Anime2646fairy

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About Anime2646fairy

  • Rank
    Survivor
  • Birthday 07/08/1995

Profile Information

  • Gender identity
    Female
  • Membership Type
    Survivor
  • Location
    Arizona
  • Interests
    I love to sing, dance, preform, draw, write stories, and do a lot of outdoor activities. I came onto this site to find a release and to become something that people can look to and find help when they need it, not only as a symbol of the depression in our world. Of course, I also wish to be of some emotional help to others when needed.
  1. Woops! Been so busy

    Well hello everyone! Sorry that I haven't been replying and posting lately, things took a turn for the busy! I have been so stacked lately with school and new oppurtunities coming up that I haven't had any time for myself. But that's ok, I'm here now and that's all that matters right? Anyway, I wanted to tell you all the exciting things that have been going on lately. First off, I finished my production, and thank heavens it ended with a good note! We had tons of fun, and tear down was relatively easy this year, since our cast was so big, and things weren't that hard to take down. Next off, I got the award for most work back stage, since I was literally the only cast member working on the set. The only other person working on it was the set manager, and she was the teacher of the set class. So she and I got to bond a whole lot during this time. But I got this big banner that had the title of our musical on it, and everyone isgned it. Seeing everyone put really positive things about me on it really boosted my confidence and my self esteem for the week and it was so cool knowing what everyone thought of me! Second, at our final performance, we had a judge arrive and make notes and things about it, she really enjoyed herself, and she really loved my character as the lead female and she told me that she could see me going to tons of new places in the future, and it was tons of fun. But after that, our director named the three actors who would be going to LA in Febuary for this big competition and I was her first choice! It was so cool to know what she thought of me. Third, I went to flaggstaff and got to see a college broadway production! It was one of the coolest things I have ever been to! We went to see "Spring Awakening" by "Duncan Sheik." The music was phenomonal, and I was a fan of the music before I saw it, and seeing it brought everything to life. I really loved the characters; Moritz, Ilse, and Martha. All three of those characters I relate, literally, to their life stories, and I know what they feel and what they mean, and I was with them the entire way. I cried when they cried, I cried when they sang, paid attention to them when they were on stage, and I completely felt their emotions and felt what they were trying to make me feel. Especially Moritz, his energy was so high and so amazing that I could not take my eyes off him when he was on the stage. Afterward, we got to meet and greet, and I got hugs from those three characters, and so many others. Especially the dashing and gorgeous Melchiore. He was soooooooooo HOT! He wouldn't let go of me, and kept hugging me for a really long time, and he was so fit and firm and so amazing. But all good things are limited. After that, we had to head home. Fourth, a couple months ago, my boyfriend and I decided it's time to move on. He and I have grown apart, and sad as that is, it's natural life, and I can't change it now. But since then, he has gone back to philadelphia, and we are still really good friends. Which is great, but lately a good friend and I have been hanging out together and this was the man that I have had a crush on for a while, has begun to notice me, and we have made plans to hang out. He was so cool about it too. SO right now, everything seems to be going my way! Finally, my time to shine!!!!
  2. Thanks a whole lot, I think that over time, this kind of thing won't really bother me, and I can get on with the things that mean the most to me. Like with my singing and drawing. I hope that one day, I can be an example and my songs will teach a lesson to those that understand my pain, and those that want to learn you know?
  3. I might lash out....

