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Who Deserves to Be Here?

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Sometimes I find myself wondering if my abuse really was bad enough for me to be here. I'm glad I found this post, and am replying to boost it up yet again.

golden lady

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I always wonder if I should be posting something here, b/c I was not actually raped b/c he did not go through w/ it, he stopped just before he did.  I always have felt uncomfortable.

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I also am new to this forum - it is nice to "belong" somewhere again.

It WOULD be nice to think that someone could believe I was raped. Because of unusual circumstances surrounding the "incident" five years ago I still cannot find a counselor to help me overcome it.

I finally gave up on counselors and talked to my minister- his comment after I described the multiple bruises was that he wanted to talk to someone who had SEEN them first. When he was reassured by my adult son that he had seen the bruises, the minister said "I know SOMETHING must have happened (because I was able to prove I had bruises), but I KNOW you were NOT R*PED!"

I still have had NO counseling at all - and dealing with it all alone when nobody believes in me really hurts. My husband has been my only source of support, and that has only come in the past year.  

Thank God for my dogs - they accept me no matter what!

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Hi and welcome (((((((It'smeagain)))))))))

What a stupid and horrifying response that was for you to get from your minister. I recall hearing something similar from a lady I went to church with at the time of my own rape.

I can assure you you won't get that sort of ignorant rewounding nonsense here.

Hugs

Louise xxxxx

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Hey all.  I am brand new here and for whatever reason i cant access a lot of the forums.  First of all, i am a 27 year old male.  From the ages of 6-14  I was sexually abused by an older relative, someone whom I though of as the big brother I never had.  Years ago I told my mother what happened but begged her not to say or do anything because i felt humiliated. after all men arent supposed to be helpless right?  I came to realize years later that it wasnt a situation of being helpless it was about being taken advantage of by somone whom you had no power against.  Anyway, I have never spoken with anyone else who was sexually assaulted in any way and I would like to tell my story in full.  I guess once i gain access to that web page.  There is a lot I dont know and I dont understand.  I am still too humiliated to talk about this with anyone I know so I am reaching out to you all for some help I guess. I think my email should be on here if anyone would like to talk and help me out.  I also will be coming back here regularly.  I replied to this post becasue I wondered if a man had any place here and I am truly glad to see that this could possibly be a home for me.  Thank you all for your time, Scott

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Scott,

Welcome to the board!

Of course you are welcome here, and you should have access to all of the forums by now.

Hugs,

Jes

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thanks jes.  it is good to be here.  Im already loving it.  

Hugs

Scott

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Posting this a reply because I can't start a new thread.  Much to learn!

Hello all,

  I'm new here (I guess that's somewhat obvious)and posted a couple of replies and comments.  As I don't have access to the parts of the board where stories and such can be posted I'll give a brief and spoilered self-intro here.

  I am, unfortunatly not unusual in being a male survivor of r*pe and s*xual ab*use.  I'm now 36 and have been survivng for about five years.  From the time I was 14 until I was 31 I was mostly just existing.

  The ab*se started when I was seven and continued until we moved when I was 14.  The perpetrator was a neighbor, 15 years older than me, much larger and stronger than me.  He ab*sed me regularily for that period of time.

  Recovery is difficult, and full recovery may not be possible- that is I cannot ever regain the child and the person that was me... but that does not make things hopeless.  It is still possible to grow, and though I will never be 'who I might have been', I am at the point now where I 'am who I am', and have, for the first time in my life the hope of becoming 'who I WILL be'.  My life is slowly, but surely becoming mine.

  I, like many survivors, was very alone out here in the world.  Places like this forum have changed that.  From 14 to 31 I wanted just one person to understand.  Now I know that there are many who do.  *NEVER* underestimate what YOUR COURAGE in posting in this forum has done for so many of us.  You have helped make a connection, helped so many of us who were silenced with shame, embarrassment, fear and anger to find our voices, and to use them.  The inspiration is powerful, comforting, and healing.

