Ash

Without Pandys...

143 posts in this topic

without pandys i may not have have put a name on what happened.

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Without Pandy's, I would probably never have realized for sure that I was abused. When I was a freshman in college, I only knew that I "felt" like a rape survivor, but not that I was one. I figured that it was some convoluted metaphor for my psychological torment. I'd come up with any explanation for my feelings other than that I was raped. I joined this forum hoping that I would see, once and for all, that "real" survivors were nothing like me and I'd finally be able to move on. Fortunately (or unfortunately), I found a community full of people who often were just as doubtful and confused as I was. Many things I wrote were relatable to others, and many things I read sounded like things I could have written myself. Eventually, people on Pandy's encouraged me to ask questions about my life and my childhood which eventually led me to figure out what had happened and to discover that it was ritual abuse. I'm not sure how long it would have taken me to come to this understanding without Pandy's.

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wow. reading this thread is amazing. This is another video waiting to happen. What a huge amount of testimony. You all should be very proud. Not just Shannon, but everyone who has ever modded, chatted or even written even a short "I believe you" post to any one of the folks above. When they say "I might not be here" it's the community that IS pandys. It's not one person.

One person started it and for that, I am grateful but as Hilary says "It takes a village".

glad to be a part of this one. The Pandy Village!

-------------------------------

If not for Pandys, I would have less friends in the world. Very important friends.

Because of Pandys, my life is forever changed. it doesn't get any better than that.

Without Pandys, I would never have found my inner being, my strength, my new persona—whom I refer to as "BeBold".

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Without Pandy's, I wouldn't have known it's okay to say no in a relationship, and that your partner not accepting that no is abuse. Thanks Pandys since that's what helped me realize the DV that was happening to me.

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Without Pandys I wouldn't be alive. I wouldn't have opened up to anyone about the R, even if it's just mentioning that it happened.

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Without Pandys I would be hollow, I would not have learnt to open myself up to the world again and I would not have the amazing man I do in my life right now. Pandys is definitely a major factor in my existence, thankyou from the bottom of my heart.

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Without Pandy's, I wouldn't have met a lot of amazing people! :D

Without Pandy's, I probably wouldn't still be here.

Without Pandy's, I would have had a much harder time in my earlier stages of healing.

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Without Pandy's I wouldn't know so many other survivors and would feel alone. Well I would but I wouldn't know they were survivors!

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Without Pandys I would not have survived. Pandys saved my life. Pandys gave me the tools I needed in order to carry on and not feel ashamed.

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Without Pandys I would not be here, and I would have felt so isolated and alone much longer than I have.

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Without pandys I would have nobody to relate to and believe that nobody understands me

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Without Pandy's I would feel more alone and more hopeless then I do now.

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I wouldn't understand how to process most of the feelings I've experienced since the abuse, and I wouldn't know that these feelings are normal for what I went through.

I also wouldn't have the network of support that I receive from all of you, or the courage to even talk about any of these things, either online or IRL. So thank you Pandy's.

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Without Pandys I would have never learned how to speak out.

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Without Pandys, I wouldn't have realized it was possible to have friends who could completely relate to me. With those friends, I don't have to hide anything at all about myself. No matter if we stay in touch frequently or get caught up in surviving, it was a beautiful thing discovered.

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Without Pandy's I never would have realized that the pain I felt from being raped is inside of each of us who experience such trauma. I never really was alone!

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Without Pandy's I would have..... well been more isolated,and Probably would have done the stupidest thing I could have possible done to try to end my pain. With pandys.org I have with the help of my T learned that it is ok to to cry bout it. It okay to feel what I feel. It only makes me human.

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Without Pandy's I think I would still be the scared little girl I was back when I first joined and not the strong woman I am learning to love now :)

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Without Pandys, I would still be confused, alone, and isolated, ever abnormal, never accepted.

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without Pandy's, I'd still believe that I was crazy and feel consistently misunderstood by the people around me.

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I know I'm not very far along in my recovery, but Pandy's has encouraged me to continue seeing my psychiatrist, to be strong and stand up to my abuser, to actively seek a new place to live, and to even speak out and talk to other people about what has happened to me. I have a long way to go, but I feel like I wouldn't have gotten this far without the support from Pandy's. :)

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without Pandy's, I wouldn't have admitted to my abuse the first time since ever and realized it was a problem that just wouldn't go away.

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Without pandys... i would have one.) never told my story and two,) commited suicide

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Without Pandys... I would never have been able to identify what happened to me in 2002 as a form of rape. I would not have learned to validate myself and my experiences. And I would be almost completely alone in trying to cope with the rape that happened this past December.

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