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About heathergrrl

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  1. When I first came here, and started posting. I really had no idea what I wanted. I guess the first thing was just to know I'm not crazy, I'm not alone. For a long time I was jealous of people here who seemed to know what they needed to work on. 2 years ago I could not have listed one healing goal for myself. I was really stuck in not realizing that many of my problems or issues were related to SA. I did not understand that some of my issues even could be changed or fixed. I really thought, "well, thats just the way I am". If someone had told me that back then, I probably wouldn't have believed them. It was like I was standing on this cliff, I didn't like being there, but even though it was scary it felt normal because I had always been there. I didn't believe there was somewhere else to go, couldn't see the other side, couldn't see a path to get there Self validation for me was that journey to accepting that I was r*ped, understanding how it affected my life, and making the decision that I wanted to start to move forward. Deciding that not only was there a way off the cliff, but that it was possible to get to the other side. That wasn't something anyone could have done for me, it was something I had to figure out myself. I don't know how it came to be, but I know this board was instrumental in the process. I don't know if that is really answering your question, but it is what I started thinking about as I read your post. heather
  2. lil samantha shows little michelle her bright shiny red ball, and shows her just how to hold out her hands to catch it. All the little kids, samantha, michelle, olivia, and kerry take turns tossing the ball, giggling, and watching the butterflies fly around. lil sam says "isn't it fun to play!"
  3. I have never out loud said "I was raped". I'm not comfortable with that. I have also worked with many sexual assault survivors, and they vary with how they wish to describe their experience. Sometimes it can be a process, where you start out with "that thing that happened" and once you feel comfortable with that moving up to "my sexual assault". In what I have seen from the real world, no one just talks about sexual assault. Here we are all survivors and feel like it is okay to use any words we want. I would never talk to other people I know the same way I talk here about myself and my experiences. In terms of euphamisms (how do you spell that?). I would guess that they are used more for rape/sexual assault than for everyday experiences. However, I think some other trauma's could compare to rape/sexual assault. Like misscarriage, suicide attempt, murder, death, kidnapping, war, etc. Not every time, but often times euphamisms are used both by other people and the victims because the real words are too scary, or because we're afraid of the other persons reaction to those words. I think oftentimes people who were not raped or assaulted don't use euphamisms for rape/sexual assault at all. I see survivors as the ones who use euphamisms more at least when talking to people who are not themselves survivors. But thats just my experience, what I've noticed. I'm sure it isn't true for everyone. heather