    !!!! WARNING:TRIGGER !!!!! I am so prepared to pop a cap right now. I just got home from a very long night, and I was actually in a huge argument before I got home. A man that I knew a long time ago, actually saw me today and confronted me about his friend who is in jail. He blamed me for his friend being in jail, and I told him, "It's not my fault he decided to rape me. Sorry for the inconvenience of your friends brain and capacity to know what's right." I didn't mean to sound so harsh, but the way he was speaking to me, I couldn't help it. He quickly escalated the situation and called me a series of colorful names, and he made a huge deal out of this. He kept saying that I should have said no and that I should have stopped him if I didn't want it. I quickly intervened and told him that I did indeed try to stop him, and I did tell him no, but he was the one that wouldn't listen to me. I told him of that night, and I told him that it was not my fault that he was not able to keep his junk in his pants, and he was not able to actually find a woman who was willing to have consensual intercourse with him. I saw the reason why that night. The man was speechless for a couple seconds at my bravery and my forward way of speaking to him. He then began to turn the tables, telling me that if I didn't make myself such a sex idol, then I would not have been in that situation, and that if I had not tried to seduce him with my movements, that I would not have been assaulted. I felt the anger boil in my chest as he spoke, and you have no idea the restraint it took not to hit him, and begin to wail on him, but I kept my composure, and began to argue. I told him that I was not making a sex idol of myself, for there was no reason for it, I was walking home from college, and that I was wearing the ugliest clothes I could possibly walk home in. Once again, the problem laid in the hands of his friend who could not think with the head on his shoulders. He saw a girl who was alone and vulnerable, and decided to take advantage of that. I had nothing to do with that, and the street cameras will attest to that fact. Once again speechless, the man began to work up a sweat, and he was angry. I could see in his eyes that he wanted to hit me, and his body language was saying the same thing as well. He then began to avert from the original argument, and begin calling me an assortment of names once more. I stood there with a stoic stance, and a strong face, and took it all. I didn't care what this man was saying to me, I was past the whole thing, and he should have been as well. I had nothing to do with the fact that his friend decided to rape me. When he mentioned that his friend was miserable, and he was the victim in the situation and he spends every day sitting in a cell and is mentally scarred by what he had to go through, and being convicted for the whole thing. That's where I truly snapped. When he paused with a smug smile on his face, I took my turn. I told him, "I'm sorry, let me get this straight, he went home that night with bruises on his wrists, thighs, chest, and other places, cuts on his face and back, and scrapes from being thrown to the ground. I must be mistaken, him being twice my size I was more than able to throw him to the ground, hold him down, and do all those horrible things to him. I am so sorry for putting him through that pain. It must be awful knowing that you will never see the light of day because of someone else. Wow, such a horrible tragedy. Well for your information-" At this point he tried to cut me off and interrupt me, shutting out my voice and my way of speaking, but was put back into place when I yelled, "I'M NOT FINISHED YET!" He was quiet in that instant. I continued to tell him, that next time he decides to blame someone else for his own ego and his own pride in his friends, he should make sure that his friends are people worth hanging around, and that he shouldn't have those kinds of friends in the first place. I apologized for my rudeness and walked away. Of course, I thought that I could walk away from that feeling accomplished, but to be honest, I felt a hole in my chest, like a wound that opened up, and I felt the darkness creeping in again. I knew that I couldn't let my past control my future, and that no matter what, I had to make things different, but something stopped me. I was so angry, and so upset that someone had the nerve to contradict what they knew was a fact. I am so sick and tired of being blamed for being raped, and I am really tired of people thinking that I will just roll over and do what they want, I am not weak, and I am not an object to be ogled at and taken advantage of. I will not tolerate people thinking lowly of me anymore. This is a warning, if anyone else thinks they can blame me for something I had no control over, then I am really going to pop a cap next time, and it won't end well....
  4. I Cried, First Time In A While...

    Usually, I can keep my composure like a statue can keep it's stance, but as I sat in my room alone, something happened. I was doing homework for college, and I was trying to get it finished before bed, it was 2 in the morning, and something felt odd. I pulled open my drawer to find my box of pocket knives that I collect. I found myself looking at the one that once pierced my chest. It hadn't been opened for a long time, and when I opened it, a feeling of memory washed over me... I wanted to throw it away, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. It was almost sentimental to me, and because of it, I had to keep it, and make sure that it never left my side. You know, after that, I felt sadness, but no tears, I told myself I wouldn't cry. The last time I cried was when I heard my father was going into operation, and that was in public with some friends. They didn't understand, nor would they. In my community, barely any couples are divorced and one of their parents more than a couple hours away. My father is a couple days away from me, and it makes it hard to try and help him with whatever he needs help with. But the more I thought about the knife, the more I thought about when I told my mother about my step father and what he did to me. She didn't really do anything about it... He's still around and still a jerk to me, despite my trying to be nice to him just for my mother. I thought fate was playing a trick on me, when my music turned to the song "When She Loved Me," from "Toy Story 2." That's what hit me the most, and the tears came flooding out. I probably cried for an hour or two, and no one heard me. I thought that I was alone, and no one would ever care about me. But that's when I got a text from one of my good friends, who said he had an odd feeling and that he should check on me to see if I was ok. I told him that I was just having a rough night, and he told me that he was willing to talk about it, but I told him it was a long story, and I just wanted to get my mind off of the whole thing. So he talked to me about other things in life. We got on the conversation about taking pictures of ourselves, and he mentioned that he had low self-esteem, and I told him he couldn't beat me in that department. He then listed what he loved about himself, and asked me what I thought my best trait was... I proceeded to tell him, that I didn't have any. There was nothing for me to love about myself. I could not love someone who could let people push them around for the longest time, and do nothing about it, letting themselves be pushed, shoved, forgotten, and never finding what they truly want. He then told me that I shouldn't think that way, no matter what happened, no one deserves to be unhappy, and everyone deserves more than what they think they have. But when I told him that isn't true for everyone, he gave a chuckle and said, "well, those who have to ruin others lives to get what they want are scum, and they don't need more happiness then what they force from others." Boy that is too true, but he will never understand the pain that I went through to get where I am. I just wish there was some way to say something, anything to him to say thank you, but my life is hard... So I told him to listen to "When She Loved Me," and over the phone we sang together. When somebody loved me, everything was beautiful, Every hour we spent together, lives within my heart, And when she was sad, I was there to dry her tears, And when she was happy, so was I, When she loved me. Through the summer and the fall, We had eachother, that was all... Just she and I together, like it was meant to be, And when she was lonely, I was there to comfort her, And I knew that she loved me... So the years went by, I stayed the same, But she began to drift away, I was left alone. Still I waited for the day, when she'd say, "I will always love you." Lonely and forgotten, never thought she'd look my way. And she smiled at me, and held me, Just like she used to do, Like she loved me, When she loved me. When somebody loved me, everything was beautiful, Every hour we spent together, lives within my heart, When she loved me... When we finished the song, he knew immediately that we were talking about my mother, and I felt my heart sink. He told me it was ok, most people have this issue, and that it's normal to want something more than what they have. He was a real help that night, and I never got the chance to say thank you, but when I see him next, I will... I promise to him, and myself, that things have to change. For now, and forever.
  5. Meh

