KitteH

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About KitteH

  • Birthday June 1

Profile Information

  • Gender identity
    Female
  • Membership Type
    Survivor
  1. My partner had an Apprehended Violence Order and a sexual assault charge before he met me. The assault wasn't severe, so he got off with some good behavior bond and some counseling. In our relationship of almost 2 years, I've been raped on multiple occasions and even strangled, so I think there's some sort of escalation going on there. As someone who's on the end of being in a relationship with someone who had previous charges against him and who is now suffering the consequences of his actions towards me, I am of the opinion that reporting it is the right thing to do.
  2. It was really my fault because I kept the truth from him for so long It was really my fault because I brought up the topic It was really my fault because I cheated It was really my fault because I thought I didn't have anything to fear if I told him everything It was really my fault because I had many chances to tell him but I didn't It was really my fault because I was afraid previously that if I told him, he would get violent It was really my fault because I was always afraid of saying no to him It was really my fault because I always gave in to him It was really my fault because I lied to him repeatedly out of fear It wasn't my fault because I only cheated after he acted inappropriately time and time again It wasn't my fault because I didn't choose his actions It wasn't my fault because I did fight back, it just wasn't enough It wasn't my fault because I yelled and fought to get him off me It wasn't my fault because I was in shock and groggy It wasn't my fault because I had wanted was to be treated special like he said I was, that's all It wasn't my fault because I get afraid when he gets angry with me It wasn't my fault because I'm not as strong or heavy as he is It wasn't my fault because I told the truth like he asked for It wasn't my fault because I didn't know what he would do It wasn't my fault because I loved him, and still do.
  3. 1. Were you silenced by someone? How? I would say that my desire to just let the court come to their verdict without further involvement by me was silenced. I was told by my partner and his parents that if I valued the relationship and if I loved my partner, I would show up in court and tell the magistrate that I want the Apprehended Violence Order revoked. 2. Have others, besides the abuser, betrayed you? (In relation to your abuse?) My partner's parents told me I could trust and rely on them, that they love me as their own family. To later be told that their son's choice of actions are my fault and that I was the one who caused all this trouble was to have my trust, love and respect betrayed. 3. Did you "tell" people in a way other then words about your abuse? (anorexia, withdrawing etc) I withdrew from a lot of things. I would decline invitations to go out with my girl friends, I preferred my drawing class above all else because it was the one class where I could be left alone and concentrate on creating something instead of reliving flashbacks. I became uninterested in my studies and unmotivated; I went from credit-average student to crappy bare passes. 4. "The damage of betrayal is deepening the conviction that relationships can neither be enjoyed, trusted, nor expected to last" Do you agree with that statement? Why or why not? Agree. Because I feel like an idiot for having opened up and given my trust, hope and love. All my life I never wore my heart on my sleeve until I met my partner. 5. How do you see yourself now? I thought I was getting better, but I see myself at the moment as someone who is quick to anger and irritation now. Maybe it's because I still haven't been able to forgive myself for not fighting back hard enough to get him off me, but whenever I have flashbacks to those memories I imagine reacting violently enough in response so that at least in those memories he didn't get to hurt me. 6. Have you begun to tell others about your abuse? What have your experiences been like? Most of my friends and family can't believe that it happened. I've been told that I'm too soft-hearted, too patient and too trusting. And of course, from his parents it's been nothing short of a "this whole thing is all your fault". 7. Do you trust others? Do you trust yourself? I don't have a problem trusting anyone except guys who are interested in me. I guess I'm afraid that it's all going to be just another manipulative rouse. I don't really trust me either.