Guest

Who Deserves to Be Here?

84 posts in this topic

Great post... very reassuring.  Good to feel there's a place to belong to.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
You're right, I just wanted to agree.  I deserve to be here and so does everyone else whose been violated in any of these fashions.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Boosting this, months after the last post... because I know that it helped me a lot.  An awful lot.  Thank you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Hi all,
I just wanted to say thank you for this topic. i wasn't too sure if i belonged here. what happened to me pales in comparison to some others. but i'm glad to know that i'm welcome!
thank you so much,
(((safe hugs)))
Shayna  :bee:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I'm new here and this is the first post I opened.  I felt imediate relief.  thanks

learning

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I wanted to boost and add something for a friend-of-a-friend...

If you are still with the guy, you deserve to be here.

If it started out consensual, and you said no afterwards, you deserve to be here.

And, it's not your fault.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
i need to hear this right now.. i am always seeking validation of what happend, reassurance that i didnt just imagine it.. ty so very much

melissa

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
[quote name='SweetSangria' date='Jan. 16 2004, 6:32 am']i need to hear this right now.. i am always seeking validation of what happend, reassurance that i didnt just imagine it[/quote]

Amen, sister.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
This is a really great post! So many reassuring voices!  The words we use seem so strange.  Who "deserves" to be here.  Makes Pandy's sound like some type of elite club.  Mistral said it very well though, if you were hurt in any way by your/a friend's experiance you sould be here.  I don't think it's that we deserve to be here so much as we need to be here.  I highly recommend takeing advantage of this place, it's an incredible community of incredibly strong people.  Lots of love to everyone in their recovery!   :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Thank you for posting this. The most common thing that I have heard, and said, that what happened to me wasn't as bad as what other people have had to go through.I think everyone wants to see it that way, regardless of the circumstances. It is comforting to have people tell me that I have as much right to be here as anyone else.

many hugs,
Amanda

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I just found this forum and don't know where to start. Sorry if I'm in the wrong spot... I need some closure on an incident that happened several months ago. I need to know, "Was I raped?" I had a boyfriend living with me and when things started looking bad, I asked him to leave. He refused. I am an abuse survivor (the whole works of abuse) and am afraid of confrontation with men, so I didn't force him out. One night, I arrived home around 2am after doing a 16 hour shift at work and he wanted s*x. I said no several times. Then he started groping me. I told him to stop. He kept touching me. I asked him for more than an hour to leave me alone before I gave in...for the sake of finally getting some much needed sleep. At this point, I was due back into work in only 4 hours. My brain was mostly mush and my body couldn't fight him any longer. I felt violated the next day and had a miserable time at work. I can't shake the feeling that this was rape but the one person I told seems to think maybe it wasn't because I gave in. Any thoughts are much appreciated. Thanks. Kayt

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
:down:
Like so many people who have written on this thread, I have been struggling since I found your site about a month ago to believe that I would be accepted here. I was worried that people would say I don't belong here because I didn't feel that I deserved to be here. I am so relieved to see this thread and to know that I will be welcomed here. This site has already helped me when I was very down, and someone had great ideas for what to do to calm yourself. I found one that got me through a difficult time in the last couple of weeks.
Thanks and I hope I can be supportive to others in the coming months/years(?) as we all work through this horrible stuff together.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
[quote name=',Jul 7 2001, 03:09 PM']<font color='#000000'>*T* for those words.<p>I see so many people questioning Do I Deserve to Be Here?  Let's settle this.<p>If someone has sexually assaulted you, you deserve to be here.  <p>If it was attempted rape, you deserve to be here.  <p>If it wasn't rape, if it was unwanted and inappropriate touching, you deserve to be here.<p>If you are a man who has been sexually assaulted, you deserve to be here.<p>If it happened ten or twenty or thirty years ago, you deserve to be here.<p>If it was incest, you deserve to be here.<p>If you barely remember it, you deserve to be here.<p>If you were sexually harrassed, you deserve to be here.<p>If you are someone who supports, you deserve to be here.<p>That's all there is to it.  <p>I've seen a few people who have the feelings that their rape was not a particularly "bad rape".  My rape was not a particularly violent rape I was only concious of being raped for about one second and when I realized I was being raped, my boyfriend handed my rapists ass to him.  My rapist was the only one who got hurt.  <p>It didn't make any difference to me.  I had still been raped.  It still hurt on the inside.  I deserve to be here.<p>The degree of the rape, abuse, assault doesn't matter.  We feel many of the same feelings.  And we all deserve to be here and to help and to be helped.<p>I think that everyone will agree with me, so I'll get off my soap box now.<p>Thanks for reading.<p>Mistral
Mistral is now Jes</font>
[right][snapback]17045[/snapback][/right][/quote]
hey,
this is the nth time im sendin a post to this thing...................and gueess wat ? still no reply....................im new here and obviously hav kinda a prob!!! i tried givin up so damn long ago..........but shit here iam AGAIN typin somethin. this time ur the unlucky one!!! just picked out urs after readin this post of urs...i donno if im in the right place...............im tryin this out attempting self therapy.............like some others here i havent really spoken abt this with nyone else.!!! so thought ill try this................
Meredith

