one.day.

He stole my chance of motherhood.

20 posts in this topic

*heavy triggers*

Feeling a little helpless.

Please remove if not appropiate, I'm sorry.

When we all escaped from my stepfather, my sister and I could feel safer in her new home. I was beginning to be sick in the mornings and feel queasy. My sister reassured me it was just nerves about being in a new place. One day, I came home from school and she told me to use apregnancy test. I was so angry at first but it suddenly dawned on me.I found out I was pregnant and still in education and had no idea which man, it could have been from the attack my stepdad planned. I felt disgusted. Even selfishly (which I regret) felt sickened to be carrying a child, I cruelly thought was evil like them. I didn't want this baby. I couldn't look after myself, let alone an innocent child.

I had no money and felt too ashamed to go to the doctors. My sister would always help me and tell me things would be okay. In the end we went to the doctors. He had judged me before I had even took breath for another sentance. Why had I not used contraception? He told me there was a long waiting list.

My sister would hold me as I cried. As time passed, I realised the child would not be evil. I would love that child with all my heart. There would be no way that I could ever let them get hurt and became so consumed by guilt that I would sh. My sister would sometimes see the lines and say that was no way to act and convinced me that the child would know. For some reason that helped me to stop. Though, I was still bulimic and even though I knew I should have stopped I couldn't.

I don't know if this was through a confidentiality breach or what happened. One day, my stepdad was driving past. I have no idea how he found out where we lived. He told me to get in the car. I don't know why I listened. He attacked me again this time at knife point. He knew that I was pregnant but it didn't stop him. I didn't have my phone. I couldn't get out. How much I just wanted to keep my unborn baby safe. They didn't need to see or feel this.

I woke in hospital. My sister by my side hiding tears. The doctors explained that I had been mugged. I screamed and screamed that this wasn't the truth. That they should know this wasn't the truth. They told me my stepfather found me and called for help and drove me as quick as he could to hospital. They told me it would be a rare chance if I can have children in the future for the damage that was caused. I felt so numb and stopped speaking altogether to anyone. I refused to cooperate with the police or nurses.

Sometimes, I think if I didn't feel that hatred at the start this never would have happened or if I hadn't of got in that car or if I told the police but I can't think about the what ifs. I hate what he has done to my future, I'm 20 now and he has taken a chunk of it and my past. I'm sorry I shared this, I haven't told soul, only my sister knew, who sadly passed and I am plagued that I feel like I am responsible. I know I shouldn't think like that, he was the bad person.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Awe I am SO sorry this happened to you! That is not fair you had to go through that! I'm sorry you are having such a tough time right now. You are right, HE is the bad person. You did nothing wrong. I hope you are getting the support you need :hug: if ok. You are so strong for being able to share your story! I am 20 also. PM me anytime if you would like to talk! Tvvvgc or yourself :metoyou:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you ever so much chapstickofcherry for reading this and your kind words. :hug: , I need to say something or I think I would explode. :metoyou:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My heart hurts for you, Hun. Im so sorry that your stepdad did so many horrible, unthinkable, and cruel things to you. He was the sick person, not you.

You are brave to tell your story and strong to survive all that you have. You are still a beautiful person despite what he has taken from you and you are deserving of love and respect.

Im so sorry for all of your losses, Hun. I imagine that there is a deep hurt there that needs some TLC. I commend you for reaching out and talking. You have nothing to hide or need to hide. The shame is not yours to keep but, I understand that it is easier said than done sometimes. I struggle with many of the same things that you mentioned, too.

Reading your story made me wish that I could take all your pain away. I hope that you find comfort here in the forums, Hun.

I just want you to know that I care.

:rainbow:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Don't ever be sorry for sharing here; you are so brave for sharing this story, and just want to commend you on your strength

:hug:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Your story just broke my heart :tear:

Thank you for sharing- and never apologize! He took so much from you- healing takes time and I believe that just because things we go through make us different than we had been, doesn't mean we're less- no more than someone that has lost a leg is broken or any less, just different. I always say we can be affected by our experiences but it doesn't mean we have to be defected by them. Best of luck on your healing journey and I'm glad you've found a safe place to share, you're not alone! (((HUGS)))

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am so sorry for everything you've had to endure. You are so brave and strong for sharing. My grandfather took away my ability to get pregnant. I understand your pain all too well. Be gentle with yourself :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Dear one, I'm so sorry you had to endure such terrible things. Short on words, but I care very much. Sending you lots of caring support. :metoyou::hug:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you all so very much. I've been avoiding coming back here for some reason I've been embarrassed and scared to put that out so your kind words have touched me, thank you. I'm sorry you have had to go through those bad things too.

:metoyou:

:rainbow:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

.

Edited by one.day.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

sorry double post

Edited by one.day.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

one.day.

:tear: im so sorry this has happened. IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT! FEAR BROUGHT YOU INTO THAT CAR THIS MAN GAVE YOU FEAR AND I THINK YOU WENT INTO THE CAR ONLY BECAUSE YOU WERE TRAINED NOT TO DISOBEY. does that make sense what im trying to say is he was wrong not you!! :hug:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you, Amy. :hug: it does make sense a lot. I just wanted to be believed but I didn't say a word.

I was sick of them letting us down. I wish I could take it all back. I hate him more than anything. He knew but it never stopped him. :tear: but I didnt.

:rainbow:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh One.day,

I have read your story and I am truly sorry for all that has happened to you. You were trained not to disobey and could not think of any other option than obedience.

None of it is your fault and you know it is okay to think and feel however you think and feel at any given moment. I am sorry for your losses. I will sit with and offer you a safe hug.

SL

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I can't imagine the pain and suffering that you have gone through. You are so brave to tell us your story! This was not your fault, you were innocent and he was the bad person. In a perfect world he would rightfully hold the feelings that you have! Take good care of yourself, be kind to yourself. I hope you can find good support! Thinking of you and sending good thoughts!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm sorry you had to put up with such a horrible step-father growing up. You didn't deserve any of that, and no, you ARE NOT TO BLAME!!! That manipulative, ugly, abusive prick was a pitiful excuse for a human being and didn't deserve to have any step children or a wife around.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you, I hope one day that I will fully believe and understand that. I hate him so so much.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks for sharing your story.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks for sharing your story with us. I hope that writing it out helped you feel less like a powder keg.

I lost my chance at motherhood, too. I hear you there.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
You are commenting as a guest. If you have an account, please sign in.
Reply to this topic...

×   You have pasted content with formatting.   Remove formatting

  Only 75 emoticons maximum are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor