Thundere

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    262
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About Thundere

  • Rank
    Not an angel, but caring survivor
  • Birthday 11/29/1988

Profile Information

  • Gender identity
    Female
  • Membership Type
    Survivor
  • Location
    Sweden
  • Interests
    Reading and writing fanfiction.
    Listen to music, chat with my mother
    and do anything creative with my hands
    such as paint, draw and knit.
    Also enjoy traveling around the world
    and learning new languages.
  1. Ever-changing tastes

    Well, don't know what to say. As usual. Just thinking of how quickly peoples tastes can change, such as what kind of music they enjoy listing to, or movies they like to watch or different kinds of food they enjoy having. And mainly why they change. Take me for example: I went to the store yesterday and bought me a can of carrot juice, which isn't that odd per say, since i like carrot juice. I thought that it would be nice to have the carrot juice along with my breakfast this morning. Turns out, I found it, in lack of better words, absolutely appalling. Sure, if you used to like something and don't like it anymore, fine. That's fair. But going from "this is GREAT! AWESOME!" - to - "this is REVOLTING! Be gone you orange fiend", seems like a bit drastic change to me. Which, in the whole picture, can apply to other things as well. So, why does it change? Why do we have to change? If we're content with the way we're living or the choices we make, why is there any need for a difference? Just another of them brain teasers of mine.
  2. That are good questions you brought up. It's hard to say why some people behave in that way. Perhaps they're too caught up in their pain to see that their behavior hurts others?
  3. I hear you. You're completely right, you don't have to prove anything. I agree with Jiva, I like that you've begun to stand up for yourself. I hope you'll feel better soon, TC
  4. Here's some of mine: Dark places, Approaching and/or departing footsteps Nightfall/sunrise (my) hand supporting my face (feelings of being strangled) Taking baths/showers
  5. Am sorry to hear that. I don't know how long it will be before you get your answers, time is different for us all. Just know that we here on Pandys care, and wants nothing more than to reach out a hand for you when you need a "shoulder" to lean on. // Fellow survivor
  6. Better now

    The past few weeks have been, in lack of better words, absolutely horrifying. It wasn't so much for the PA, but for... well, everything. I found everything to be frightening. Even myself. I don't know why I felt like that. During the days (when there was actually daylight) it was mostly fine, but as soon as it was nightfall, the feeling of anxiety and anguish was there all over again. Needless to say, I didn't have that much of sleep at all. However, yesterday, it was different. Sure, the dark wasn't that pleasant, but it wasn't near as horrifying as it used to be, and I didn't have that much trouble falling asleep either. I could even take a late bath, something I enjoy doing but haven't been able to do for a long time. I feel much more peaceful with myself, much stronger and it feels like things are finally going back to normal, albeit slowly. Things are slowly getting better, and it makes me happy.
  7. Without Pandy's, I wouldn't know where to turn.
  8. Remembrance of yesterday Holding on to everything I know, I can't fight it But still I know that feeling down is a way to survive it I was once hurt, I was scared and screaming, pained and weeping But no one was there to hear me The devil in disguise, followed me Everywhere I went his face haunted me, Laughing and threatening, malicious and heartless A true face of Death So what do you do when everything feels wrong when you try so hard to belong staying alive in this world to remain the "you" everyone knows and yet everything you see is not who you used to be How, tell me, how do you manage not to feel scared seeing your reflection in the mirror and the feeling is hanging onto you as an ominous looming feeling that you're no longer "you" The "you" you used to be is all but dead and gone and somehow, you know you'll never be free although, still, in the "then" and "now" somehow, you still struggle to be The days went by, and still I feel afraid to look in the mirror and see his face behind me Everything's so scary, so dark and weary Nights of sleep still alludes me Although he's gone, he's always at my side To laugh or cry at how he so easily broke me down He lied and cheated, tormented and engraved deep scars in my soul The demons of my mind won't stay at rest Actually, this is the lyrics of a song I wrote yesterday, not a poem, but... oh, well.. And yes, this is about my feelings about the perpetrator that broke into my home and, well, you can read about that in the "My Story" section.
  9. Poem #4: Your Fault

    Your Fault Lost and found but still all alone It make no sense the words I say I write down my thoughts and lay it out there for all to see Well, what do you say when you see my pain Knowing it's your fault that I lost it all
  10. Poem #3: Daywalker

    Daywalker I'm a daywalker that fears the night When the light goes out nothing feels all right How am I supposed to be ok feeling like I'm a stranger hiding under the skin of someone else To forget about the past might be the solution of others who doesn't understand, but to me, it only leaves me with hopeless dread I choke under all the pressure, the city does nothing to bring out any warmth or comfort Silently I'm crying though it's all for naught since no one hears my pleading for a way out of this endless nightmare I want to wake up still I can't
  11. Poem #2

    The recurring echoes of my memories are slowly fading away I keep trying to move forward and let go of the pain I long for a life of bliss, I don't want to stay like this Eventhough everything feels wrong right now, if I try hard enough I'll survive somehow
  12. One stupid comment I got after confiding about the rape attempt was "you shouldn't be outside late at night." Well first of all, I wasn't out, I was at home in my apartment minding my own business. Not like I wanted the guy to call my door bell. I don't go out alone at that time of day, and even if I was it's not my fault what he tried to do, is it?
  13. Poem #1

    Just a very short four line poem. What I feel right now. Yesterday, all I could do was cry Today, I'll fight and try to put my memories all behind What's in store for tomorrow? No one knows, but I intend to find out
  14. I'm glad.
  15. You're welcome.