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About mybrotherdidit

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  • Birthday 12/23/1965

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    art, psychology, buddhism, gardening, cats
  1. I´m so sorry you both lost your siblings. love
  2. Hi jdam and snickers, I read both posts and I just want to say I am with you here, no words, just present. safe hugs
  3. Daisy I am so proud of you, for your strength and courage thru this most difficult time. You are a fighter, that is for sure, you have so much wisdom, deep inside you know the way. You are trusting your loving heart and that is the way to heal my friend. And you are taking good care of the both of you. My words are not flowing as I wish they would, I just want you to know that I am with you here thru this, you are not alone at all. Love, olimpia
  4. I need to vent here, not really mean to be read, but go on if you like... Yesterday I was looking at pics my friend posted on FB and it´s nice to see my old friends in LA having fun in the pics, and I am cliking on I LIKE buttons, then the next and the next and so on are pics with my friends and my ex, I did expect to see her with them, I know they hang out, they were her friends first. BUT what I didn´t expect was to see her with the woman she cheeted on me with... !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!QWERTYUIOP^*ASDFGHJKLZXCVBNMDFGHJKEWRTYUDFGHDFGHDFGHETYERTYUDFGHDFGHJFGHJ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A N G E R A N G E R deep feelings of betrayal so deep so deep. no trust trust broken no love no love love broken all broken i hurt i cry it hurts i loved you so much and here you are with her, still with her her her her her hurt my pain my hurt my dreams all dissolved away disintegrated my life dissapeared and i left it all behind i left you you left me i left you you left me i left my life i left me too. it hurts so much fuck fuck fuck, how could you!? i am so fdsjhfjkdshfgeruyfgerfbdsjh attached to her, she cheated 4 years ago she left 3 years ago i left 2 years ago and here i´ve been trying to make a new life in a new land in a far away place from her, all new yet old so stinking fascist old, the fucking pope is here in madrid pissing the shit out of me that mysoginistic assasin nazi! Fueling my rage. but in the bottom of it all is my broken heart that i gave you so dearly i was with you in the hospital for months endless months endless doctors visits endless visits to the ER endless caring for your pain and when you finally felt good enough not to vomit, you go and fuck her, not me, you choose her instead. And the worst part is that i have known all along it was not good for us to be together that there were too many fights too much drama too much shit to deal with but i felt this knowing you thru etenal re-encarnations, eternally returning to the same place. i hope we have finally resolved our karmic shit because this tears at me way inside. And I cry rivers of eternal suffering rivers of loss rivers of love of waking up to your seizure in the middle of the night worse than an earthquake, my soul quakes, watching you suffer so much. And you are the only one in the world that knows me that kknows my pain that knows how the incest hurt me, that knows i am an artist like you are. My love for you hurts so much....................... and now i see you´ve returned to the world of the living but it is not me next to you it is her, why did you only have pain for me? why do you laugh so cheerfully with others and with me your nausea is back? And then I felt the incest shit kick up, the deep pain, I felt abandoned by her i felt my trust betrayed, betrayed, it hurts so much.
  5. lyrics to PINK´s "Conversations With My 13 Year Old Self" Conversations with my thirteen year old self Conversations with my thirteen year old self You're angry I know this The world couldn't care less You're lonely I feel this And you wish you were the best No teachers Or guidance And you always walk alone You're crying At night when Nobody else is home Come over here and let me hold your hand and hug you darling I promise you that it won't always feel this bad There are so many things I want to say to you You're the girl I used to be You little heartbroken thirteen year old me You're laughing But you're hiding God I know that trick too well You forget That I've been you And now I'm just the shell I promise I love you and Everything will work out fine Don't try to Grow up yet Oh just give it some time The pain you feel is real you're not asleep but it's a nightmare But you can wake up anytime Oh don't lose your passion or the fighter that's inside of you You're the girl I used to be The pissed off complicated thirteen year old me Conversations with my thirteen year old self Conversations with my thirteen year old self Until we meet again Oh I wish you well oh I wish you well Little girl Until we meet again Oh I wish you well Little girl I wish you well Until we meet again My little thirteen year old me
  6. I just really need to say that FORGIVENESS is not necessary to heal and that it is up to you. Some times I feel that I have forgiven, other times I feel I never will. I think forgiveness if desired can be addressed but it is not necessary. I think what we really need to forgive is ourselves for being human, meaning our shame our self-hate, all those destructive feelings toward ourselves, our little children-selves that we so horribly judged all our lives. Again, I really need to repeat, there is no reason to ever forgive a perpetrator...ever, at all. Of course if you do, that´s fine, but not something you must do. "Forgiveness is letting go of the desire that the past had been different" this is the only definition of forgiveness that I can actually believe in, because it does not reflect the perp.
  7. (((might4right))) I also want to tell her this: Don´t be afraid because your spirit is so beautiful and strong, you are indestructible and can not be hurt anymore. Your older self loves you so much and will always protect you. Trust her and trust yourself, everything is going to be ok, you are completely loved. (these words and yours are for my little 13 year old too)
  8. Am so sorry you are experiencing this pain... but I can see that you are so strong and the anger does have a very useful purpose and you got it---use it to fuel your recovery!!! Yes! I agree with the comment above from Rallying-defenses, listen to your needs and take the time you need and the space to heal. safe hugs
  9. (((pink))) am here with you. hugs
  10. Happy bday, may this year shine the light of joy on you! Like Cherub, I too thought the same at 40! I am so happy that you are here too : )
  11. You are obviously a courageous, strong, intelligent woman. I understand your search for perfectionism, but you are already perfect as you are. The only approval that really counts is yours, not other´s. You are brilliant, don´t let your fears cloud your beautiful vision. And where is the nearest piano? You need to play... Hugs
  12. Oh FragrantWoods how eloquently you put it... I wonder why I didn´t tell about my brother, I wonder if I told, i don´t know, I know that as an adult my mom asked me why I didn´t tell... But I know that children usually do not tell, it is just how it is, we just don´t tell. I understand your feelings well, and I am here with you. hugs
  13. There is a Self Injury (SI) forum here at Pandys: you will probably find the info you need there. Hugs
  14. I understand how upsetting the neighbor sounds are... I am holding your hand thru this. You´ve got a lot going on and makes sense that you´re tired and angry. Hope you get a good QUIET night sleep tonight. hugs