CJSTELLA

Member
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    32
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About CJSTELLA

  • Rank
    CJ
  • Birthday 02/27/1954

Profile Information

  • Gender identity
    Female
  • Membership Type
    Survivor
  • Location
    Richmond California
  • Interests
    Life, helping others, writting poetry
  1. InJustice to Victims Rights...

    It has took me 11 years to get the help and support that I once had that ended 5 months later. Never realizing even when your the victim the system can be against you than for you. I now have a therapist that has been helping me with what has been wrongfully done to myself and family with my rights as a victim as I was diagnosed with PSTD. After years of attempts having the documents to prove other wise in what happen I had to face being tramatized alone by so many people in their profession while they abused me verbally, emotionally, Physically and Mentally because of the law enforcement labling me in a second report of what I am not as they used my disability against me. My Disability is from an accident that happen where I had a spinal cord injury and serve head trauma. This second report which is called a Standard Supplement Report, the law enforcement not only lable me but used fraud by writing falsity in this second report that they had made 4 months later from the Original Report. Having the Original Report it states clearly Rape/Sodomy with Substainual Evidence. Contacting the law enforcement where this happen letting them know I had the Original report, I was asked to fax the Original report and not to tamper with it. I faxed them the original report twice this started in February, by April 2007 the law enforcement sent me this Second Report called a Standard Supplement Report where the law enforcement states Sodomy/Lunacy with no evidence. Reading this second report shows why this had prevented me from the help and support I already had that ended within 5 months. Not once did anyone try to help me with what happen while I suffer over the years struggling in what had been wrongfully done I even moved from another state but once again I was allow to be tramatized unaware of this second report for all this time. As the years went by it has made it a lot harder for one to fight for their rights as a Victim let alone a Victim of Circumstances While my Therapist and I work towards finding closure in this tragic event that has took place. Not once have I gave up in what has been done wrong to myself and family and the injustice that so many allow. I am not a quiter nor am I what the law enforcement stated about me in this second report. Had I had access to this second report in the beginning I wouldn't have had to suffer all these years trying to get someone to take heed in what has happen. If it wasn't having these documents I wouldn't have a leg to stand on. My therapist and I have faxed most of these documents to the Alameda District Attorney' Office as we wait to hear from them. We all know Right is Right and Wrong is Wrong... I hope that by me telling pieces of my story it will give others the hope in what may have happen to them knowing if you don't fight for the injustice for yourself to make it right no one will and I hope you find help sooner than I did. When having evidence no one should give up until their voice is heard. I'm still working on my voice being heard, I have been made to keep silent way to long and it is time for my voice to be heard. My best advice is to Stand Firm and always believe in yourself. Don't let anyone hender the truth from you... CJ
  2. "Truth will Prevail"

    I'm still strugling in what I Myself should have already been able to move forward and start healing in what I have been forced to face alone for so long. I now have a therapist that I have been talking with and getting the papers together in what I need to do in what has been wrongfully done to myself and family. I was Raped and Sodomized having phyical and substainual evidence I had help being refer to the rape crisis center for victims at the hospital where they did the rape exam with the rape kit seeing a woman I saw the same morning they did the exam being told I had evidence( I had no doubt under the circumstances when I was told this by the women) the women I saw refer me to a private attorney month later I had been contact by administrater saying they were doing a criminal investigation and that the DA would be handling my case along with 3 other women and myself having substainual evidence. Being contacted by the D.A. in March, the rape happen in January, in 5 months everything ceased, as I have struggle over the years as I have been treated as if I had done the crime instead of being the victim. I know what I have been made to face alone has made me a stronger person even after loosing so much from what the law enforcement did by making a second report 4 months later from the original report which was in January. What happen between those years no victim should face what I was made to face let alone... "ALONE" never giving up making contacts over the years I file and was granted the statue of limtation but I still wasn't able to get the help. Writing people over the years I was turned away or hung up on. Then in 2007 I had contact the Sheriff's department and was told not to tamper with the original report and to fax this to them. I did this twice with 3 months saying the first one was lost then a few weeks later after contacting them I was informed about this second report and as I asked what second report they said they would mail this to me. Which they did, and I was appauled they would go to that extent to cover by using falsity in this second report. Since I was unware of this second report and the lies they stated in it, I came to an understanding in how everyone had been treating me explained from this report. It controdicts everything from the first report. As I persist in proving other wise it is now going on 11 years and not once have I gave up as I suffer opening myself up so many times over the years and not getting the support and help as a victim, now not only have I been a victim, I was a victim of circumstances now too, when people believe other wise of what happen. The reason I persist in this is to help not just myself and family but for others that have themsevles in a simular situation or a friend or family memeber. And show that even the truth can over come dishonest people as the law enforcement. It is hard enough when your a child and your silence but when your adult their's a huge problem when one lies to cover the truth and your innocent lips have been sewn in silence. My advice to others is never give up in believing in yourself let alone the truth..... Always stay positive one can see clearer then when one carries anger caused by negative that has been placed their which blinds one from seeing what they themselves could have. Once one realizes the difference they are able to appy their knowledge in what has taught them to see what one couldn't see before. Stay focus so one will be strong in their jorney of healing and can move forward. Don't expect other's to know they've never experience some don't care only the ones that have gone through some type of abuse if not all can help a person through their experience by talking about their own.... Life isn't long enough so should we have others that can stay positive work towards helping others instead of judging we would have less people like ourselves that accept the burdon and the pain as a reminder we truly aren't alone, we just need to be heard...... The tears and trails of my life...
  3. I Just read your story..... My other post still stands but wondering about what evidence you have to go through with this. What ever it may be good luck on moving forward in healing stay positive we have enough negative that surrounds us.....
  4. Shelby, be thankful you have the person and evidence enough to put this person in jail. Look at it as by you doing this you are also protecting inncocent people as yourself and others. Hold you head high and focus on the positive with the out come. And with that you are able to start healing and moving foward..... Good luck on your journey.... CJ
  5. Shelby, be thankful you have the person and evidence enough to put this person in jail. Look at it as by you doing this you are also protecting inncocent people as yourself and others. Hold you head high and focus on the positive with the out come. And with that you are able to start healing and moving foward..... Good luck on your journey.... CJ
  6. DOJ shedding some light....

