Jes

Top 10 Stupidest Comments

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My boyfriend (the one who is normally really supportive and cool)today said to me, "I don't think that is an appropriate shirt for a rape survivor to wear."  

My response was..."Oh, thank you for pointing that out to me.  I usually ask myself a series of questions before I get dressed, and one of them is "Can a rape survivor wear this?"  I forgot my head when I bought the shirt, honey.  I'll be sure to dress more appropriately for my survivor status now.  MORON!"

So what is the stupidest comment made to you and your response?

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I was meeting my mates to go out clubing and went out with a short skirt and little boob tube on.....
Friend: Do you think you should be wearing that.
Me: Why?
Friend: Well people wont believe you are a rape victim if you look like that.
Me: Well I wasnt planning on shouting from the roof tops "IVE BEEN RAPED". And what the fuck gives you the right to call me a victim. Ill wear what I want when I want thanks.
Friend: Well i think you need to get changed.
Me: Well i think you need to go shove your head up your arse. Oh sorry its already there.

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This is great. Where to begin?

A psychiatrist to me after a second suicide attempt:  'You need to take up a hobby. Like knitting'.  (!!!).

Love Lea.

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Jes, i am sorry I have to agree that is a totally moronic Comment.

xxx

lisa

(Edited by gadgetgirl at 2:58 pm on June 30, 2002)

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JES!                                                                                                                      I would tell him to shut up because you can wear what ever you want to. It doesn't matter what we wear or what we do. I'm sorry that he told you that. take care.                                                                                                               (((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))    


(Edited by ANIMALBEARS at 11:52 pm on June 30, 2002)

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I would have been mad too. Actualy, I probably would have punched him or something, but *(whistles)* I'm kinda teritorial when it comes to guys... (not all, just, ya know, I feel weird around them)

-Tears

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actualy, away from what you're wearing on comments.

I'm kinda, ya know, touchy touchy (oooo touchy!!) with some of my girlfriends, and a few of my boyfriends.

------------------
Friend: you shouldn't act like that.
Me: why?
Friend: cus you look like a slut.
Me: so I'm not suposed to be able to have fun with my boyfriend?
Friend: you just don't seem like you could be someone who's been raped.
------------------

(ooo, I was pissed..... I wanted to just shoot him for that...)

(Edited by BleedingTears at 7:19 pm on June 30, 2002)

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Why don't we just wear towels over our face so no one will know we are female.


Nat

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The stupidest comment I can remember was from a psychologist I saw when I first started to remember the abuse... I tried really hard to explain to her how depressed and out of control I was... Her response to me was:

"I don't understand why you think you're so depressed and suicidal - Depressed people don't wear make-up so I don't believe you can be all THAT depressed"... "Why not go and buy some pretty paper-clips to make yourself feel better"...

WTF????  :shocked: :shocked:

The really stupid thing is I kept on seeing her until I really did "lose it" and I landed myself in a psych hospital for almost two months where I learned that make-up can be a mask for a lot of things, not instant "happiness...

Great post... :)

Mouseisa

(Edited by mouseisa at 5:32 pm on July 2, 2002)

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Cripes,,,,,,,, How belittleing that comment was to you Jes.  He needs to think about what hes' wearing then......

(((((Jes))))))))))))

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I dated the same guy all through high school and he was the first person I confided in. He's also the reason I didn't disclose to anyone else until 6 mo. ago(15 yrs. later).
He was telling me about how he attended a church youth group when he was 15 and asked the youth leader what a wet dream was. I made the mistake of giggling about a 15 yr. old guy not already knowing what it was and I guess it angered him. "Well, I didn't have a nice uncle to teach me things like you did."
Ouch.

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This was a very good idea for a post.

"A psychiatrist to me after a second suicide attempt:  'You need to take up a hobby. Like knitting'.  (!!!)."

Lea, that one floored me.  It is so stupid, I couldn't help but laugh.  I really have to ask, what did you say?

Jes when you said:

My response was..."Oh, thank you for pointing that out to me.  I usually ask myself a series of questions before I get dressed, and one of them is "Can a rape survivor wear this?"  I forgot my head when I bought the shirt, honey.  I'll be sure to dress more appropriately for my survivor status now.  MORON!"

I just wanted to say I loved how you delt with the situaion.

mouseisa,

Hon the only thing I can say is hugs to you.  Some people just don't have a clue, makes you wonder how many others she may have messed up with that kind of talk.
------------------------------------------------------------
Mine would be my mothers statement, "You must have mis- understood the situation."  

How can you misunderstand someone asking you to show your private areas?  How can you miss understand someone holding you down when you don't want to be there.?  How can you miss understand, that a threat was made not to tell because nobody will believe?  I mean I told her and this was the responce?

And because of the above, I now get to hear my sister say, "You don't act like someone that was sexually abused  by him, cause you still attended family events were he was, and never said a word."  Duh, when I tried to say a word, I wasn't believed.  So why am I going to bring it up at every family event, so I can hear people tell me this again?

Safe hugs,
Mother

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Mhh ((((Jes)))) should we enroll your bf in the list of people who will profit from the Pandy fund for buying brains?