  There is a form of music known as the Blues, a form I love.  The Blues are a lot like survival.  They have the right attitude.  No matter how bad it gets everything will work out in the end.  It's not music about the bad times and the sad times.  It's music about surviving them, making the best of what you have, and using that to make things better.  It's a recipe for making lemonade out of life's lemons, about 'making it through' and finding the good times.  

  We generally have two things in common: 1) We have survived the worst things that other people can do to us, and 2) We help each other with the best things that other people (to each other we are other people) can do for us.  We share our hurts and oddly comfort others by doing so.

  What was done to us has caused terrible damage and suffering, but it has done one other thing; it has made us aware of that suffering in others and caused us to reach out.  In all the damage and mayhem that our lives have become, these horrible events have also brought out the best in all of us.  Survival takes strength, and though so many here don't feel strong you are.  You made it this far.  You've read, and maybe you've posted.  You might look at others and wonder how they do it, how they survive and help each other.  I can tell you.  It's the same way you're doing it now.  You are stronger than you think.  You will introduce yourself when you are ready.  You will share your experiences when you are ready.  You will be comforted when you are ready.

  I keep a ready supply of hugs handy.  I don't give them out- they're much to precious, but I do lend them out with abandon.  Remeber though, I might need one of 'em back someday.

Be you. And be proud to be you.

Mike

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Welcome to the board, Mike!

Hugs,

Jes

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Wow.  Yeah.  This is a really great thread.  When I first saw the topic, I half-expected it to be something demoralizing and depressing.  I've only been here a short time, but I should have realized by now that that kind of junk doesn't show up here.  I feel so accepted right now, and by people I don't even know...people who don't know my story.  You're all so supportive no matter what.  

I think I'm going to cry.

Thank you all so much.

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Thank you all for the welcome!  I will post my story soon in it's appropriate place.

And thank you all for being here!  You do not know what a difference it makes!

Mike

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Hello, my name is Shane and I am new to all this.

I guess you could say that my parents were overly protective. They never let us watch the news or read the newspaper. My dad always said that their were so many bad things in the world and that they never wanted us to experience them.

That all changed recently. Trying to heal has been difficult for everyone. My parents have said that they could never forgive themselves because they let one of their sons down and weren't there.

It isn't a rosy world and I am saddened for anyone that has ever been hurt, but it is nice to come to a place where you feel like you belong.

(Edited by Shane at 1:38 pm on Nov. 19, 2002)

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thank you so much for saying that. . . it was a post i needed to hear

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I think that I will need to re-visit this thread and often.  Thank you so much for posting this.

Love,

Lisa

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I thought I'd boost this just because I think we all need to be reminded of this every once in awhile.  And SilentFlight's post was just so beautiful.  :)

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*Had to revisit this post today*

So everyone gets to revisit it with me :)

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we have so many different types of people here, with so many different backgrounds, ages, beliefs and so on. but what we all do have in common is that we were hurt (or supportin someone who was hurt). we have made it out of that trauma alive and have lived to tell about it. if you fall into that catagory, you deserve to be here!  we can all get support here dispite our differences

Mary

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You get a standing ovation from me. Well said. Ithink it was something we all needed to hear!

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Thanks Hon you are obviously a caring wonderful person thank you so much all of my love to you honey xoxox

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Any person who was hurt/has been hurt directly or indirectly by some sort of sexual violence belongs here.

You all deserve to be here, so welcome in.

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Oh my God. You are so right.

I am constantly doubting myself, and putting myself down saying that I shouldn't be so self-centered, and get over this,and that i brought it on myself and that it is much worse for lots of people, and that I'm making it a bigger deal than it is, and on and on.

Thank you, I need to remember this.

It is a complete truth, and I need to throw the rest out the window.

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thanks for this post. i used to minimize the abuse i experienced a lot because it was mostly emotional sexual abuse.

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boost

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