    I just received a phone call from DOJ which is Department Of Justice for Victims. I was surprised with the quick response when I had just wrote them an e-mail about my situation that has gone on for 10 years as I'm just now getting the help I had from the beginning. I have been praying and trying to understand how people feel they can go above the law when they are given title of being a law enforcement to help victims. But instead of helping they made a falsity report 4 months later where it states sodomy/lunacy with no physical evidence as the support and help and I don't know what happen with the criminal investigation on the person that had done this too me but all of this had ceased in the 5th month, as my family and I were allow to be traumatized over the years in what was wrongfully done. Prior to the second report was the original report which states clearly sodomy and rape with physical evidence which I had the help and support throughout those 5 months from the very beginning,as well as a criminal investigation. If there is one thing I have learned in life is When one lies about a person, they aren't hurting that person they lied about but only deceiving themselves with their lies.... Praying what becomes of all of this is just what I had been speaking about and that is the TRUTH..... Just wanted to share.. CJ I just want to say never give up on what you know is the truth along with having the documents to prove other wise...
  7. Words of Pain...

    Words of Pain Hurting inside from people like you not knowing the difference of the pain that we go through You use words like you would with a knife cutting each feeling that pierces your whole life knowing if I can't feel anymore will this pain go away scares will always have a place in my life but no shame only a heart full of pain now who is to blame you can use words to pierce my while life but never will you come close as you did letting you in my life. Never once did I cause you what you have to me you're reasons are difference this is plan to see. Even when you misunderstood me I was still being forgiving but all you give back is your lack of understanding which is why you can't see your blinded by what you want to believe with this I will not go on giving or let you keep cutting on my life, the scars are there to remind you I don't have much feelings...
  8. "Struggling"

    I realize coming on here that I have been focusing on others that have been through so much trying to help them by reaching out in what they have experience in life as I help through my own experience in what some may or may not realize, knowing I myself by doing so I can learn from others as well. But Realizing I'm still not helping myself in what I have been facing alone and staying focus. I thought once I had these documents on what did happen out in California that I would have more support and help with this as I started going to rasac here in Nashville in October, November so going there several months but was in a lot of pain and couldn't focus, so I had told them until I could find a primary doctor I needed to stop coming ,I did find a doctor to help me with what I deal with daily with the physical pain, in February finding out that I needed to have surgery on my neck, my reply was I didn't want to have surgery I've had enough surgeries, their reply was be thankful you have insurance that will cover the surgery so now having the help with a doctor I went back to rasac and found out there is a 3 months waiting list and that I needed to seek help else where... So I am... So much going on in my life I try so hard to keep faith in knowing I'm not alone but also realize I need help in helping myself too so I don't feel like I have been made to feel as I do I was diagnosed with PTSD in Octobers I am trying to figure out why rasac didn't want to help me... ... I'm from California and miss it dearly and from what has happen out there I came here to Nashville and focus on helping a friend with there children , Having children of my own which are grown adults, one lives in New York the other lives in California and coming out here as I have over the year's it hasn't and doesn't seem to get better when it comes to needing the support in this person as I have with them over the year's in everything I have been there for the support and with the children they were 4 and 6 when I got involved, now they are 12 and 14 so it makes it difficult when I feel that it is a convince then anything over the years being here as it has been but feel my hands are tied with everything going on and I have to consider the children and how it would effect them... I pray a lot knowing God has his reasons why we face the trauma as we do and it does make one stronger but right now I don't feel so strong with all this excess baggage I carry. Trying to release this extra baggage but as I do I realize I need to work on me and what makes me happy not others as I have done most of my life just that placing other first to hide my pain which has put me in the situations I have placed myself in and realizing I definitely need help with this... Anyway just felt like writing my thoughts of pain I feel right now. I know I will over come this and look back and see why I felt as I did. Pain is so real in what others have place on us, looking for the peace of mind we all should have ... Take care CJ
  9. Life is like a roller coaster....