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Serendipity strikes again. I'm so glad this came to the top today-- I've been starting on a huge "it wasn't that bad, I don't deserve help for *that*, I should be over that" trip. It's reassuring to know that, yes, I do belong here.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
This is an old topic but it's been important to me. I've been wondering often whether I actually deserve to be here or think that I'm a victim and survivor of sexual violence. I've thought that my case isn't serious because I wasn't actually raped, I was just hurt and sexually abused other way in a relationship. But the first posts in this topic made it clear that I am a victim too and deserve to be here. Thank you for creating this topic.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I'm boosting this back up because it's an important topic.
For anyone who doubts or second guesses if what happened to them (or someone close to them)...
I'm glad this reassuring thread exists.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I'm boosting this as well. It can't be said often enough... this is an awesome thread :thumbsup:

[quote]I see so many people questioning Do I Deserve to Be Here?  Let's settle this.

"If someone has sexually assaulted you, you deserve to be here. 

If it was attempted rape, you deserve to be here. 

If it wasn't rape, if it was unwanted and inappropriate touching, you deserve to be here.

If you are a man who has been sexually assaulted, you deserve to be here.

If it happened ten or twenty or thirty years ago, you deserve to be here.

If it was incest, you deserve to be here.

If you barely remember it, you deserve to be here.

If you were sexually harrassed, you deserve to be here.

If you are someone who supports, you deserve to be here.

That's all there is to it. [/quote]

Thanks again =) Edited by Victoria63

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
^_^ :dancingbunny: :hug:

this is such a wonderful topic. it helped me convince myself that i'm - deservingly, i guess? a member. so i'm boosting this back up. it is just so wonderful... for passionately expressing who belongs here... to see/affirm to ourselves and show others they do as well.

-mira

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
thanks for the great thread since i have struggled with this question myself

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I've been told many times that I deserve to be here. I'm having a real hard time right now. At the moment I don't feel I even deserve to be alive. I'm sorry if I'm bringin everyone else down...I seem to have an ability for doing that. I re-read this thread hoping to convince myself that I deserve...something, anything. I don't know what else to say.


sockspup :puppy:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
[quote]"If someone has sexually assaulted you, you deserve to be here.

If it was attempted rape, you deserve to be here.

If it wasn't rape, if it was unwanted and inappropriate touching, you deserve to be here.

If you are a man who has been sexually assaulted, you deserve to be here.

If it happened ten or twenty or thirty years ago, you deserve to be here.

If it was incest, you deserve to be here.

If you barely remember it, you deserve to be here.

If you were sexually harrassed, you deserve to be here.

If you are someone who supports, you deserve to be here.

That's all there is to it. [/quote]

This is what I need to read...thanks for putting this here. I question two of my experiences even though I called them forceful. It hurt and that was enough. I was told they were completely false, and didn't happen, or were my fault because I was drinking by a therapist.

Justme

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I'm glad I found this topic because I always think I don't deserve to be here. Everybody here has always made me feel so welcome, and more and more I'm finding my voice. I think it's just me being silly and hard on myself as usual. I read other peoples stories and feel upset and angry that someone could have ever hurt them like that. But I don't seem to apply the same to myself. In a way I guess I trivialise my own pain and tell myself it wasn't that bad. Although what happened to me was a horrible violation. I was raped so I do deserve to be here!

Thankyou for reminding me of that! :)

Cx

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
[quote name='' date='Jul 7 2001, 04:09 PM' post='17045' date='Jul 7 2001, 04:09 PM']
<font color='#000000'>*T* for those words.<p>I see so many people questioning Do I Deserve to Be Here?  Let's settle this.<p>If someone has sexually assaulted you, you deserve to be here.  <p>If it was attempted rape, you deserve to be here.  <p>If it wasn't rape, if it was unwanted and inappropriate touching, you deserve to be here.<p>If you are a man who has been sexually assaulted, you deserve to be here.<p>If it happened ten or twenty or thirty years ago, you deserve to be here.<p>If it was incest, you deserve to be here.<p>If you barely remember it, you deserve to be here.<p>If you were sexually harrassed, you deserve to be here.<p>If you are someone who supports, you deserve to be here.<p>That's all there is to it.  <p>I've seen a few people who have the feelings that their rape was not a particularly "bad rape".  My rape was not a particularly violent rape I was only concious of being raped for about one second and when I realized I was being raped, my boyfriend handed my rapists ass to him.  My rapist was the only one who got hurt.  <p>It didn't make any difference to me.  I had still been raped.  It still hurt on the inside.  I deserve to be here.<p>The degree of the rape, abuse, assault doesn't matter.  We feel many of the same feelings.  And we all deserve to be here and to help and to be helped.<p>I think that everyone will agree with me, so I'll get off my soap box now.<p>Thanks for reading.<p>Mistral
Mistral is now Jes</font>
[/quote]

AMEN!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites