54 posts in this topic


Do I think offender can be rehabilitated?


I was raped in high school by my boyfriend and his best friend. I never reported it. It was a horrific ordeal that tooks me years to come to terms with and destroyed just about every relationship I ever had. I joined the Army to get away from it all and I was terrified to come back to my home town after I got out of the Army. But after a 4 years of being away, I came back.

One of the guys had left town, in college or something, I dont really give a crap about him, this isn't about him. The other guy (the best friend) was still here. I would see him around town. He couldn't look me in the eye. He looked ashamed.

I was at the park one day with my son and he was there, he was with his daughter. And my son and his daughter were playing together.

He came over to me, sat down next to me and said "I know this doesn't mean much after all this time, but I'm sorry for what I did. I was stupid and I should have gone to jail, but you didnt tell anyone. I wish I could take it back. I know you hate me, I know that I shouldn't even be sitting here talking to you, and I dont deserve your forgiveness. I just wanted you to know that I regret it every day."

We were 16 years old when it happen, 6 years later I forgave him.

You know what, I have been hoping and praying that would happen to me someday ever since it happened. He was my boyfriend and I truly don't believe that he KNEW that what he was doing was rape. I think he truly saw it as him expressing his love for me. But apologies go a super long way for me. They always have.

As for the question at hand, no, I do not believe that rapists can be rehabilitated.

Less than a month after I got away from my rapist, he raped one of my close friends.

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Posted (edited)

Who cares? Just throw them in general prison population and let what happens happen. I really don't understand why theres no death penalty for this stuff.

Edited by BehindTheWall

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I can't speak about rapists, that's outside of my experience.

As far as pedophiles are concerned, there is treatment and control (limited) but NO REHABILITATION. Pedophilia is INCURABLE.

And from what I understand, this has been proven in studies.

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Rehabilitation is possible if not probable. In other words, female perpetraitors tend not to re-offend as much as male victims, and they are that. Typically, they have been abused as well. Why men tend to repeat probably goes to society and the surpressing of male emotions, whereas females can express and perhaps realize they are repeating the cylce they experienced, more readily. I have never raped anyone, nor would I, but I am a human being who has sinned and done things people would consider disgusting only to change. Change is possible and real, just as God is in my opinion. I know there is a lot of pain on this board and others of this type, but as survivors you can get to a place of forgiveness and let go of the anger. As long as you stay angry and immobilized, the perp wins and that must be avoided at all costs. I wrote a biography about siblings who were molested and I consider them champions, because they have survived and forgiven; they have moved on with their lives. It's called No Ordinary Lady and available on create space or kindle if anyone is interested. At my lowest point in life, I don't understand why I did some things I have done, unless it was to learn a lesson that this could happen to anyone. Be angry for a while, but don't let it or any act a "sick" person has done to you retard your personal growth-that may or may not have been the goal. Regardless in life we must never give up the fight no matter how tough or what we have been through. Sometimes family and friends don't understand and they want to blame the victims which is a real shame. But as people, we all have shortcomings. Therapy does work if you put the effort in. No child should take credit for what an adult does. People have often taken out their frustrations on family, which isn't right. There are no perfect human beings. But I honestly applaud all of you and pray that you continue to be the champions you are. Never give up. There are people who do recover and live wonderful lives. Anger prevents, forgiveness opens doors. Do whatever it takes...If there is one person who has then you can. If you feel unsure, do what it takes to become assured. There are martial arts classes, yoga, therapy, and on and on. Turn over every stone because you deserve it. God bless all of you.

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