    I know what you mean, I have the same issues with people expecting me to put myself out there like a little slut, and making myself a target. Well to those people, I say they are just jealous, because your stronger, better and way cooler than they will ever be. They don't know how to handle your great awesomeness and they can't handle being someone lower. So they put you down to pull themselves up. But stay strong and don't let them push you around. You're stronger than you know, and you will see it before the end.
  6. Feeling Strange...

    I spoke to a really old friend, and he has been having trouble with his parents. Man, I remember being through that stage in my life, when my mother didn't understand what I was going through and my step-father was being a complete jerk to me. But I gave him some great advice on how I felt and how I went through it. I really felt good telling him how I handled my situation and things he should do to help with his. It was quite liberating to see how I could help and that I was the reason he smiled tonight. His sister messaged me and said that he was really down when he got home, but when he hopped on facebook, he actually smiled, and when she saw that he was talking to me, she just had to send me a message. So, I was happy to tell her that I was helping him with some problems he was having. I couldn't believe that I could be a reason that someone smiled! I was shocked to know that someone other than my partner would smile because of me. My own family doesn't even smile for me. All they want to do is tell me that I should go far away to do what I want to do, and think about not coming back. So, it felt really nice to know that. The other day, at rehearsal, my partners' mother who is part of the cast, she actually spoke very highly of me to the stage managers and the music director. It really shocked me when they pulled me aside to relay what she had said to them. I guess she had spoken about how I had really bloomed during this production and that ever since I got the role, things have really changed for me, despite what I had been through. Man, I was really shocked to know that they thought the same thing of me. I wanted to believe that it was all a dream and I didn't have to be so embarrassed in front of the people I looked up to, but I never woke up, so as they talked about me to the other cast members and other teachers, I thought I was going to die of a heart attack. About a couple days later, I had a trigger during school and so during one of our pot lucks, I decided to sit by myself and eat by myself. I didn't really want any interaction with anyone, and I didn't want to bring people down with my depression. But then my music teacher sat by me, and soon my stage partner, who wrapped his arms around me in an embrace, and before I even got the chance to try and stop myself from crying, all of the people who I thought didn't really like me, were all surrounding me, and they were all talking to me, and cheering me up. So with tears in my eyes, I talked to them in return, and with my stage partner beside me, I felt loved. Since my love had left for his university, I had felt really lonely, but then, I didn't feel lonely anymore. I felt good, and there was something inside me that was warm, and because of it, I thought that I would try and buddy up to everyone in that time, and things have gone great so far. But also because of me being more social, the whole bullying situation has arisen once more. An old "enemy" of mine, has gotten back in touch with me. She decided to remind me of all the mistakes that I had done, not to mention all the things that she had done to make my life a living hell. Along with that, she decided to tell me that my whole effort to be a good actress and to be a good singer was in vain, because I would never be better than her, and that I would always be second best to anyone in this world. I don't doubt that I am not the best in the world, but I can say that I do have some talent. And because of it, I have gotten so many oppurtunities that she has given up. She decided to turn down the scholarships that she was given, and other things of that nature. I took them, any and all that I could get, and look where I am now; lead role in the college musical, top of my class in my acting courses, and one of the main soloists in my master chorale. Not to mention I have a spot in the highest rank of choir. I have worked my butt of to get this far, and she can't say the same because she gave it all up. And yet, she blames me for it. She told me that she couldn't take them because she had "issues" and that I was the main cause of her "issues." I finally snapped and told her that if she would just let go of all her hatred towards me, and let me go, then she wouldn't have any more "issues." But of course she lashed out and I paid the mental price of depression for a whole day and pain in my heart. But, because of one of my really good friends, and my love telling me that she was really wrong and telling me all these good things about myself, I was thrown out of that bad place, and I got on with my life again. I guess I have to thank these people for everything, whether they are friend or foe, they push me to walk forward and never look back. I never thought that I would ever be here, but I always think to one phrase that actually saved my life. "What if?" What if you get a chance at stardom? What if you get a chance at love? What if you finally get accepted? What if... A phrase that has endless meanings to me. I wonder if someone out there is just like me? I wonder if someone is able to strive forward with one phrase that to someone with a simple life would take no meaning to, but someone who is a survivor of whatever they are a survivor to means a whole lot to? I wonder... "what if..."
  7. Nah, all through my years I whipped them into shape! They were pretty good for me and all went quite well!
  8. Sleeping Troubles.