One of my favourite moronic comments would be this:

My mother (when I told her I was probably going to see my bf in France) "Can't you take someone with you? I would not like to to travel alone and perhaps get raped on your way"
That was some months after I told her I had been raped and she did not believe me...no comment

Art

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These comments are the exact things I am afraid of, which is why I haven't told very many people... I'm sorry you all have to deal with such stupid people. They really can be insensitive sometimes, huh?

flautist

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((Mother))  ((from Lea))

I didn't say anything hon. I just stared at him.

I guess these comments were the seeds of my thinking  'god, I can't wait until I'm a writer and I can write about people like you'.

And to think these psychiatrists are in the care of the vulnerable....I could do a better job myself.  (sorry about your mothers comments, they really do not think, do they?

 Love Lea.

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Ah yes, Jesela. Not only must rape victims dress like nuns; those who counsel them must also set the example of doing so. My first rape counsellor was an absolutely physically beautiful woman, and one day she had on bike-shorts and a cute little T-shirt with a seductively posed Betty Boop on it. She told me the kiosk lady had informed her that her gear wasn't terribly appropriate for a rape counsellor.

For fucks sake! Babe, give Bill's ears a twist and tell him it's from down under, will you?

Stupidity I have heard: Confucius say "no such things as rape. Woman run faster with skirt up than man with trousers down".

Lou say "you are a fuckhead in sore need of an education". Such cliches are almost boring to have to respond to; they are so tired, so moronic.

((((((((Hugs all)))))))))))))

Lou xxxxxx

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((((((ms cht))))) can I tell you how disgusted and infuriated I am by what was said to you? That is beyond stupid, that is ugly.

And yes (((((Art))))) isn't it infuriating to get comments from people who've been told you were raped, but they act like they don't have that information?

L xxxx

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Unfortunately the stupidest (and most hurtful) thing came from my very own mother, when she said to me, almost a year after, of finding out that my father abused me was;

"I hope you're not here to talk about that, (meaning the abuse) because your father doesn't remember any of it happening, but, I'm not saying I don't believe you, because I know YOU believe what you're saying".

Essentially she believes me to be a big fat liar, and my father to be wrongly accused by her psychotic daughter.

I haven't spoken directly to her since.

Liadan

(Edited by liadan at 11:19 pm on July 1, 2002)

(Edited by liadan at 11:36 pm on July 1, 2002)

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well i was in my health class 2 yrs ago(my freshman yr)....b4 anyone knew anything about all this and we were discussing date rape and sexuality all that fun stuff u learn freshman yr of high school.  So any way ill never forget this one stupid boy stands up  in the front of class durning this presentation he was giving and says...."In conclusion if people didnt want to be r*ped they shouldnt wear certain things....they are asking for it.  And by saying certain things girls give guys the RIGHT to do things to them....no is never a good answer."  um....yea HELLO!!!!!! and the sad thing is people were clapping...and even the teacher (but she was just being polite cuz she was really angry) i could have swore that with the smoke coming off of my head the fire alarm would have sounded off.

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Once a counselor in a clinic i was in who knew a little said:
'How were u dressed?'
'Had u been drinking?
"Why didn't u fight?'

like when i am drunk anyone can do whatever he wants?

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Ok, I need to answer to that one to let some anger go out. This was the first comment of my mother after I told her that I've been abused by years by my uncle when I was younger and that I was doing a depression because of it :"Why you don't do your depression during summer time while you are in the USA with your friends?". Ok, mom, next time I will ask you when I can plan to be abused and do a depression about it to see if this is ok with you ...

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(( Liadan ))

I accused my dad of abusing me (probably not a good idea at the dinner table), all #### breaks loose (plates sliding, chairs crashing over, the usual sort of thing when two people are trying to hit each other over steak and chips), we roll on the floor and I get a punch smack in the middle of my nose, which begins to bleed furiously.

My mother to me: ' you're your own worst enemy love'.

?!!!

Love  Lea.

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Alexandra hugs hon.  It is funny how people really think you can always control you depressive episodes isn't it?

Around this past holiday season between Holloween and Christmas I sunk really low.  For the first time I even had a few thoughts of suicide (only I was too depressed to even carry out a plain because when I am depressed I often withdrawl and sleep away life.)  

Well my sister, out of "concern" for my children, decided to call a family meeting and inform me that she would be taking my kids if I didn't snap out of it.  

While the meeting did prompt me to seek help, she constantly complained that I was not comming out of it fast enough.  

She has no tolerence for depression which is funny when you think about the fact that every member of my family is on depression medication (chemical imbalance in our family history).  

Granted my episodes have been more extreame but, she didn't have all the same bad experiences.  To her depression is a character flaw.

Hugs again,
Mother

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on explaining to my friend that i was bringing up repressed memories of CSA:

"you sound just like a cliche."

(or should i say, FORMER friend).

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Oh another one...this time from my little sister (who doesn't know about me though...I had planned on telling her the weekend before she made that comment...needless to say, I didn't do it then :oP)

A little explanation before: She's 18 and when her boyfriend visits, my parents still make them sleep in different rooms (I know, crazy, they were not that weird ehen I was living there and making sure they used their brains :oP)
Anyway, I was telling her to please get on the pill as some weeks ago their condom broke and I jokingly asked "How would you explain to Ma that you got pregnant sleeping in different rooms?" to which she replied:
"Oh I could just say I have been raped"

Yeppers girl, this is exactly the kind of thing you "just say"...though I am glad she doesn't have to know better...

Art

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