    Life is like a roller coaster. There are twists and turns, and the long drops that make your stomach jump, but in the end, you are still all together, and happy for taking the ride.
  10. Stop letting him run your life. The hate and anger he placed there from a child still gives him that control. Let go with what he placed there. You are an adult now not a child therefore you have a voice and you need to use your voice and speak out so the anger and hate is placed toward him not you he is the one at fault for placing it there in the first place not you and you shouldn't feel guilty by doing so because you have more of a right then he does. Realize the wrong he has done don't let him keep controlling you by what you already know put yourself first for once and start focusing on what makes you happy not what has made you unhappy. Find the good which bring the positive in what you want out of life not the negative in what he did to your life. Life isn't long enough.. You've held on to it this long isn't time you let go? There are many things that are hard for us to accept specially when it comes to someone we grew to love but as well learn to hate. So focus on accepting what has happen and forgive him and let go. Show him you don't fear him anymore and he can't control you by manipulating you, be strong and do this for YOU and live life in what makes you happy. CJ
  11. Truth is what gives one the power and more of an understanding about the anger that was placed there to where one isn't second guessing themselves with the confusion. Once one can realize the difference not even the anger will hinder one from healing.... Anger is like excess Baggage we don't need to keep carrying around. CJ
  12. ... Nods... Exactly.... we shouldn't take the blame for the anger that is placed there by them in what took placed. But we also don't need to be angry towards the person that did put it there in the first place.... Let it go We all have our own cross to bare... Glad to hear you have realize what we can change ,when we do it gives one a whole new out look in life ... Smiles... Congrats what a huge step you've took in life... You should be proud of yourself for doing so... Smiles.... CJ
  13. As I read some of these I realize that so many place there blame on themselves and not where the blame should be placed with the person that placed the anger there in the first place. Allowing one not to heal and move forward in what so many struggle with and some never learn to over come what they think they can't. Realize once one lets go of others anger to where they aren't repeating this anger, there answers become clearer where they see this anger control there life and was only hurting them not the person that placed that anger there in the first place and realizing the strong will over come the anger and let it go, while the weak allow the anger to repeat where it controls them. CJ
  14. Don't let your anger get the better of you, should you carry your anger it will only control your life as it has don't let it keep controling your feelings and not see what you yourself can let go and that is the anger that was place there by others. There anger only holds you back and has made you what your not angry and pissed where you are blaming yourself saying Your stupid and weak from what you yourself didn't understand. We weren't born with directions. No it isn't your fault you were just young and not experience enough to realize there is a difference. The anger you carry is only hurting you no one else they could careless. Don't keep repeating there anger and don't let it take you as long as it took me to realize this so you can start growing again. It took me many years to realize this. I was abused from a child 8 years old Sexually,verbally physicall and mentally and emotionally by my step father my mother was verbally, physically and emotionally abusive,she was my mother to be their to protect me not allow this man to do what she later was aware of she allow this man in our lives to do this to her own child which caused me at an early age to have their anger that was place there by them that kept me blinded for years before I realize I didn't have to carry there anger any longer it was only hurting me not them beacuse I lashed out with that anger and I didn't accomplish anything by allowing that anger to exsist. We may not understand why but once we get rid of there anger the picture becomes clearer for us to see it isn't our fault. The pain one has endure causes one to stop growing from the awfull experience one didn't have the choice to choose. You have a choice right now, Let the anger go so you can see that you are a strong person and you are a survivor. The Strong minds will over come anything, where the weak mind will just keep repeating until they to realize the only one suffering is YOU... not them... If you need any help talk or someone to listen know I am here ... CJ