    Do you know how difficult it is to wake up screaming, then realize your spending the night at a friends house, making everyone around you wake up in terror thinking something is really extremely wrong, then tell them it was just a nightmare, and that it was just really scary, but when they ask you what it's about, you can't tell them because they don't know what happened to you? Holy crap, that was one of the worst nights I have ever had. I felt the pain again, I could feel my own body break, and I could even hear the worst of my cries in my own head. I never thought that my nightmares could get this bad. I never thought... Man, explaining this kind of thing to your best friends who think the worst thing that happened to you in your life was the fact that your step father is a jerk, and that your whole family doesn't really accept you. They have no idea what I have been through, and they don't want to know either. They have both lived really innocent lives. They have never been exposed to what I have been through. Man... I can't tell you how much I wanted to cry after getting yelled at, or feeling neglected or bullied, but I kept my head held high because they don't need to see the side of me that's broken. They don't need to see the side of life that isn't fair, or that isn't what they wanted it to be. They need to see my mask, my smiling mask. The one that says "everything is fine," the one that shows them that I have never felt pain, neglect, or anything else. Is it wrong to keep that from them? Is it wrong to keep secrets from my friends? I'm really not sure what to think... I would like to say that I was an open book, and that nothing had ever happened to me, and that nothing will ever happen to me, but... all I can say is that there was a time in my life that I want to forget, that I want to keep a secret. But, just like life is unfair, so is mine. I can't tell you that it only happened once... cause that would be a lie. I am a survivor of now 5 attacks on my "virtue" if that's what you want to call it. And yet... my friends don't know about even 1 of them. How sad is that? I would love to tell them, to let them know everything, but that would be to take away the innocent exposition they have on the world. That would take away their thoughts of me being happy and being content with life. That would take away everything they know about me. I just wish that there was something I could say or do that would explain everything, but there isn't. And there never will be... This is a song from the broadway musical "Spring Awakening" called "Don't do sadness/Blue wind." The song is about two characters that have been through a ton of crap and they hide their sadness. The male, is coming from a house where he is expected to do the impossible, and can't get away from his abusive father, and his mother who doesn't lift a finger to help him. The girl is a runaway, she was raped by her father, then when she ran away to another home, there she was raped several more times by men she thought she could trust. I've never seen it, but that is the gist of it. I could be wrong, but that was my understanding. "Awful sweet, to be a little butterfly. Just winging over things and nothing deep inside. Nothing going, going wild in you, you know. Your slowin by the riverside or floating high and blue. Or maybe cool to be a little summer wind. Like once through everything, and then away again. With the taste of dust in your mouth all day, but no need to know, like sadness. You just, sail away, Cause you know, I don't do sadness, not even a little bit. I just don't need it in my life. Don't want any part of it. I don't do sadness, hey I've done my time, lookin back on it all and it blows my mind... I don't do sadness, so been there, don't do sadness, just don't care..." "Spring and summer, every other day. Blue wind gets so sad, blowing through the thick corn, through the bales of hay, through the open books on the grass, spring and summer. Sure, when it's Autumn, the wind always wants to creep up and haunt you. Whistling it's got you. With it's heartache, with it's sorrow, winter wind sings and it cries. Spring and summer, every other day. Blue wind gets so pained, blowing through the thick corn, through the bales of hay, through the sudden drift of the rain. Spring and summer" "So maybe I should be some kind of laundry line, hang there things on me, and I will swing them dry. You just wave in the sun in the afternoon and then see, they come to set you free, beneath the rising moon, Cause you know (spring and summer) I don't do sadness (every other day) Not even a little bit (blue wind gets so lost blowing through the thick corn through the bales of hay) Just don't need it in my life don't want any part of it (spring and summer) I don't do sadness (every other day) Hey I've done my time looking back on it all and it blows my mind (Blue wind gets so lost blowing through the thick corn through the bales of hay)" "I don't do sadness, So been there, don't do sadness just don't care" "through the wandering clouds in the dark, spring and summer" Most of those parts are done in sync but it's really hard to write lyrics. But all in all, it's a really good song, and explains a lot of me without totally revealing everything. Just like an open book without any words...
  9. Unraveling the Mind

