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Chepe12

Hi, I'm new here, just a simple question

7 posts in this topic

Hi,

I'm new around here as a secondary, it was suggested I joined here by my girlfriend, who is a member here as a primary. Are there any areas which are only for use by secondaries as a way of supporting each other? I don't want to create awkward situations of my girlfriend recognising this as my account, because I'm struggling with issues, and need support, but she has enough issues on her plate with the struggles she is going through, without feeling she is burdening me (which I feel she already feels). (I hope this makes sense, I've been using the backspace key so much I'm not sure it is still coherent). If there isn't a space like that, I'm not sure I can really use these forums...

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Hi Chepe,

There is not a section that is only for supporters/secondaries. There is the Healing Together forum which is designed for secondaries, but survivors do have access to it. Since your girlfriend knows you are on the site, maybe you could ask her to stay off of that section? I think she would likely respect your wishes.

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Thanks mbholly, my girlfriend doesn't know yet that I've joined, she did suggest it though. I'll have to have a discussion with her about it first before posting, as things have been a bit choppy recently in our relationship, and the last thing I want to do is create more tension.

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Chepe12,

There is another site (sorry, I'm not cheating on Pandys) supportforpartners.org that is just what the name implies, support for partners. It is a partners only site started as safe place for partners to vent, rant, cry, etc... I am both a survivor and a partner of a survivor and I found that when my wife was struggling it was helpful to have somewhere to vent my frustration. Even though I was familiar with why she was acting the way she was I had mostly suppressed my abuse and honestly I have said things things I am thankful she will never read.

I think you can find the same support here in the secondaries section and sometimes it can help as a secondary to have survivors opinions as well but if you feel like there would be a conflict than it might be a viable alternative.

You can PM me anytime if you need to vent safely, I can't guarantee I'll have any answers but I always listen and it would be another safe alternative to possibly hurting her.

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I hope you both find, what you're looking for here.

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Thanks eeyore, I'll give that a try.

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Thanks too blonde.

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