taking about someone abusive...

"Well you lead him on, your with him like 24/7"

[Aileen]

My boss today when I told her:

"Was it an unexpected attack?"

WTF??

[topcat]

Ok, one counsellor told me i had to "feel sorry for the guy that assaulted me, as he must have been deprived somewhere"

and

after explaining why I felt uncomfortable doing certain things to someone i was seeing at the time "I feel like the victim, not you"

[mockingbird]

"It's not rape - it's surprise sex!" - A facebook group joking about rape...

[Opheliac]

I rang a rape crisis line. I started by telling her that I was numb and live my life as if the rape never happened. I went into detail on what had happened when I was raped.

Part way through she stopped me and said "You should stop telling me what he has been doing to you. I want to know how your feeling. How is this effecting your life?"

My response in my mind was WTF I already told you that I put a facade on my being when I am in public and act like nothing happened. I was still in shock on what Justin has done to me and need to tell someone the details.

(I am one of these people that when asked to recount something I do it like a story and recount every minute detail).

[ChaosRains]

This a good? one. Maybe I can get her out of my head this way...

I have chronic ptsd, bi-polar, social phobias big time... and abdominal migraines. My mom triggered me into one about a month ago. I puke violently from 24hrs to 4 days. She forced me into a conversation about two of our 3 family child molesters. Just makes me sick to hear about their normal lives while I am the one who just can't get along.

Then last week from my mother..."I don't want to say anything to upset you..." Then she talked about what I was doing wrong with my zucchini plants out in my garden. WTF!!! My zucchini have never molested or abused any children. And the zucchini are going to upset me so much I end up in the hospital?

Thanks, maybe getting it out to someone who understands these things will help.

So sorry for all your suffering. I feel for you all.

deb

[afriend]

oh, I forgot the classic one (this bugs me in any case, but especially this one):<p>God does everything for a reason -and- He'll never give you more than you can handle.<p>as if that's supposed to make everything all better...

[astralvigilante]

My personal top ten:

May be triggering

In no particular order

1.) "Well most rape is just a misunderstanding that happens when girls wear short skirts" - a friend.

2.) "Here, not this time..." - my rapist on whether or not I should worry about what she might do to me today.

3.) "So why don't you just go and kill someone?" - my old psychologist when I told him I was angry at women in general because of my rapist.

4.) "Well maybe not now, but surely someday," - my old psychologist when I asked if anybody would miss me if I died.

5.) "I think you're really attracted to this rape victim persona you have. It can be really sexy to be overpowered by passion." - my current psychiatrist who I'm ditching.

6.) "She didn't rape you because the legal definition of rape is that it has to be a man." - some guy.

7.) "I think you'll do her consensually someday," - my friend on my relationship with my rapist.

8.) "I believe that you THINK you were raped," - my mom when I told her.

9.) "She's too stupid to actually rape someone," - my dad when I told him.

10.) "Yeah well I got over it," - my rapist's first victim on how rape survivors don't really need support.

[victoria21]

First counselor about my CSA - "You shouldn't talk about that, those are really serious allegations and they are probably false memories." - This was the same counselor who didn't even seem to notice I was in an abusive relationship being r**** and almost killed at the same time.

Excuse my language but HOLY FUCK SilentFight! I am so sorry that happened to you, that is disgusting and so awful! I think I may have thrown up!

[Kadie]

My last ex (though one of the sweetest and most understanding men ever) when I told him i was thinking about going to T:<p>"I don't know if a therapy will help...what you really need is a boyfriend who will help you forget this"<p>

But to get back to the Top 10 part I think Lea's therapist definitely is number one<p>That's the solution girls (and boys...yep Troy, posting in this thread means you have to get out the needles too)...let's all start knitting...not only will that erase all our problems, we could also knit something useful...like a brain for people in desperate need of one <p>Art *heading off to buy needles and wool*

<p>(Edited by ArTeMiS at 8:04 pm on July 2, 2002)

I am knitter (and proud of it thank you very much) and it really doesn't help me. Yeah it may distract me but in the end I still have my memories and whatever cute thing I just made.

[pacific]

My uncle who knew I'd been violently attacked (strangled) and r'd while bush walking (political r in Southern Africa) once said "it would be kinder to kill a rape victim than to leave them living" - wtf?! Who the hell was he to decide I'd be better off dead - especially when I'd given everything to stay alive that day!

Idiot

[Heather4]

Me: Some people would call what he did date rape (trying to ease onto the topic)

Emily: Oh, a lot of my friends have been through that. (Then she continued talking about how much she missed her ex as I tried not to stab her with my fork in the middle of, yes, a Chinese restaurant.)

We’re not friends anymore. I decided to slowly go our separate ways after that.

One friend seems to think that if he calls me beautiful enough, my eating disorder will go away, but he’s helpful most of the time.

After telling my best friend about my ED:

Max: Have you eaten dinner tonight?

Me: No

Max: Here, I’ll make you dinner. What do you want?

Me: Nothing. I don’t want anything. I said I’m working on it.

Max: Here, I’ll make you a tuna sandwich. You’ll want it when you see it.

Me: You don’t understand. Food doesn’t look good to me. I won’t want it.

Max: I’ll make you the most delicious sandwich you’ve ever had. You’ll want it. (going on and on about how delicious it is.)

The same best friend was also a friend with benefits until I realized I had been raped a year previous and suddenly went frigid. He tried something on me one day which ended with me crying in a freezing cold shower and then screaming at him. He later said that he thought that if I could have sex with him, that would mean I’d be better and over it. A few days later, I explained to him about PTSD and how I’ll never really be completely better. *sigh* He means well and he usually understands.

Friend after I hinted that G and I didn’t have consensual sex: I won’t deny that alcohol wasn’t involved.

Duh, really? Didn’t I just say I was only partially conscious from drinking way too much?

I told a now ex-friend when I got accidentally drunk (I didn’t realize how strong my drink is and hate being drunk.) He insisted that my guy issues aren’t because I was in an abusive relationship when I was 17 or because I was raped, but that it is because my dad wasn’t around much when I was younger.

I hate when I hear people say “It’s not rape if you say surprise!” Ugh! Rape jokes are not funny!

Or something along the lines of “This store is a*a**y r**ing me with their prices." That is a horrible thing for anyone to say and there’s no reason for it.

Here’s a positive one that I love…

Me: What do you think about all of this?

My mom: I’d like to ring Greg’s f****** neck! (as her face turned red)

Go Mom! I love her.

[wabranzo]

the one that gets me is when I finally told that I was gang raped everyone said well we didn't see you with anyone and why would they do that they could have anyone. How dare they say that to me I will never understand not one person was there or offered support only questions and the talk behind my back that I was lying I just wanted attention.

[Louise]

"Well, he hasn't done anything to me."

Translate: "I reckon he's alright so I don't give a shit what he did to you."

[Angla]

when trying to explain to a friend/family why I cant have Sex due to rapes and csa:

"oh well u know you gotta get back in the saddle and ride that horse- practice makes perfect and kids dont come without it!"

Yeah thanks i didnt know that.

or- why cant you just get over that?- it happen so long time ago- im sure THEY (being csa and rapists) have moved on!!!