    I listen to a song "Possession" by Sarah McLachlan, I love it since it kind of explains what I want from someone. Someone to help me forget and to help me to release all my fears and all of my pains that I can't ever seem to let go. Alright, aside from my little rant of the day, I wanted to say that other than the nightmares and night terrors, things are actually going really well. My music teacher is being really awesome and she's making me feel really special, and it really boosts my spirit. Within my class, we have some of the top singers of the community, sadly, I'm the youngest so I get picked on a lot, but not in a bad way. They all mean well, and it's really nice to have people that actually care and they also help me along. One of the ladies that I was having trouble with was caught in the act and told to leave the class, and so woot! No more issues with her, and that makes my life a whole lot easier. I think it's really cool that that happened. The production is going well, and I just got word today that our next rehearsal is going to be a really good one, other than the fact that I'm going to be dancing like a madman on stage. But we are going to be cleaning up a whole lot of the issues that we have been having with some of the dance numbers. But for the most part, I'm having a ton of fun, and my cast partner is being extremely friendly to me, and he's truly being a friend to me. I think that even though he doesn't say anything, he can secretly see my pain, and he's coming to comfort me, and I don't even know that he notices. If that makes any sense at all. Anyways, I guess the downside of my week is the fact that I just got word from my grandmother, that my father is not doing well at all. He has seizures and episodes, and I guess recently he had a really bad one, and he hasn't had a good day ever since then... the fall was three months ago... So he has barely walked, spoken, eaten, or anything at all. I'm horrified at the moment, and I don't know what to do. If my dreams come true and I don't even get to see him before then, to be honest, there is going to be hell to pay. My mother was the one who told us that we couldn't see him because she didn't think we could take care of ourselves, and that if something happened she couldn't get to us. Well, if he dies, I'm sorry, she is going to hear an earful from me. I know I shouldn't be thinking this way, but it's only too true. But, my grandmother is going to take him into the hospital again and see what is going on, because this has been going on for too long. I pray for him every night, but all I get is silence, and that really strikes me as something horrifying. I'm at a loss for words, and I'm desperate at this moment. I don't know how I can help when he is miles away from me, and I can't find a way to go see him. I just hope that nothing happens until summer when I can find a way to go see him, and do what I need to do to make sure that he stays alive at least for a bit longer. I want him to be there when I get married, I want him to meet the love of my life, I want him to meet my friends, I want him to see me become something. Of course, I can't make him stay this way, but I can sure try right?
  10. Yeah, it was really nice to know that even though I had been exposed to the worst of men, I was given the best of them. I was actually told by a man whom I consider to be a father to me, that he was really proud of me for being so strong and that he thought that it was fate that I was put through this pain, he said "because of my strength to go through and understand the bad times, everyone else can see what the good times look like. Its a gift only you can bear." That's been my motto ever since and I've lived by the thought that if I'm willing to sacrifice my life for others, I am going to be able to bear through any hardship and help others the way that I didn't. It's comforting
  11. Becoming Who I Want To Be

