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About Camellia

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    Washington, D.C.
  1. Wishing you a great weekend Blondie!

  2. A well worth read.
  3. Sadmelon, I'm sorry. People say stupid things all the time and they just don't think. I find the last sentence by your boyfriend particularly cruel. No one in his right mind would say that. If okay, safe hugs Camellia
  4. organization

    I need to get organized so I have decided to write down what I need to do here. This way I will remember and unlike when I email my schedule to myself, it won't get lost in the numerous emails. -job hunting. at least 2 registrations to get me started. -Chinese oral. -CNS reading--taking notes -Comp China reading -Financial markets
  5. want to run...

    I want to run to forget my pain but I have no running shoes.
  6. I told him last week that I wanted to get married to him. But no go... Maybe I should just met him that Sunday and tried to make him like me again... I'm so heartbroken. I don't know how I can get over this. There are 3 guys who are interested in me but I just get over Hiroshi.It's been half a year since we broke up. I broke up since it seemed that he was unsure about being with me, and I kept thinking that he was going to break up with me. I didn't feel secure in that relationship because I felt that I had to be perfect. Not that he expected me to be perfect but he wanted to change somethings, which he was right about. And I just rebelled or I don't know, it's my character I can't seem to change it... I'm going to change it because I have to, not for him. I hope that I can... Just so heartbroken... I am so scared that I'm really hard to live with. Michael says that he doesn't care about this character fault, only that I'm too friendly with strangers and he's worried that I'll get hurt. I don't know if it will work out with Michael, even if he likes me a lot. He's one of my best friends at school. I wonder how he stands seeing someone he likes cry over her ex. it must be terrible but he seems to be hanging on. I hate being 32 and not being married/having a job. I'm so scared that I won't be able to find someone or get a job at the end of graduation. School loans are so expensive... I drank yesterday out of sadness for the first since 2001/2002. And I did it right now. I broke up policy of not drinking out of sadness. This isn't good. I've had struggles with wanting to drink before. And I always poured down the alcohol down the sink. I'm going to do that right now. Did it. Now I have to get organized. It's ridiculous. I've been crying over him for the last 2 days. -fold clothes, put them back. -buy hole puncher and a big calendar. -go to school and study -get back around 8 p.m. and do job applications (do at least 2 to get me started.) Do taxes. -answer emails.
  7. I am so sorry Lauren. Take gentle care dear.
  8. These comments are SO MADDENING!!! UGGHHHHH! They are so infuriating!!! I am sooo sorry that all of you got unsupportive, wrong, untrue comments!! Take gentle care, Camellia
  9. A few months ago at a bridesmaid's party by an old Christian lady. I don't know how it came up, I know I didn't say anything about myself. She asked in a loud voice, "Were you sexually assaulted?" We were all in a small area so I know that at least 7 people must have heard. Since I am unashamed of my past I replied with a simple yes. To which she responded, "Well you have to forgive him! The Lord Jesus forgives you." I told her it was very difficult and she was sympathetic to that aspect but was quite set that I have to forgive him. And then she told me a story of how a Christian female doctor who was raped in South Africa prayed all night, forgave her perpetrators, put away her fears and went back to that country to treat its citizens. I wasn't angry. The story wowed me and I knew that she wouldn't understand the pain/stress caused by telling me that I had to forgive my perp. (Many Christians who press forgiveness upon us believe: The abuser's lack of repentance is immaterial since Jesus will forgive us as we forgive others. And in any case, because of our belief in Him, he forgives us for sins that we don't realize we have committed. Those are the two tenets, I believe.) I was a bit bothered but could manage it because I had decided a while back that forgiveness is not my priority at the moment. (The moment has lasted a few years. ) That's it. I thought I'd share. My head is cramping up so I guess I am getting ...depressed... Thanks for letting me share and I am truly sorry that all of you have heard terrible comments. Camellia ed. to make sure that I don't believe the two Christian tenets posted above. Seriously, forgiveness is not an issue with me. I have better things to do.
  10. Thanks Amanda!! It's an amazing feeling. And I feel so safe with him; he's so gentle and thoughtful. I'm allowing myself to fall in love with him. Camellia
  11. I so emotional--happy and weepy. I met a wonderful man and he tells me that he loves me. I have no idea why he loves me. I'm scared that once he knows what a bad person I was that he won't like me anymore. But I also trust him when he says that he loves me because I know that he's honest about his feelings. He's so honest with me. Gosh I love him. And I don't love him in a fuzzy warm way. I love him with all the seriousness that I can feel toward him and our relationship. He is so thoughtful with his mind and heart. And I love him with my mind and heart. He went to Manila for ten days which gave me a good time to think over my feelings toward him. And I realized that I'm determined to have a strong and meaningful and (my gosh) committed relationship with him. It's scary to write out the words "life commitment", but I'm not writing this on the spur of the moment or on the wave an emotion. It is extremely scary, especially since I know him only for 2 months. But I really love this man. I want us to get to know each other deeper, much much deeper. I can be with him for the rest of my life and we are going to be excellent friends through it all. Friends and lovers and even soul mates. Wife and husband. Parents. I can't foresee the future so I don't know how this relationship will be, but I am very determined to make it work. I want to go about this in a very deliberative manner. There will be people who will try to argue with me about being with him but my mind is already set. I love him. I really really incredibly do. My goodness. I seriously do. And my mind, for the first time, is in agreement with my heart. He's coming back tomorrow to D.C.. I can't wait to see him. Camellia
  12. mixed religious couples

    "What we have always known, remains true regardless of the religion(s) of the couple -- when people are in touch with the values most important to them, live out those values actively in their lives and have a partner with whom they share those values and ways of living them, they are more likely to have happier lives and healthier relationships." Had copied the above but didn't write the source down. Probably from the New York Times. This is what I will refer to those who believe that inter-religious marriages don't work. But I just refer to my parents who love each other and have done so for more than 30 years... And I'm now set on being with a wonderful man and I'm not going to defend myself. I love him and he loves me back and that's the end of the discussion. I just realized again that we are going to have an AWESOME time together! Camellia
  13. Thanks blooming and Ash. And Ash, I'm glad to see you around. Camellia
  14. Oh, I'm so stupid! Thanks Ash! Camellia
  15. Just that. I realized that unlike the former structure, there isn't a report button. Or is there and I just can't find it? Thank you! Camellia