    This morning, I woke up next to my two year long boyfriend for the last time, his strong arms holding me and protecting me. Almost cradling me as I slept, he smelt so sweet, and he was so warm, that I wanted to stay there forever. I didn't move, and I stared at his sleeping face, and made sure that I didn't wake him. He's leaving tomorrow, early in the morning, and I won't be going with him, I don't think I could. He was the man who literally saved me from myself. He taught me to be... me again. He told me last night, that no matter what, he is going to stay by my side, and that even though he's going away for a college for a long time, that does not mean he is leaving me. He wants to be with me once he gets his doctorates in Physics and in all this other fancy science stuff, he's going to come back for me and hold me one more time, and never let go. Yeah, two years may not be long enough for some people to know that your true love is true, but when I look into his eyes, I can't help but see my future inside them, and see myself live with him for as long as I live. I feel odd thinking about it, but he has always been there for me. There was a night that I ran away from home, and left my family, my friends and everyone behind. As no one else noticed, he found me on the dock of a lake where he first told me he loved me. That was the place that I had the most peace of mind, and to create that feeling again was to stand there and feel the cold air brush my cheeks, the cold water smoothly move back and forth on the sands beside me, and to feel my heart flutter like a hummingbird. That was the night he gave me a promise ring, and he held me tight, asking me to go live with him for a while. I agreed and told my family that i was willing to do that for myself. Man it's been so long and honestly, I'm really scared to let him go, and I don't want to lose him. He was the one who told me to be me, and he made me feel human again, and he created a place for me to stay alive. The night I told him about my life he held me close and said, "Ashley, I want you to be who YOU want to be. Not what anyone else wants you to be,what you want to be. I won't judge you any other way, and I won't tell you that you can't, because in all honesty, you can, and I know you're strong enough to handle it. I love you."
  12. Never should have cracked

    So, why do people like to joke about things that should never be talked about? Or why do they stick there nose where it doesn't belong? an old friend whom I trusted appeared at the football game tonight and he decided to tell me straight to my face that I didn't know what a hard time was and that I never went through anything bad. That at least I had a father figure in my life. With that, a girl in my band decided to poke her nose in and pestered me like crazy why I hated my step father and why I was so angry at him. All I have to say is he is the reason why I joined this. And yet he and my mother are still together. All I could say when she finally pushed me to breaking, was that he did something unspeakable and something that should never be talked about nor something that I was willing to share. That's when my old friend piped up and started laughing. He just kept saying that it could never happen and that it didn't matter. Started joking about topics that were sensitive to me. That's when I had to leave. I cracked and broke into tears, they saw the first of them run down my face as I left quickly. I hid in the girls bathroom for what seemed like forever, but I left ten minutes later... Why don't people understand? Why can't they leave things alone? Why can't they just.... see that it hurts when they do things like that?
  13. Never should have cracked

    So, why do people like to joke about things that should never be talked about? Or why do they stick there nose where it doesn't belong? an old friend whom I trusted appeared at the football game tonight and he decided to tell me straight to my face that I didn't know what a hard time was and that I never went through anything bad. That at least I had a father figure in my life. With that, a girl in my band decided to poke her nose in and pestered me like crazy why I hated my step father and why I was so angry at him. All I have to say is he is the reason why I joined this. And yet he and my mother are still together. All I could say when she finally pushed me to breaking, was that he did something unspeakable and something that should never be talked about nor something that I was willing to share. That's when my old friend piped up and started laughing. He just kept saying that it could never happen and that it didn't matter. Started joking about topics that were sensitive to me. That's when I had to leave. I cracked and broke into tears, they saw the first of them run down my face as I left quickly. I hid in the girls bathroom for what seemed like forever, but I left ten minutes later... Why don't people understand? Why can't they leave things alone? Why can't they just.... see that it hurts when they do things like that?
  14. Hello everyone

    Hey everybody, ummm, I've never really written a blog and I'm not really sure what to say, but I guess I'll just write and see how it goes. So today at school was quite interesting I guess. I'm taking some pretty hard classes and all of them had our huge quater end tests. It was long, boring, and after hours of just sitting in a desk, you get cramped and you get antsy trying to move around. I got through them ok, but they weren't that fun. Anyway, I guess my there's no school tommorrow but there is a football game. I'm in the marching band colorguard team, so I have to be there. I'm the captain of the team which is ok, but sometimes I have a hard time controlling my team, there all young so I guess it's ok, Sometimes, I think about what would have happened if I didn't do colorguard this year. If I just did other things with my time. All my life I asked, "what would it be like to be in colorguard?" Now I can't imagine my life without it.